31 May 2011

Monday in a Hat.

That's what Tuesday is, you know. It's just Monday, trying to disguise itself with a stupid hat. Probably I've discussed this before. I should have.

This Monday in a Hat I'm still working at 10:37 p.m. However, I did take a good few hours off in between leaving the office and getting home and resuming work.

I took a break to go to yoga. It was one of those "gym" classes. The gym classes all have the same basic look and feel. At Bally it was one thing, at LA Fitness it is another. Lots of Warrior 2s and crunches. That's what I hate about gym classes. Not only are the the same, they're full of things I hate.

Despite the fact that I didn't like the military, non-certified-in-yoga instructor's style and that old hippie dude bugs the shit out of me, I like their classes. They stray from the prescribed LA Fitness format.

Yoga was so necessary tonight. Chicken Little is driving me fucking nuts, though I'll get a reprieve soon when he's out for a few days. Cannot. Fucking. Wait. But there is some other bullshit going down at the office I don't dare discuss at the moment. Suffice it to say, I'm confused and bummed.

In positive news, it's lovely (if not ridiculously windy) outside. Also, I'm being totally brave and sitting in the living room tonight. I've been here for almost two hours. EXCITING.

30 May 2011

Not-so-long weekend.

This holiday weekend didn't feel as if it was a day longer than normal. Or, maybe it did. I mean, I did a bunch of stuff, yet spent a chunk of today working. I don't feel like I got much/enough done. But Jesus H. Christ, it's a fucking holiday.

I consumed a lot of wine this weekend and ate some really great food with the Nordeast Crew. I spent an extra night with The Boy I Currently Like, as well. While I was waiting for him to show up tomorrow and pick me up to go to the Nordeast BBQ, I heard some noise in the kitchen. It was enough to make me think my mouse problem wasn't solved.

So, I stayed with my big, strong man. He got the stuff I needed from the kitchen while I grabbed stuff to sleep over. When he brought me home today, he scoped things out and stayed near while I checked and placed bait. He even helped me get my air conditioner put in the window (unrelated, but every year my mom tells me to get help and since it was fucking 88 and humid today and he was right here, I figured, why not?).

Then I sat on the deck and worked while doing laundry. I managed to be brave enough to do some quick dishes and unpack groceries. I didn't even put on my boots.

I'm just so fucking exhausted. I feel like I haven't been able to relax in days or probably even weeks. It sucks. The upside to that is that I'm so wiped out when it's time to go to bed that I fall asleep pretty easily and stay asleep. So, there's that. I'm also so wiped out I can't get up the ... whatever to be all that concerned about work tomorrow. Yay?

28 May 2011

Something that isn't terrible.

I left work early today. Sure, I have to work this weekend, but I still left early.

And I had a really lovely evening with my Nordeast friends. So, things aren't totally terrible.

26 May 2011

Couldn't make it up if I tried.

After my two whole days of not crying because of work, I'm ... well, I'm not on the verge. Though, I probably should be. I think maybe I'm preoccupied about something else, so I can't focus too much on the unbelievable shit going down at the office.

That other thing? Stuart Little is back. Okay, it's not THE Stuart Little. He met his untimely end in the basement four years ago. Nor is it the Stuart Little who decided my PC tower at my short-lived disaster recovery job would be his resting place (God, I can still smell that).

However, the loaf of bread with a corner missing tells me there is another Stuart Little. Just what I fucking needed. I didn't have a full-blown panic attack when I found that this morning, but I was sweaty and jittery. Between work and yoga, I obtained and set out new bait and got a couple of electrical things. Now I have one in every room! I blame this fucking weather (it got down into the 40s last night and like an idiot, I left my windows cracked). Also, I blame New Neighbor, because she just really seems to be doing all kinds of shit to make my life miserable. I'm sure she's somehow at least partially to blame.

So, with that HORRIBLE FUCKING NEWS weighing on my mind today, I went into the office and got a fuckton of work dumped on me this morning. I went to lunch with a friend (decadent!) and when I came back, I saw my trainings with the new employee for next week had been canceled. I wondered what the fuck was up with that, but I expected a new meeting invite to show up soon. Nothing appeared, so I asked my coworker who was also to do some training if he got something similar. He did. Another coworker said, "I bet she quit."

