Okay, it was a decision I'd kind of already made, but on which I was wavering. A few weeks ago, or perhaps a couple of months ago, I told The Boy I Currently Like I was probably going to ask him to come to my brother's wedding. Then I changed my mind because I wasn't feeling good about us, and I was mostly sticking to that (the decision, not the reason for it). Except when I was wavering.
Today, however, the invitation for my cousin's wedding arrived in the mail and it was addressed to me alone. I'd concocted a (very loose and completely ill-formed) plan in my head that involved bringing The Boy to that wedding so he could meet my family before my brother's wedding. However, since I can't bring him with me and there are no other opportunities to meet the family at large, I will not be bringing him to my brother's wedding.
Even if he didn't have anxiety disorder, I wouldn't want to just drop him in the middle of a crazy situation like that without having met anyone -- especially since I'll be otherwise occupied wanting to cut myself and drinking myself sane/numb. And I certainly wouldn't want to put him in a miserable situation on his birthday weekend (his special day is the day after the wedding and you'd better believe I'll be using that as a reason to skip out on the morning-after-the-wedding bullshit), no matter how much I want him to be there.
It's a weight off my shoulders, because now I don't have to worry about asking him to do all of these things I know would be torture and I don't have to deal with all of my weird issues about introducing a man to my family. Whew.