20 May 2010


Is it the weather? Is it emotions? What kind of extremes are we talking about here?

The weather over the past couple of weeks is probably more extreme than my emotions, but both seem to have had a very up-and-down quality recently.

Two weeks ago, I was worried about how I was going to deal with the impending snow and frost. Now, I'm trying to decide if I should just put my air conditioner in when I get home from the gym tonight, when I'm already sweaty and gross, or wait until Saturday. Either way, it needs to get done, because it's going to be close to 90 on Sunday and the temps will stay there for several days. Oh Minnesota weather, you so crazy!

I hate to lose one of my living room windows, but what does it matter if install the window AC unit tonight and lose a window for maybe two days? God, it's such a pain in the ass, though. Okay, maybe it's the time thinking about it that's really the pain in the ass. Actually doing it isn't that bad. I've not sliced the shit out of my hands since the first time I tried to pick the behemoth up. I'll end up with bruises on my arms and legs from holding it, but it's not like I don't already have bruises on my arms and legs from ... well, other things, I guess. I'm not always sure why they're there.

Had I been thinking/looking t the extended forecast, I would have asked the strapping young lads (Macho Man and Law Talkin' Gal's boyfriend) at my house on Sunday to install the air conditioner. But I wasn't thinking, so now I'm screwed.

This week seems to have gone pretty fast, because Sunday seems like it was ages ago. It was such a great day and I was in such a great mood. Now? Not so much. I'll chalk it up to being cooped up inside on consecutive beautiful days. Regardless of reason, I'm cranky and generally feel horrible about myself. My hair is gross, I'm fat and ugly. I hate my clothes. Despite my raise a couple of months ago, I feel like I have no money, which is fucking depressing. And on and on.

At least my skin looks pretty good. Only one good thing can be happening at a time, you see. Hair looks great? Zitty and fat. Losing weight and looking good? Gross hair and even grosser face. Halfway decent skin? Revolting body and weird hair. It's fun feeling completely disgusted about yourself. I pretty much hate me right about now.

There are benefits to having no money, I guess. My new iPod should be waiting when I get home. Finally! I'll be able to use it again for more than just working out. Not only should it be able to keep a charge for more than two hours, I'll be able to put twice as many songs on it!

All the fucking birthdays, Mothers and Fathers days and other shit I have to spend money on are wearing on me, though. That's not even taking into account the cash I'm going to have to lay out for the 'rents' wedding anniversary party and my goddamn fucking bridesmaid dress. DO NOT WANT any of that shit. It's completely and utterly depressing to look out on the summer and see most of the weekends claimed by one thing or another, lots of which involve family and driving, none of which will be cheap.

At least it's Thursday. I might get a little alone time come Sunday night. That'll be nice -- in my dark little air-conditioned cave, oblivious to the outside world.

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