You know what? SHE FUCKING DID. Much later in the afternoon, Chicken Little called and in the course of a conversation about something else, relayed that information to me. I can't say I'm surprised. A few coworkers and I still in the office had a little gossip session about it. For some reason, I have no shame in telling people I cried almost every day during my training. I think it's the only way I can truly convey how horrible it was and how awful it made me feel. At the same time, Chicken Little had actual complaints about her work. I didn't work with her much, but I thought she was a pretty terrible writer (I'd been warned, but it was worse than I'd imagined).

It was probably a little from Column A and a little from Column B as to the reasons she quit. Still, as one of my coworkers pointed out, shit had to be pretty bad for her to have quit in this economy. I mean, it's not as bad as it was, but it still ain't good.

For whatever reason, I'm taking this pretty well. Probably because we're not really losing all that much. She was barely out of training and we were to be shadowing everything she did (like I have fucking time for that). Still, we're now even further behind in getting someone to help us. She was supposed to be coming up to speed and then we were supposed to be getting someone else.

I'm not going to dwell too much on it right now. I can't. I'm exhausted and I'm really just taking a break from work. My "holiday weekend" is going to feature a lot of work. I hope I get more brave so I can venture out into the rest of my apartment, instead of holing up in my bedroom away from Stuart Little.

Oh, fuck.

24 May 2011

It's a start.

Today, not only did I not cry, but I left work at 5:30 and went to yoga. Given the way things have been going lately, today was fucking awesome.

However, it is only Tuesday. I don't know what it is, but the last few weeks, by Tuesday I'm feeling like the week should be a day further along than it actually is. But whatever. I should be leaving early on Friday.

So, that's good and stuff.

23 May 2011

A sure sign of Spring.

As of today, I've started shaving my legs on days I won't be seeing The Boy I Currently Like. I'd better stock up on shave gel.

Another long work day full of annoyance and frustration. The management company said the deck is shared, but I need to actually speak to someone to find out, you know, when that changed and WHY NO ONE TOLD ME.

Moving isn't an option because finding a new job is the first priority and I don't have time for that. I'm sure things will look better after a long weekend. Unless I have to work.

In other news, if you're feeling generous, I'd encourage you to throw a few bucks to the North Minneapolis Recovery Fund. I feel like the damage in North Minneapolis isn't going to get the attention and help it needs, because it will be overshadowed by the devastation in Missouri. But the North Side was already in trouble -- this tornado hit an area that was already economically distressed.

Donations will be matched up to $200,000 through the end of the month, so even if it's a few bucks, it'll help. I'm so glad to see businesses and organizations I follow on Twitter and Facebook sharing information, and in the case of the Chef Shack, actually out there feeding residents and workers. That shit makes my heart swell with civic pride, y'all.

22 May 2011

Back to normal, just in time for work.

It took quite some time, but I finally feel okay. I got a good night's sleep, went to the gym and got my laundry and cooking done (though both took a bit of time). It was a nice change after my meltdown last night. And the meltdowns the days before that.

Local readers will likely know that there was a tornado in Minneapolis today. It hit the Northside pretty fucking hard. Which, of course, is just what North Minneapolis needs. I looked at the radar between getting home from the gym and getting in the shower, and it appeared I had a window of opportunity between the bad storm cells. While I was in the shower, the tornado warning sirens went off.

As I normally do, I didn't worry too much. Except, when I'm in the shower, things always sound horrible. So, it sounded horribly windy. I don't think it really was. All the activity was probably about five miles north and west of here and just got further away. Still, I think I've gotten a bit complacent living in the city.

Once again, I'm sitting here trying to write and getting distracted by everything and nothing. I should be shutting down and getting ready for bed. I didn't do as much work today I should have, but can you blame me? This week isn't supposed to be as horrible as last week. But last week wasn't supposed to be horrible, either. I just gotta buckle down and try to make it through. What else can I do?

Disgusting.

I know there are a number of contributing factors, but I am absolutely devastated by this news: same-sex marriage ban amendment passes the House.

Tonight I'll try to get all of my tears out, because the fight starts tomorrow. And it will rage on until November 2012.

How did this happen? How did Minnesota, this bastion of progressiveness, come to the point where we're going to vote to write bigotry into our state constitution? Let me remind you: it's already illegal for people of the same sex to marry in Minnesota. The reasoning behind this constitutional amendment? The current crop of GOP legislators don't want subsequent lawmakers or "activist judges" to overturn that law.

