02 October 2011

This time it wasn't a false alarm.

Jesus. Every time I think I've written about something it turns out that I haven't. Or I used the wrong tag or am searching the wrong terms or whatever.

I thought I'd written recently-ish about another false alarm in regard to my Grandpa's health. There have been a few instances of him being proclaimed to have "just a matter of time" left and that just wasn't the case. The most recent was in late July when he was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and he could go any day.

Well, he finally did go yesterday in the wee hours of the morning. I had a pretty strong feeling this time would be different, since my mom said she had gone on Friday to say her goodbyes. I don't yet know what exactly it was that finally killed him. I mean, he was 92. He'd had a recent bout with pneumonia. He'd had several strokes. He had Parkinson's. He had fallen and had a head injury. I suppose saying, "it's only a matter of time," is a safe bet when you get to 92.

I don't really fell like rehashing the things I've been writing about my mom's parents over the years. I don't feel a whole lot right now. I'm glad he's not suffering. Knowing the things I've learned over the last few years about my mom's parents, though, I find it hard to feel much of anything toward those people. And I feel bad about that.

Now I get to deal with coworkers' sympathies, which I don't exactly know how to handle. I suppose a thank you will suffice. There are just some people who don't need to get the whole complicated family story. Hopefully I'll be able to just get in and work for a few hours and take off. I already spent a good four hours working today. With a half day tomorrow, I probably don't need to take a half day off ... you know what, maybe I just won't.

Whatever. I'm dreading the family interaction tomorrow and Tuesday. I don't know what it is going to be like. I hope against hope my asshole cousins will keep the drama to themselves and won't start shit. But ... man, I don't know. It's not a fucking competition. I know why some of my cousins love them, but I don't think they have any sort of a clue as to why the rest of us feel the way we do about them. They don't know they way our grandparents treated my mom and another of her sisters when they were kids.

Crap. I feel like I'm rambling. I have a lot to do yet tonight. At least I get to see my favorite doggie when I'm home, even if just for a little while.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i'm sorry for your loss. and i totally understand the whole family issues thing. i have one like that. family gatherings are such a challenge. anyway, best to you.
barbara