25 June 2012

Demotivation at its best.

We found out today that our team has been restructured. This time no one was let go, which is nice. However, it feels nearly as demotivational as that experience.

My title was changed. There's no research anymore. I'm an associate analyst. First of all, associate? I have my own accounts and have for a couple of years. But now I'm lumped right back in with the people who started last week. Thanks for the recognition!

Taking away the research part of everyone's title doesn't make sense at all. It's our business. Then again, based on everything I've heard from the higher-ups this year, I wouldn't have any idea what we actually did. It's all profits and margins and revenue and budget and plan. You'd think we were a financial services firm.

I now have two additional bosses, too. I like them both; one I've been working very closely with over the last few months. The other used to be his boss. It's nice that we now have an advocate in the intermediate boss. He will fight for us. And I know for a fact my now-immediate boss will fight for us. He's been doing much of the fighting for our group since the layoffs.

He doesn't want to be our boss, though. I guess I can understand that. It's more work (no one knows how much, though) with no more pay or reduction in billable time (the work is non-billable). We've had a really collaborative working relationship and he doesn't want that to change.

And I don't necessarily want that to change either. But on the other hand, I decided not to do any work tonight. I'm trying to concentrate on relaxing and trying to kick this cold that is on the verge of taking over my sinuses and lungs. And why should I worry? I'm but a lowly associate now. It's not my problem to figure out how the work gets done. There are three bosses above me who can work on that.

Oh sure, I talk big. I worked nine hours today and eight over the weekend. It's not like I'm going to slack off or anything. The nice thing about knowing my former colleague is going to do my review for me is that he knows how hard I've been working. Both he and now his boss have thanked me for working my ass off over the past several months. My former boss hasn't even acknowledged it.

At the end of the day, not much will likely change. But I'm going to try (again) to take a step back and not work so damn much. I'm getting sick right before a wedding, then Girls' Weekend and a family "vacation" (three week days at my aunt and uncle's cabin ... whoooo!) . I am still eating shittier than I'd like to. I'm not getting to the gym as much as I'd like to (and need to), and when I do get there, my workouts are cut short because I got there late or I have to get home and work. My apartment is a sty. I'm just fucking sick of feeling and looking like shit and coming home to my cluttered-ass apartment.

What doesn't kill me, right?


Reuben Collins said...

So... what would it take for you to leave and find a new job?

Jess said...

Time to look for a new job. It's hard to find time when you're working 10 to 12 hours a day, plus weekends.