I've seen lots of "let the people vote," bullshit and "this is how the system works," nonsense. You morons realize that the legislature and court system are part of the system, right? And letting the people vote? I can't even begin to address that ridiculousness. First, we elected you to do this shit. Don't fucking cop out now, you motherfucking douchebags. Second, who knows where we'd be if bigots were allowed to vote on their bigotry for the last 50-60 years or so? For fuck's sake, almost half of Republicans in Mississippi think interracial marriage should be illegal. IT'S 2011 FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

There's little solace tonight in knowing these cowardly assholes will be judged to be on the wrong side of history. But it's all I've got, so I'll hold on to that.

21 May 2011

Just can't win.

The work week was epically horrible. As I was fighting back tears at work the last couple of days (not entirely successfully), I kept thinking, "I've not had a week this shitty in ages." Then I remembered the week just two months ago that involved me working 10 hours on a Friday (without brushing my teeth). There were plenty of tears that week, too. Or at least on that particular day.

I was a horrible guest for The Boy I Currently Like last night. I was exhausted and in a seriously deep funk. I can say I tried to have fun, but I mostly tried to just keep it together so he didn't have to witness me dissolving into a sobbing, teary mess.

Today I was slightly better, but really not that much. It's hard to flip the switch when I know i still have to work this weekend and next week isn't looking any better than this past week.

Despite all that, I managed to drag my ass to the gym and run some errands. I even went out and bought some new deck chairs (the plastic ones have seen too many winters). Then I get home from all that and the new neighbor is out on my deck again.

I really didn't want to talk to her, but I had to take my trash out and had to walk past her, sitting right in front of the steps off my deck. I asked her if the management company told her the deck was shared and she said yes. Except, before I even applied for this apartment five years ago, I asked and was told the deck was not shared and went with my apartment. I specifically asked about that.

So now I have to call the management company and find out why things changed. Not only have things changed since I moved in five years ago, they've changed since late last summer. When the apartment upstairs was open, I ran into the woman showing the apartment. She asked about the deck situation and I told her what I'd been told. She said she'd go back and ask them. I never heard another word about it.

As it turns out, it's less about someone using my deck and more about people I don't know sitting outside my kitchen windows/door. It is highly unsettling. It freaks me the fuck out. I feel like I can't open my door to the deck or open the windows on that side. So not only am I losing my deck, I'm losing the windows/door that create the cross breeze up in this joint. That helps me use my air conditioner less and saves me money.

Law Talkin' Gal and her Doctor Friend came over after I talked to the new neighbor. God bless her, she's good with ... situations like this? She was all, "Oh, hi. Are you Jess's friends?" and so on and somehow got them to go to the back deck (which is the deck I was told belonged to the two apartments in the back of the building). Law Talkin' Gal thinks they figured out how the situation creeped me out.

Now I feel like a huge bitch, of course. But is that worse than feeling like I can't do shit in my own apartment because there are people hanging out right outside my door/windows? I don't really know. I do know I've had enough of feeling shitty about all of these things. But what can you do?

19 May 2011

Things that salvage a day.

In no particular order: a Lake Calhoun walk, pizza, wine and KayGee. The walk helped me sweat out a bit of my rage. The lovely weather lifted my spirits. The pizza and wine got rid of my crankiness and headache and KayGee was the icing on the cake.

Man, this week is not good. I don't know what more to say about it. Just more of the same, you know?

I'm lacking in workouts and sleep and vegging time. I'm lacking in ability to focus ... I've been working on this post for a lot longer than it would take type three paragraphs.

Tomorrow is Friday. I have to work this weekend, but ... fuck. Yeah, there's no upside to that.

18 May 2011

Sorry for sucking.

But it's what I do. Work's been kicking my ass somethin' fierce.

In positive news, though, it's lovely outside (if only I could enjoy it, instead of being locked up inside), and the Twins have won back-to-back games.

So there's that. There's also wine. Thank the baby Jebus for wine.

17 May 2011

Plans dashed.

Tonight I was going to go to the gym. I was also going to shave when I showered after going to the gym. I was going to make some tuna salad for lunch the rest of this week.

I was going to do things, dammit.

