30 November 2009

Things I did not need to see today.

1. A toilet at the gym with so much piss on it that I used about five times as much toilet paper cleaning up the pee as I did when I eventually got to pee. Honestly. I will never understand how you can possibly get that much pee fucking everywhere.

2. Old Scrote fondling his wife's ass as they walked up from the locker rooms. DO NOT WANT. You're in a public place for the love of Christ. No one wants to see that. No one. (In the interest of full disclosure, I will admit to being something of an ass fondler myself. I take pretty much any opportunity to slap the ass of The Boy I Currently Like if it's really anywhere within smacking distance. When I'm not smacking, I'm fondling. He returns the favor. But we're doing it in private. We can totally keep our hands to ourselves when in the company of other people.)

However, there were a couple of good decent things happened at the gym. I've forgotten what the first thing was, already. However, a girl totally let me use the cooter machine after I'd finished with the hip adductor machine. After I thanked her profusely, she said, "Oh, you're welcome. I hate it when people screw up my routine." I think I love her a little bit.

29 November 2009

Who doesn't want to hold a good long time relationship?

Sorry, Licia, but I love the cock.

How are you over there?
I know that you would be excited for the fact that you do not know who is writing.
Actually my name is Mis. Licia Awaza,Please my dear i will like us to hold a good long time relationship with real love.and I have something very important that I need to share with you. I am very serious; I shall tell you more about myself and send you my picture in my next mail.please reply back with my email address
Hoping to hear from you soonest.
Yours Licia.

27 November 2009

Thanks for nothin'.

I don't know why I had some crazy notion in my head that my sister might be able to refrain from making snotty comments for a few yours yesterday, what with it being Thanksgiving and all. It was silly for me to think that.

KayGee had said on Thanksgiving Eve that she was excited my sister was joining us. I wasn't so stoked. At least KayGee understood why when my sister managed to criticize my housekeeping, the organization of my cupboards, the size of my apartment and a few other things in just a few hours.

Why it's still bothering me is something of a mystery. Maybe because my favorite day of the year was ruined; the day I'd been looking forward to for months. Now all I have left are family holidays and right now I don't even want to be around my family. Maybe because my sister pretty much invited herself and then was still an asshole.

Then I had to change my plans with The Boy I Currently Like because the friend with whom he hangs out almost every Friday couldn't hang out tonight. So he gets Saturday and I don't get to watch football on Sunday with The Boy. And I was really looking forward to that. I really have to get my shit together and stop crying before I head over there, no matter what.

At least I can now stay as long as I want at the Thanksgiving Leftovers extravaganza 2009 tomorrow. Not sure I have enough sweet potatoes to bring. Good thing I bought a few extra on Wednesday when I stopped in to Super Target. I'm like, on the ball and shit.

Also, I'm not at work. So, there's that.

26 November 2009

Can I be thankful that it's Thanksgiving?

Yay! It's finally here. KayGee and I have been talking about Thanksgiving since July. It is hands-down my favorite holiday of the year.

My prep is going well. Yesterday, I made apple crisp with candied ginger topping and cranberry-ginger relish. The mixers and vodka are in the second refrigerator (aka my deck, since it's 33 degrees). I just took the sweet potatoes out of the oven. I might go ahead and prep my Brussels sprouts if I end up with extra time. There's some tidying up to do yet. But I'm not at all stressed.

In fact, I'm taking my time this morning. There's a Tom & Jerry marathon on Cartoon Network, so I'm a bit distracted. They're showing all my favorites, too. *shakes fist* And I didn't even forget to set my fantasy line-up (not that it fucking matters) or do my picks. Yay me!

Probably though, I should get my ass in the shower shortly. My sister could be here by noon. And a good day of college hoops starts at 11:00 or noon. Thank goodness, because the NFL games all look like poop.

I hope you all have a lovely Turkey Day. Eat, drink and be merry.

24 November 2009

Two things you need to see.

The first absolutely made my day (via Jezebel and Buzzfeed):

The second (sent to me by The Boy I Currently Like, who will get only full-frontal hugs from this painted woman) was hilarious, but in a completely different way:

23 November 2009

So excited.

KayGee stopped by tonight to test out the turkey she bought for Thanksgiving in my roaster. Apparently, she couldn't find a 10-pound turkey, nor could she find a turkey breast. So, we're having a 13-pound turkey.


At the most, there will be four of us. The obscene amount of food we make every year is a running joke, but I'm worried we might become caricatures of ourselves if this continues. Also: leftovers.

Hahahahahahahah. Just kidding. We can never have enough food, because we must plan for every possibly contingency.

I got most of my shopping done tonight. All I really have left is liquor. I may have to buy some cheese/crackers/meat if my sister doesn't come, but that will be last minute. And I already hedged my bets and bought some cheese.

