31 October 2011

HerRoom sucks.

I got a response from HerRoom today about my defective bra.

Jerrica responded with this:

Thank you for your inquiry. Unfortunately, since the item is past our 30 day return policy, we are unable to accept the item back. Our return policy does state that items can be returned for an exchange within 30 days, unworn, unwashed, with tags. If I may be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me. I hope this answers your question. Thank you so much for shopping with us today. We hope your online experience at www.HerRoom.com / www.HisRoom.com was a pleasant one.

Pleasant? Not so fucking much, Jerrica. I replied to her e-mail and to the general customer service e-mail and said I couldn't believe they didn't have something in place to deal with defective merchandise. How the fuck am I supposed to know it was going to fall apart within two months? I also said I'd never shop with them again and would tell my friends, family, blog readers and Twitter followers to never shop at HerRoom.

I have yet to get a response. The review I left Saturday has yet to be posted. I'll be leaving another one. Unfortunately, they're not on Twitter.

You know who is on Twitter, though? Le Mystère. They have yet to respond to my customer service inquiry, so I'm following on Twitter and trying to complain there. My first response was a message from them thanking me for following and asking if I knew they were on Facebook. Oh, believe me -- that's my next step.

This is fucking bullshit. HerRoom and Le Mystère can go fuck themselves.

30 October 2011

Where did you go, weekend?

I am not ready to go back to work tomorrow. Not. At. All. I feel like my weekend was all-go, no being lazy. Well, I did get a nap in this afternoon, though, I didn't mean to take a nap.

Being busy wasn't terrible or anything. I stayed up way too late with The Boy I Currently Like Friday night, then went to watch my nephew play football with a headache. Stupid wine and not enough water. After that, lunch with the fam and some errands, I went over to M&S's house to watch the Gophers beat Iowa and keep Floyd of Rosedale. Oh, it was a fun game.

Last night, I watched The Shining and went over to Macho Man's place to do his makeup for Halloween. He was going for first-time tranny/novice drag queen. I think I did okay. It was a bit of a dream for me to finally put makeup on a boy. It was not a disappointing experience.

Now here I am, finishing up my Sunday night cooking (butternut squash soup, whole wheat beer bread with cheese and chives and oatmeal for breakfast all week). There's a laundry basket full of clothes on my bed that needs to be put away. I kinda have to do that before bed. Oh, and I have to get all the food put away. Shit. I suppose I should go do that.

29 October 2011

Oh. Hell. No.

Boy, it seemed like just yesterday that I was raving about my new bras. It was, in fact, less than two months ago.

Boy howdy, my position has changed. I just got back from doing Macho Man's Halloween makeup (he's going as a lady!) and was opening a bottle of wine when I felt something poking into my side. I thought my bra just needed to be adjusted. Tried that to no avail. I did a bit more investigating and found a wire poking out on the left side.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? This bra cost $65. I've had it for less than two months. I've barely washed it. I've babied it to no end, because I read a lot of the reviews on Her Room and they said to not wear them on consecutive days, to wash them on gentle or hand wash them, to do all the hooks before washing and dry them flat. I DID ALL OF THAT. I did everything I was supposed to do to take good care of these bras. I did more than I've ever done for any bra I've ever owned in my 25-plus years of bra-wearing. And this one lasted a whopping two months.

My cheap-ass Frederick's of Hollywood bras rarely bust underwires, and I don't baby them nearly as much as I've babied these fucking Le Mystère bras. My cheap-ass Frederick's bras last plenty long. I changed into one that's two or three years old just a few minutes ago after the wire popped out of the Le Mystère Dream Tisha bra.

Fuck. You. Le Mystère.

Don't worry. This isn't empty complaining. I'm going to be reviewing my purchase on Her Room and contacting customer service. I'll also go straight to Le Mystère. They'll all be getting a link to this blog post and my Twitter feed.

Edited to add: I spaced about the $76 Le Mystère bra I bought from Macy's and had to return because it started falling apart after oh, eight hours or so of wear. Seriously, Le Mystère, your shit is entirely too expensive to fall apart like that.

27 October 2011


I have been wearing lipstick every day this week since Tuesday. Okay, so that's a whopping three days. However, I don't know if I've ever worn lipstick three consecutive days. If I have, it certainly hasn't been for a full day.

For years, I've been searching for a lip color that looks good on me; that looks good to me. I have a weird thing about lip color. I tend to think my lips look too thin or the color is way too bright or wearing lip color makes the rest of my face look greasy (I swear, it does).