But I worked, instead. I just finished working now. Yay 12+ hour days. And it's only Tuesday. There are three more days of this yet to go this week.

Fuck.

16 May 2011

Deflecting.

Man, Chicken Little was trying to bring me down today. But I wouldn't let him. At least not today. I had such a delightful time yesterday at the Lyn Lake Street Festival, soaking up some sun, drinking beer and watching bands with my friends. It was so lovely.

I managed to not let his crazy get me down today. I am even fairly good-tempered about having to work tonight (I could have worked longer, but I forgot to send some stuff home). I had to do my laundry tonight because I didn't have enough quarters to do it yesterday before I went out drinking. Plus, I tweaked my knee at the gym (I think) yesterday and had to take a night off. So, you know, it was a good night to stay home and work.

This can't last, of course. He'll wear me down eventually. What can you do, though?

There's laundry to fold and stuff, so I should get doing that shit.

14 May 2011

You got me, Minnesota Spring.

Oh, I was so cocky. It was so cold for so long and our heat wasn't turned off because the management company never had a chance. It's May 14. It was nearly too hot to sleep a few days ago. And here I am, freezing in a 62-degree apartment.

It probably wouldn't have been so bad if I'd been here last night. Alas, I was at The Boy I Currently Like's house. His heat is still on. Actually, since I got home late this afternoon and turned on lights and the TV and had a pot of water boiling on the stove for an hour or so, it's up to a comfy 65 degrees in here.

Thankfully, this won't last. It's supposed to be 64 and sunny tomorrow (okay, 62), which is super-perfect for the Lyn Lake Street Festival tomorrow. I'm super-pumped about drinking outdoors and watching bands with friends. Oh, and the weather will get warmer from here on out. That's what the 10-day forecast says, anyway.

Since I hung out with The Boy last night, I'm home doin' my own thang tonight. This includes: drinking wine, clearing shows off the DVR, playing with my makeup (I was going to include pictures, but my eyebrows look kinda shitty, and I wasn't super-fastidious about application or anything) and ... blogging, I guess. This post is taking for-fucking-ever to get out.

There may have been other things I was going to write about, but I can't think of them now. There are too many things going on around here and I'm all distracted.

10 May 2011

More First World problems. Or, Monday in a Hat blows.

Oh Tuesday. Why do you torment me so? What did I ever do to you?

To be fair, I'm not entirely sure it's all Tuesday's fault. I'm giving equal billing to PMS. I assume it's PMS, because my tits are so very sore. The cramps are a clue, as well. Plus, there is the tooth sensitivity, skin so sensitive it hurts to put on makeup, clumsiness and a very sensitive gag reflex (am I the only one with such odd symptoms?). So, I'm sure my petty horribleness is at least in part to hormones. So maybe I'm not a completely horrible person.

Despite work making me crazy and pissing me off, I was all set to get out at a reasonable time and get to the gym so I could enjoy a beer on my deck in the 85-degree humidity. I made sure to put beer in the fridge before I left for work for that very purpose. But I stayed late and traffic sucked and I cut my workout a wee bit short, but I still managed to get home right as it started to rain.

When I tried to go out to the deck after it had stopped raining/hailing/storming to get a look at the funky sky, I couldn't get my door open. After a hearty push, I got out. My brand-new neighbor apparently pushed one of my deck chairs in front of my door. Not the best way to make a good first impression, sister. That is my deck.

I'm also a bit flustered because The Boy wants to hang out Friday instead of Saturday. That throws a monkey wrench into my plans for the rest of my week and all of my weekend.

But whatever. I'll get over all of it, I'm sure. In the meantime, I'll keep feeling horrible about feeling horrible about everything above. I'm a small, petty, horrible person. What can you do?

09 May 2011

First World problems.

My boss sent me an e-mail today, claiming to have good news. It was about my raise.

Now, that I'm getting a raise at all is indeed good news, I suppose. Because hey -- I have a job and they're even giving me more money now.

However, it was less than the minimum I was expecting. Honestly, based on how much more I'm paying for health insurance and related costs this year, it doesn't even count as a cost-of-living increase. Not to mention that it's fucking May (and it won't even kick in until the next pay period, so really I won't see it until June).

It's just disheartening to think about how much I've busted my motherfucking ass at this job ... Sorry. I took a break to watch puppy cam. Where was I?