KayGee, the Physical Therapist and I were going to try to volunteer at Open Arms of Minnesota for a bit on Wednesday afternoon. However, by the time KayGee was able to get in touch with someone, they were already booked. It's okay. We can do it an other time. Now I'll have time to go the gym, make my cranberry-ginger relish and sweet potatoes and watch some Law & Order before going to Liquor Lyle's earlier than planned.

I can still barely believe that I have an ACTUAL DAY OFF from work. All that's left is tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure I can get through that. I did a pretty good job of just letting shit roll off my back today.

Oh, why can't it be Thanksgiving now? I can't wait! My posts are going to be all-Thanksgiving, all the time this week. Apologies.

22 November 2009

Just two days. I can do this.

Dear, sweet Jebus. I so need a day off. Like, desperately. In theory, I have Wednesday through Sunday off work. In practice, I will probably be working at some point (or, at several points) over the course of those five days.

And, you know, that's okay. Working from my living room isn't nearly as odious as working in the office. I spent a good chunk of yesterday and today worrying about work. I meant to do some work yesterday, but I was up at 6:00 a.m. Then, my sister, nephew and I had breakfast with our cousin and her wife. We'd not seen them since the wedding in Portland this summer. After that, I had a couple of hours before driving out to the 'burbs to watch my nephew's horrible, horrible basketball team. Then, I was off to see The Boy I Currently Like.

But I thought about working. So, there's that.

I took off from The Boy's quite early today. I was exhausted and stressed. the. fuck. out. However, once I got home and showered and got my laundry going, I sat down to work and it was fine. I feel a bit better about going in to the office for a couple days of work now. I was crying about it earlier.

The good news is: this project is almost done. AND! I only have one 40-hour work week scheduled the remainder of this year. In fact, I will be in the office a maximum of one full day the last two weeks of December. That all depends on when I can get in to get my IUD. I'm pretty sure that will be better than being at the office.

More good news: I'm actually going out to a bar at night this week. The last time I went "out" was in August. And it was wedding-related, so that hardly counts. But Wednesday is Thanksgiving Eve and it is Tradition that we go out on Thanksgiving Eve. It is, after all, the drinkingest night of the year. I've not been to Liquor Lyle's in ages ... probably since my birthday.

I have to get my Thanksgiving shopping done after the gym tomorrow. I'm sure I'll forget stuff and have to go for last-minute stuff Tuesday and Wednesday. It would help if my sister knew if she was coming or not, but her ex-husband is an asshole, so what can you do? Yes, after several years of NO FAMILY THANKSGIVING, my sister might be coming to celebrate with me, KayGee and The Prison Librarian. We will outnumber her, so I think it will be okay. And if I drink enough, who the fuck cares if she criticizes my housekeeping or whatever else she criticizes. I might just tell her to fuck off, too.

Just 16 hours. I can do this. Okay, maybe 18 hours. But I can do it! I will make it and then it'll be Thanksgiving Eve and everything will be AWESOME.

19 November 2009

Itchy, red welts.

All over my buttocks. Not really. But I can't resist giving a shout-out to NewsRadio at every opportunity. And hey -- at least I won't be showing my ass to Bob Costas (I wager maybe three people will get this).

I do have a nickel sensitivity. The doctor hasn't "read" my results yet, but the nurse deemed it a strong positive when she removed the patch on Wednesday. Actually, she needed help. She couldn't decide if it was a weak or a strong positive and had to get another nurse to help her decide. The second nurse knew right away. And quite frankly, if what I had was a weak positive, I'm pretty sure an extreme positive would kill me. Because, oh my God y'all, THE ITCHING. And I can't touch it until after tomorrow. I'M DYING.

Not being able to get the sterilization is disappointing. However, I didn't even know it was an option six weeks ago, so going with my original choice shouldn't be that big of a blow. All I know is that I need to NOT be on birth control when I switch to the new insurance plan next year. Paying $600 a year for the fucking Pill is RI.DIC.U.LOUS. Fucking honestly. I am still astounded that it would cost more with insurance "coverage" than I paid when my insurance didn't cover any prescriptions at all.

New health insurance bonus, though -- my asthma meds are considered preventive, so they will be free. That will save me more than a grand next year. It's good to know that being able to breathe is considered essential maintenance. My thyroid meds are not. Because I guess preventing my thyroid from growing back to prevent the return of thyroid cancer isn't considered prevention or maintenance. Such is life, right?

This week so needs to be over. I'm so ready for a short week and THANKSGIVING. I'm so excited, y'all. Kaygee and I have been e-mailing for a good week now; planning our menu and drinks, dividing responsibility, trading recipes, discussing Thanksgiving Eve plans (Liquor Lyle's, y'all). I need a few days off. Even if I end up working at home part of Wednesday and Friday -- I need it. I'm not in a terrible mood this week, or anything. Well, I wasn't really, but when I came home from the gym, I got inexplicably pissed at nothing. I'm not even sure why I'm angry or toward what or whom my anger is directed. Clearly, I need wine. Or more wine.