I've been looking for a lipstick shade that is close to my natural lip color for years, but nothing has worked. HOWEVER! Monday, I went to MAC with Urbanwanderlust and the lass who was helping us showed me Modesty. It's lighter than I would have thought would have worked, but once its on with some lip liner, it works. It's barely different than my natural lip color, so it's not a huge difference from wearing nothing but lip balm. And yet, it is hugely different. It just feels like my makeup look is more polished, more finished.

This is a really exciting development for me. I figure I can get used to wearing the neutral shade and then work my way up to wearing something a bit more bold. I can't believe it took me all these years to figure this shit out. Or just to finally buckle down and do it.

But wait! There is another MAC product I must highly recommend. Well, first, let me say that I was never a believer in primers until after I took my first class at the Beauty Lounge. Truth be told, I wasn't even a firm believer the entire time I was using the Stila One-Step Color Correct primer. Once I ran out, though? Holy shit. It totally makes a difference (note: I've used some shitty primers, too -- Smashbox Photo Finish and Too Faced were TERRIBLE for me).

While I thought the Stila primer was great, I had no idea what great was until I tried MAC's Prime + Face Protect. Holy shit. It is AMAZING. For me. Your experience may be totally different, because I know like, a billion people love the Smashbox primer. I thought I was one of those people who was the freak and nothing worked for her. To find something that neither exacerbates my facial oil production nor dries my skin out nor makes me break out, yet also makes my makeup stay on longer and makes my skin generally look better? I have hit the jackpot, y'all.

The best part about all of this is that I've felt ... well, maybe not pretty, but definitely not ugly. For a few days in a row now. I really don't know how much more I can ask for at this point.

25 October 2011

Holiday drama starts early.

There have been e-mails and phone calls over the past few days about our gift exchange for my dad's side of the family Christmas. It's freakin' October.

Apparently, we're going from drawing names to a fancier White Elephant gift exchange. My mom is apparently upset (allegedly my dad is, too, but I don't know that is true). I mean, I kind of am, too, but mostly because I think a white elephant is lame, no matter how much money you spend on it.

I don't understand why anyone thinks it will be easier to buy something that anyone in the family age 15 and up would like than it would be to buy a gift for someone you've known for ... oh, pretty much your entire life.

Man, I don't need any more crap. I think I'll just not participate, but regardless, family drama starting two months early just makes me want to avoid the whole fucking thing. I really used to love spending time with my dad's family, but it's getting less fun all the time.

24 October 2011

Day salvaged.

I did not have a good day today. I was exhausted and foggy-headed. I think I might be getting sick. But maybe not. Maybe it's hormonal fatigue. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. I just felt sad and shitty.

However! A trip to the MAC store with Urbanwanderlust, followed by a trip to Happy Hour at Chino Latino has totally salvaged this day. Perhaps even the week. All I know is that I no longer feel terrible. That's all that really mattered.

23 October 2011


I am crabby. Maybe crabby isn't quite right. Perhaps "down" or "in a funk" would be better. Regardless of the exact word, I am not happy today. I'm tired and lethargic. Not too terribly hungry or even that interested in drinking.

Despite all of that, I got to the gym and went to a football party. I didn't stay at the football party very long, but I went. I had a good time. I didn't really think about how shitty I was feeling while I was there. I watched football, drank wine out of my wee Bota Box, sang some harmony on Rock Band and ate some good food.

Then I came home and sulked some more. I got a little more cooking done -- candied some walnuts for spinach salad and cooked up some steel cut oats for the week's breakfast. I did my dishes. Now I'm going to read and dread work. Though, this week shouldn't be too terrible. That will all change, I'm sure.

Hopefully doing some makeup shopping tomorrow will make me feel better.

22 October 2011


The Boy I Currently Like and I took Friday off work, as we both have a considerable number of days to take before the end of the year. We had a delightful day -- we started at Como Zoo, where we went to see the bears visiting from the Minot Zoo. They sent two brown bears and a Grizzly to Como because there was really terrible flooding there earlier this year.

The bears are pretty awesome.

We saw so many more active animals on Friday than any time we've been there. One of the lions was awake, the tiger was up and walking around, the Arctic foxes were running around, we saw the Caribou, and Buzz, the dominant male polar bear, was putting on quite the show, or so we heard.

After the zoo, we went bowling, which was delightful. Then we went to a Nacho Party. It was a really fun day. I'm not sure we've had a day where we've done so much together.

Today, I went to W's baby shower. It was a pretty good shower. There were mimosas and my family wasn't there. I got to pet a dog and hang out with a four-year-old, who seems to think I'm okay. Meeting a friend's family is always interesting.

