14 July 2010

Dear Stupid Hippie Substitute Yoga Instructor:

It's bad enough that we have a substitute instructor. But if you think I'm going to stay for class when you're leaving ALL THE FLUORESCENT LIGHTS on, you are motherfucking high.

My day was long and stressful, as was the day before and the day before that; my brain hurts, for Christ's sake. All I wanted was to relax, and to calm and center myself during yoga. But there isn't one goddamn thing about bright, fluorescent lights that is relaxing or calming. It's bad enough that they suck the juice right out of my eyeballs at work on a daily basis.

I should have gone with my gut instinct from last week when I saw your stupid hippie ass for the first time. And I should have heeded the warning of putting my yoga pants on backward tonight. But no, I had to give it a shot. Now I know. And now I certainly won't be so kind as to hold not one, but TWO doors for you if you come into the gym at the same time as me.

Please go to Hell.


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