I'm too tired to do any more work tonight, even though I really should be doing more. But when I've got translating to do on top of the regular work, I need to be a bit more ... something than I am right now.
Our big boss came to the office today. We had lunch with him, ostensibly to talk about all of our issues, but none of that happened. It was all chit chat and that's bullshit. However, according to the immediate boss, the big boss has acknowledged that we are working at an unsustainable pace and we need help.
Do they know that the most helpful thing might have been NOT TO LET ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE GO? I've heard that maybe they do.
At the same time, when we had a meeting with the immediate boss shortly after lunch, the topic of vacation came up. I brought up the fact that despite having a vacation day last week, I still worked about 50 hours, and that I lost vacation time last year. My boss's response (which I've heard him say too fucking many times over the years)? "I lost vacation time last year, too."
THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING POINT. And you know what? It's wrong. It's wrong that the company gives us time we have to use or we will lose, and then sets us up to not be able to use it. It's to their benefit, of course. But it's fucking wrong. I swear to the Baby fucking Jesus, the next time he says that to me, I will lose my shit.
And that's the thing -- he said today that things will get better, "when we're fully staffed." I called him on that bullshit. I've been hearing that for nearly as long as I've been at the company. We were fully staffed at the end of last year, and I still had to work on my vacation days (plus holidays, weekends, nights). It's simply not true. I've NEVER taken a sick day in the nearly four years I've worked there. Not that I can remember, anyway. At best, I work from home. Because shit is set up so that many of us simply can't take a sick day, because there is always shit due.
The worst part of this (and there are so many very bad parts) ... dammit. I lost my train of thought while typing out that parenthetical statement. Oh! There's no end in sight. It's one thing to work crazy hours for a finite period of time to accomplish a specific goal. But when you're doing that just to keep up (and by "keep up" I mean be a few days behind all the time), that's your new normal. There's no end in sight for that.
It's not just the bosses who are aggravating me, either. My coworkers just need to accept that the people who were let go are gone. They're not going to be hired back as contractors. The company won't do it, and we know for a fact our former coworkers don't want to come back. I don't feel like we can waste much more time on revisiting that issues, because we have to try to figure out how the fuck those of us left are going to do our work.
Gah. I have to put the computer down and just relax. Not that relaxing is possible. I'm sleeping so terribly. Then I can't get up in the morning, which makes me get to work late, which makes me have to work late, which makes me get to the gym late, get home late, go to bed late ... hello, vicious cycle!
Something's gonna break at some point. I just hope it isn't messy.