I never sleep well when I'm at home. Never. I think that exacerbates the general exhaustion that comes with spending time with my family. This visit was no different.
That's not to say it was terrible. Everything went better than I expected it would. There were no fights, nor were there any meltdowns. Having to speak to family members I'd rather not even see was awkward, but not horrible. Even the hordes of children (where did they all come from?) were okay.
There were a couple of moments that could have been awkward. At the bar last night and during the funeral service today, my cousin breastfed her baby. My brother and cousin lost their shit when she did it last night and even more people remarked on her doing it during the funeral.
I tried to remind them that it is totally legal to breastfeed in public. No one was disputing that. They just thought it was supremely unclassly. It didn't bother me, but I can see why it would bother some people. There were places she could have gone even in the bar last night and there were certainly places for her to go at church last night.
I'm well aware that this is a super-sticky subject out in the world. Like I said, it didn't bother me. It's not like they could even see anything. Is the idea of it simply too much to handle? Even if they did see something, Jesus, it's just a boob. I was far more uncomfortable hearing my sister-in-law talk about how she thought 45 minutes of sex was "just gross."
On the other hand, coming from the less-classy portion of the family, it's kind of an easy target. We were pretty shocked that no one showed up to the funeral in jeans, if that says anything about some of my relatives. Though, we did have to get my mom to reconsider her outfit ... Ugh.
But it's over. I managed to learn the songs I sang at the funeral in about a half hour total of practice. That practice got me out of family time, so I'm not complaining. My nephew brought some of my cousins' kids down while I was practicing and after the funeral one of them asked, "Do you think you did a good job singing those songs?" I said I didn't know, did he think I did a good job? He said yes. I think praise from a precocious seven-year-old means more to me than some of the other people.
Now I have to get back to my routine. Though, I had a respite. I got home around mid-afternoon and instead of going to the gym or popping into the office, I sat out on the deck and read for like, three hours. It was lovely outside. I think I totally made the right decision. I feel much better now.