It's weird -- it's like pulling teeth to get me to go to a cousin's baby shower. But I was happy to go to W's shower today. I think it goes to the whole "family of choice" thing. I'm really glad I have such a great family of choice.

There is probably more for me to write. I made some delicious food this evening, but I am tired and I need to get to bed, 'cause I have to get to the gym early so I can get to a football-watching, Rock Band-playing party.

19 October 2011

I don't like talking to naked strangers.

I was packing up my shit after working out tonight, and my book was sitting on the bench, as I was waiting to fully pack my gym bag until I'd managed to stow my shoes in the shoe compartment.

A woman came in from the shower -- butt-ass nekkid, with a towel around her hair. She asked which Neil Gaiman book I was reading (The Graveyard Book ... yeah, its YA. So what? The Boy I Currently Like loaded it to me) and that started a conversation. I wasn't going to be rude just because she was in her birthday suit.

It still felt a little awkward.

Seems weird, doesn't it, that in all the years I've been a member of one gym or another, that I've never had a conversation with a naked stranger. The last time I had a conversation with a naked woman was probably in a locker room in high school.

Another milestone crossed in this life of mine. Yay?

Oh, and I totally overstayed my two-hour parking validation for the first time ever at the Uptown LA Fitness. I had to pay ONE DOLLAR. It never even occurred to me that I could have been there for more than two hours. I blame the naked woman.

18 October 2011

Why you gotta play me like that, Monday in a Hat?

Tuesdays suck. Today was a Tuesday. It kinda sucked.

The floor of the yoga studio at the gym was covered with sawdust on a day I already used my inhaler on two different occasions.

I had bad cramps and no Ibuprofen.

There was no boxed wine at Trader Joe's and there hasn't been for more than a week.

White Whine, I know. I never said it wasn't a First World problem.

17 October 2011

You're not fooling anyone.

I bet the creepy losers at the gym who sit and stare at the women in the hip hop dance class don't think they are creepy losers. But they really are. You're just sitting on that machine. You're not doing anything but ogling those women.

Also observed at the gym this evening:

A couple of ladies who could have used a really good sport bra. In fact, they both could have used any bra. Anything at all. Those tits are already saggy -- you don't want to be bouncing around with no support.

The best place to train your personal training client is definitely in the space a few feet from the drinking fountains and next to the entryway to the locker rooms. I can't imagine she'd feel uncomfortable or anything. And there's so much space for her to move freely. You're certainly not in anyone's way.

16 October 2011

I'm productive!

Holy crap, I feel like I've gotten a shitload of stuff done this weekend. (Wait -- what's this? "Shitload" doesn't have the red, squiggly underline. It's a real word!)

After I came home from The Boy I Currently Like's house yesterday, I ran some errands, tried -- and failed -- to go to the gym (long story involving a soaking wet purse), did my laundry, made soup, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned up some veggies and did my dishes. I even managed to drink a bunch of wine.

I managed to get up early today and get to the gym by like, 10:15, which has been unheard of in my house for the last couple of years. I even woke up before my alarm went off. CRAZY. The early trip to the gym was necessary because I was going to my goddaughter's basketball game. I did so well that I beat her dad and grandparents to the game. In the interest of full disclosure, I do only live about a mile from the venue. Still -- I made it on time.

After the game is really where I got my chance to shine, productivity-wise. I was the Bookmobile lady, picking up and dropping off books for KayGee, The Prison Librarian and W. I got some dog-petting in, saw some craftiness and technology and bought socks and underwear in between.

When I got home I decided I needed to do some baking, because, despite the note on my door telling me "heating season has begun and you need to get your air conditioner out of the window), the temperature in my apartment has only dropped since I got home yesterday. The heat hasn't kicked on once. I don't want to have to fucking call them. Gah.

Possibly the most exciting thing to happen to me this weekend, though, was that I finally got NFL RedZone. Except I wasn't home to enjoy it for the vast majority of football today. Next week, though, I'm gonna watch the shit out of it!

Remember that other blog I have?

I've been very derelict in my duties when it comes to my other blog, That's not a parking spot, asshole. I'm sorry. It's not that I haven't been obtaining photographic evidence of assholish parking. I have. It's the getting photos off my phone and editing them and posting them that's been the problem.

But I'm back! I have posted new stuff (quite a bit, actually). I posted submissions that have been languishing in my inbox for months (so very sorry, James). I even posted something that I witness this very morning.