Oh yeah. It's disheartening to work so hard and have no one acknowledge it in any way whatsoever. I've been working nights, vacation days and weekends for months. My billable time -- the only criteria by which my boss said he was going to by which my boss said he was going to judge our raises -- has been sky-high. I'm not sure anyone on the team had higher billable last year. Do you think that means I got the biggest raise? Highly fucking doubtful.

I shouldn't say no one has noticed my hard work. My clients love my work and tell me or tell others. But what does that matter? I mean, they're only the ones who pay money to the company. But they notice and they make sure to tell me, unlike the people who employ me.

This is going to make me work harder at setting boundaries. I'm going to do my damndest to not work late or nights or weekends. And I'm goddamn sure I won't be working on my vacation days.

Despite all my bitching, it's nice to get a raise at all; especially one that didn't require me to almost quit. This is the first normal raise I've gotten in ... at least six years. My big raise last year was basically four or five years of raises I didn't get all rolled up together.

I'm clearly some sort of failure. Guess I'll drink more wine.

08 May 2011

It's a Cinco de Mayo Miracle.

Okay, so the Cinco de Mayo Miracle actually happened on Cinco de Mayo. I dropped an English muffin with sunflower butter, and while it ended up sunflower butter-side down, I didn't get anything on my clothes. I consider that a win.

I was annoyed that my siblings decided to go the farm Friday to spend some time with Mom for Mother's Day. It was the first nice Friday in forever, and I wanted to have an impromptu deck-drinking session. But I guess it was better to get it out of the way so I didn't have to leave The Boy I Currently Like's place early today. Plus, I got in some dog-petting time.

And who wouldn't want to pet this spaz? (My forearms still bear scratches from her spazzy love.)


Aside from dog petting, the trip home was more lame than not. The restaurant we went to Friday night was fucking terrible. But then I went out and got drunk with my brother and SIL. And my cousin and other random people.

My evening with The Boy was delightful, as always. I did karaoke Friday night and sang more with Rock Band last night. We watched a pretty disappointing Saturday Night Live. Honestly -- you can't do better with Tina Fey hosting? Sweet Christ.

Now today, I feel like I was super-productive. I did laundry. I washed my sheets, mattress pad and pillow covers and flipped my mattress. All of my windows were open at one point today. I did some cooking (Moroccan Stewed Chicken and quinoa) to have lunch for this week. I probably did some other stuff, but I'm forgetting now.

Oh! I got caught up on The Killing last week, and tonight, I watched it as it was on. Fancy! Honestly, if you have AMC, you should be watching this show. It's got a Twin Peaks-vibe (a murdered high school girl with a secret life in the Pacific Northwest), but it's not nearly as weird. Still, it's a great show. The acting is the best I've seen on TV in a very long time.

I'm starting to feel like I'm babbling (maybe I should have noticed that earlier). I should get ready for bed. This is my second consecutive weekend NOT working. That is all kinds of awesome. And I'm distracted by Wild Russia, so I'm gonna sign off.

04 May 2011

The picture of restraint.

I met KayGee at the MOA after work tonight to help her do some makeup shopping. After our makeup class last week, she had a fairly substantial list of items she needed.

We went to Sephora and Aveda. She spent a shitload of money at Sephora and we got free shit at Aveda. We also plotted what we're going to buy this weekend, when we get double pure privilege points at Aveda.

The big news here, though, is that we were in Sephora for what seems like forever, AND I DIDN'T BUY A SINGLE THING. I'm amazing!

I'm not some sort of superhero, though. I got two new eye shadows and a new lip glass at MAC on Friday. On Thursday, a couple of eye shadow/convertible color palettes from Stila arrived in the mail, too. So, really, what the hell did I need? Then again, what do I ever need?

Now that KayGee has her new makeup, we're going to have a tutorial night some time next week or the following. It'll be good, because I have crazy new eye shadows that I need to test. I'm pretty stoked.

Sometimes, it feels good to be girlie.

03 May 2011

Remarkable turnaround.

I left work today feeling like absolute poo. It was mostly mental, but a little physical, too. I'm really not sure why. Work wasn't terrible, though I wasn't at all productive.