So, you know ... you should check it out. And send stuff.

15 October 2011

Seems like only yesterday.

It really doesn't seem like it was four years ago today that I was so nervous about meeting The Boy I Currently Like for the very first time that I felt like I might throw up. That was until I went to the gym and beat 50 percent of the nervousness out of my body, however.

Just a few days earlier, I was wondering whether or not I should even write about him. That post opened a floodgate of crazy that made me very nearly cancel our Big Date. I don't even know how much I should write about that situation four years later ... I certainly didn't think a woman I'd never met would insert herself into my life and throw things into chaos. Oh, Internets. You're always surprising us, aren't you?

When we struck up our e-mail correspondence, I wondered if anything would ever come of it. When we finally decided to meet, I wondered if anything would come of that. I certainly didn't expect us to have gotten to where we are now.

I'm glad I didn't cancel. I'm glad I've been patient and understanding. I'm glad I know him. I'm glad I know his friends and he knows mine.

13 October 2011

Banner week for the ladies.

First, the city of Topeka, Kansas decriminalized misdemeanor domestic violence. It's a budgetary move and a game of chicken. That doesn't fucking matter. It's Domestic Violence Awareness Month, for fuck's sake.

Today, the House passed the "Let Women Die" act. The bill would allow hospitals to refuse women a life-saving abortion. The woman's life is what we're talking about here. This fucking piece of shit bill passed the fucking House today.

I'm too filled with rage to even write anything about this. It's just a really nice eye opener to see what society thinks of women. Not that it is surprising. It's not like it's 2011, or anything.

I think I'll go cry myself to sleep now.

12 October 2011

You don't want to sit in my cooter sweat, right?

That's why I wipe down the equipment after I use it at the gym. So why don't y'all wipe your ball/ass sweat off after you're done using something? I'm asking you, denizens of LA Fitness in Uptown Minneapolis.

Tonight at the gym I had to clean about 50 percent of the equipment I used. That's too fucking much, goddammit. Y'all are disgusting. I'm not your mom. It is not my job to clean up after you. Why do you have to be such an inconsiderate asshole?

I hope your pet/child/roommate shits in your shoes.

11 October 2011

Ummmm ...

At some point today, I had a blog post all composed in my head. It was going to be fairly brief, I'm pretty sure of that. But I don't remember anything else. Somewhere between work, yoga, Trader Joe's and seeing my neighborhood Bernese Mountain Dog, I forgot all about it.

So please enjoy this picture I took at Trader Joe's this evening. Can you spot the thing that is amiss?

09 October 2011

Indian Summer.

It's October 9 and I broke down this afternoon and turned on the air conditioning. I had to. It was 80 degrees in here and I had cooking and dishes to do tonight. As it was, I was a sweaty mess when I finally finished up.

Sure, it's ridiculous to turn on the air conditioning for probably just one day, but hey -- it's just one day. That will cost me barely anything. And what choice do I have when it's been in the 80s and close to 90 a couple times for nearly a week?

There are a couple of good things about this unseasonable warmth. First, I've gotten to spend time on the deck. I felt cheated much of this summer. It was cold and gross for most of the spring, and then it got ridiculously hot. Plus, all that rain meant billions of mosquitoes. I feel a little bit like I've been making up for lost time.

Secondly, I'm hoping the extra nice weather makes me really appreciate fall. It's supposed to be in the 50s all next week, and I think I'll appreciate that.

Hopefully, soaking up all this extra sun and warmth will make January (and the rest of winter) bearable. Or less hateful, at the very least.

07 October 2011

WNBA Champs!

(Photo from Kyndell Highness/Star Tribune)

There have been close calls -- the Wolves in the Western Conference Finals, the Gopher men and women in the NCAA basketball Final Four (though, the men's never happened, according to the record books) -- since the Twins won the 1991 World Series. The Gopher men's and women's hockey teams and wrestling teams have all won national championships in those days, but ... well, those aren't exactly major sports.

But tonight, that all changed. The Minnesota Lynx are the WNBA champions. They swept the Atlanta Dream in three games. Nice fucking work, ladies. It feels good to live in a championship town again, and it was nice to have a little extra hoops action to store up for a potentially NBA-less winter.

05 October 2011

One of those times you wish you had a camera.

Alas, mine was in my purse across the room. I would have loved to get a photo of the funeral luncheon yesterday. It was epic in its Lutheran church basementness.

We had scalloped potatoes with ham, creamy fruit salad and buttered white bread. The only thing that broke up the beige on my white plate was the pile of dill pickles I added.

This was my first Lutheran church basement/funeral meal, but I'd heard all the stereotypes. It's nice that my first experience confirmed it. The food wasn't bad, for all it's bland appearance. I thought the scalloped potatoes were far more flavorful than those I remember eating at school. My mom sniffed in disdain, though, when I pointed out the herbs in the potatoes. She was all "That's because they use cream of celery soup." I figured it was too much to hope they had really added herbs on their own.

My mom said she'd rather have pizza at her funeral luncheon. I shall make that shit happen when the day comes.

04 October 2011

Family time is always exhausting.

I never sleep well when I'm at home. Never. I think that exacerbates the general exhaustion that comes with spending time with my family. This visit was no different.

That's not to say it was terrible. Everything went better than I expected it would. There were no fights, nor were there any meltdowns. Having to speak to family members I'd rather not even see was awkward, but not horrible. Even the hordes of children (where did they all come from?) were okay.

There were a couple of moments that could have been awkward. At the bar last night and during the funeral service today, my cousin breastfed her baby. My brother and cousin lost their shit when she did it last night and even more people remarked on her doing it during the funeral.

I tried to remind them that it is totally legal to breastfeed in public. No one was disputing that. They just thought it was supremely unclassly. It didn't bother me, but I can see why it would bother some people. There were places she could have gone even in the bar last night and there were certainly places for her to go at church last night.

I'm well aware that this is a super-sticky subject out in the world. Like I said, it didn't bother me. It's not like they could even see anything. Is the idea of it simply too much to handle? Even if they did see something, Jesus, it's just a boob. I was far more uncomfortable hearing my sister-in-law talk about how she thought 45 minutes of sex was "just gross."

On the other hand, coming from the less-classy portion of the family, it's kind of an easy target. We were pretty shocked that no one showed up to the funeral in jeans, if that says anything about some of my relatives. Though, we did have to get my mom to reconsider her outfit ... Ugh.

But it's over. I managed to learn the songs I sang at the funeral in about a half hour total of practice. That practice got me out of family time, so I'm not complaining. My nephew brought some of my cousins' kids down while I was practicing and after the funeral one of them asked, "Do you think you did a good job singing those songs?" I said I didn't know, did he think I did a good job? He said yes. I think praise from a precocious seven-year-old means more to me than some of the other people.

Now I have to get back to my routine. Though, I had a respite. I got home around mid-afternoon and instead of going to the gym or popping into the office, I sat out on the deck and read for like, three hours. It was lovely outside. I think I totally made the right decision. I feel much better now.

02 October 2011

This time it wasn't a false alarm.

Jesus. Every time I think I've written about something it turns out that I haven't. Or I used the wrong tag or am searching the wrong terms or whatever.

I thought I'd written recently-ish about another false alarm in regard to my Grandpa's health. There have been a few instances of him being proclaimed to have "just a matter of time" left and that just wasn't the case. The most recent was in late July when he was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and he could go any day.

Well, he finally did go yesterday in the wee hours of the morning. I had a pretty strong feeling this time would be different, since my mom said she had gone on Friday to say her goodbyes. I don't yet know what exactly it was that finally killed him. I mean, he was 92. He'd had a recent bout with pneumonia. He'd had several strokes. He had Parkinson's. He had fallen and had a head injury. I suppose saying, "it's only a matter of time," is a safe bet when you get to 92.

I don't really fell like rehashing the things I've been writing about my mom's parents over the years. I don't feel a whole lot right now. I'm glad he's not suffering. Knowing the things I've learned over the last few years about my mom's parents, though, I find it hard to feel much of anything toward those people. And I feel bad about that.

Now I get to deal with coworkers' sympathies, which I don't exactly know how to handle. I suppose a thank you will suffice. There are just some people who don't need to get the whole complicated family story. Hopefully I'll be able to just get in and work for a few hours and take off. I already spent a good four hours working today. With a half day tomorrow, I probably don't need to take a half day off ... you know what, maybe I just won't.

Whatever. I'm dreading the family interaction tomorrow and Tuesday. I don't know what it is going to be like. I hope against hope my asshole cousins will keep the drama to themselves and won't start shit. But ... man, I don't know. It's not a fucking competition. I know why some of my cousins love them, but I don't think they have any sort of a clue as to why the rest of us feel the way we do about them. They don't know they way our grandparents treated my mom and another of her sisters when they were kids.

Crap. I feel like I'm rambling. I have a lot to do yet tonight. At least I get to see my favorite doggie when I'm home, even if just for a little while.