I'm just feeling so shitty about myself for whatever reason. Okay, it's at least in part because my face has been a mess for what feels like forever. Each month, it feels like I have roughly 2.5 days of decent-looking skin. Shark Week seems to be coming more than it should, which has to be a contributing factor. I don't know what the reason is for the increase in Shark Week occurrences, but I'm hoping it is just another phase of my body adjusting to the IUD (after well more than a year) and it will end soon. And I don't even feel like getting into all the bloating and body image shit that goes along with extra Shark Weeks, either.

My cranky face was on full display at the gym. I could feel myself scowling. At some point, I feel like I transitioned to a more neutral face, but still a touch scowly. I was on the elliptical, feeling a bit better as I watched Lawrence O'Donnell on MSNBC when someone touched my shoulder. I turned around to see my favorite yoga instructor. She was back! Okay, kinda back. She doesn't have a class yet; she was just taking a yoga class. But she's had her twins and is ready to come back.

Since she went on maternity leave at the end of November I've gone to three or four yoga classes. When I go, I remember why I love it so much. Yet, I just really don't like the instructors. Also, I can't make it to the 6:30 class in time and the 7:45 class finishes too fucking late. Unless, of course, Renee is teaching said late class. I'll go to that shit. She'll be back whenever a class opens up. At the very least, the instructor who replaced her is pregnant and will have to leave at some point.

Also, I'm going to get to a yoga class this week, even if it means I won't get home until well after 9:00.

That would seem like enough to turn one's day around, right? Well, at least my day. Oh, but we weren't done. I came home to find my new makeup (Stila one-step correct) AND my Rock the Garden tickets. Hooray!

But wait! That's not all. I came into the Twins-Bitch Sox game in the fifth. I was listening to Dazzle and Gordo on the radio broadcast. It took FOREVER to hear the score. Though, when I was parking at Trader Joe's, Dazzle said Liriano had a little no-hitter going. Big deal. It's the fifth inning.

I finally find out the Twins are up 1-0 on a Jason Kubel homer. And F-Bomb is still throwing a no-hitter. Holy shit!

And you know what? HE THREW A NO-HITTER. Oh my God. I'm pretty sure this is the first no-hitter I've ever seen. Certainly it is the only one I remember. I was super concerned about someone Tweeting or Facebook posting about it, but the Twins/baseball fans I follow on Twitter and my Facebook friends have plenty of goddamn sense and didn't say a word. Thank you Jebus.

Also, I will freely admit that Justin Morneau missed that tag on the double play in whatever inning that was where he missed the tag (eighth?). But you know what? It's about motherfucking time one of those calls goes in the Twins favor. It seems like those calls ALWAYS go against the Twins, and have for years. Shit, there was one in the game against the Royals on Saturday or Sunday where the ump missed a tag at second. It's the nature of the game, jerkoffs.

So today turned out to be okay. I still feel disgusting and ugly, but my mood has improved. That will have to do for now.

02 May 2011

Maybe this is the week things get back to normal.

I'm done with my nephew-sitting. He was more of a challenge than any of the dogs, but considerably less gassy. I'm a little surprised by the less-gassy part, quite frankly. He's a teenager, you know.

So now I'm wondering if this is the week when my life gets back to normal -- where I don't work crazy hours and I get to the gym every night and all that. Except I know it won't. I didn't get to the gym tonight, as I was making dinner for the nephew and had to pick up my sister and her friend from the airport.

That's not the end of it, either. I think I'm going makeup shopping with KayGee this week. And let's be honest -- I really want to do that. I feel bad about getting out of my gym routine anytime I do it, but things like the makeup class or makeup shopping or happy hour ... well, I still feel guilty, but not that guilty. Because I'm doing something fun/delightful, usually with friends.

This will be another not-so-routine week, but I at least I think it will be all non-work stuff pushing me out of my rut. AWESOME. I didn't even work this weekend. NO. WORK. ALL. WEEKEND. It was like some sort of May Day miracle.

I'm suddenly getting super-tired. I meant to write more, but I think I'm going to have to cut this off shortly.

The weather is supposed to get better starting tomorrow. Not that it would take much, since it snowed this morning and yesterday morning. Sure, it's just flurries. But it is snow. IN MAY. It's so disheartening, y'all.

Um, yeah, so I'm just going to stop now. I'm wiped. I'm excited to not be bitching about work, though. That feels really nice.