18 November 2009

popchips!: a review.

A few weeks ago, the good people at popchips! sent me a box o' goodies for sampling. And sample I did. Quite honestly, I'm kind of shocked it took me as long to get through them as it did. My restraint was admirable, because popchips! are de.li.cious.

Deliciousness aside, they're also not terrible for you. I no longer have one of the single-serve bags, but if memory serves, a bag has little more than 100 calories per serving. Oh, 120 calories and four grams of fat. That's for the original flavor. They're not at all greasy. However, they don't have that Pringles-like texture that most baked potato chips have. In large part, I imagine, because they're not baked. Honestly, that was a bad decision by baked chip makers. Pringles are gross. Baked chips have improved vastly, but honestly, they have nothing on popchips!.

But back to deliciousness: can you really put it aside? I think not. The thing I like best about popchips! is that they are so freakin' potato-y. Outside of the sour cream and onion and barbeque flavors, you REALLY get a straight-up potato-y goodness that I find delightful. Disclaimer: I am Irish and I love potatoes in pretty much any form. Even in the salt and vinegar flavor (in the running for my favorite, but it was nudged out of the top spot by an underdog), with all it's tangy goodness, still let the flavor of the tater shine through.

My favorite flavor was cheddar. I was a little surprised, because I am a huge fan of salt and vinegar. But the cheddar ... it had a subtle tang to it. The flavor is really difficult to explain. It's not your traditional cheese-flavored salty snack. Honestly, I don't think it's even obviously cheese-flavored. It's just so understated. But so good. Also surprisingly delicious was salt and pepper. Not very salty, with a very nice pepper kick. I would say sour cream and onion and barbeque are exactly what you would expect. The former, I don't really care for; the latter, I do quite like. Despite the fact that I don't generally like sour cream and onion, sometimes you just need that fake sour cream and onion (it's sour cream and onion the way purple is a fruit). So really, they're all good. Some flavors are just MILES ahead of others.

Verdict: yummy and you can eat a lot and not feel terribly guilty. Get yourself some popchips! and if I see you, maybe I'll have a coupon for you.

Up next (at some point): goodies from the lovely Justin of J&D's Bacon Salt.

17 November 2009

Ohio's new death penalty: Killing them with beauty.

Oh, terribly copy editing. Where would I be without you? From an AP story, found on the Strib's website about a denied appeal for a condemned killer in Ohio.

The Department of Rehabilitation and Correction announced Friday that it was eliminating the standard three-drug lethal cocktail, used in dozens of states, and instead would use a single, powerful dose of aesthetic. A backup method allows for the injection of two drugs directly into an inmate's muscle. (Emphasis added)

I guess that's not cruel and unusual punishment, is it?

16 November 2009

Now with more positivity.

I am so glad to be back to my life. I love my family, but spending an entire weekend with them -- from the moment I left work Friday until I dropped my sister and nephew off at their house -- is just too damn much for me anymore. I mean, it was almost a full 48 hours.

The wake and funeral were ... well, I guess I don't know what you, Dear Readers, might expect. It was close to what I'm used to in a family, Irish-Catholic wake and funeral: stories, tears, laughter, drinking, eating and carousing after all that.

Seeing how the nuns did things was very interesting. I've been to Mass at Assisi Heights a handful of times and I even spent a weekend with The Nun at whatever convent she was at in Winona with my sister. I was in sixth grade, my sister was in third. I often say that's where things went terribly wrong for me. But I'd never seen the community the way I saw it this weekend. How they did everything themselves (save for what the Church doesn't allow women to do), the tradition, the ritual.

Now I'm back to my life and it's annoyances and things. Maybe I was inspired by Stephanie, but I didn't dwell too much on the annoyances as they happened today. Instead, I chose to look on the bright side.

Take, for example, my visit to the doctor to do my nickel patch test to see if I can get Essure or not. Except the chances of me getting Essure are slim to none, given the impending health insurance changes coming at work. I went in to get the patch put on and found out I can't get the thing wet. I thought, "Well, how will I clean up after the gym?" And the nurse, as if reading my thoughts, said "So, you know, you can't go to the gym and get sweaty or anything like that."

So, no working out Monday or Tuesday. No shower Tuesday. My appointment to get the patch removed is Wednesday morning, so I can't shower until after that. But you know what that means? I get to sleep in tomorrow and Wednesday. I'll also work from home on Wednesday, so I can come back from my appointment and shower. Further bonus: it doesn't seem to be terribly itchy at this point or anything, so I if I go with the Mirena IUD, in five years, I shall know that Essure is a valid option for me, whatever happens in the coming weeks.

No gym means I have two full nights at home to clear things off my DVR and do some decadent weeknight baking. Tonight, I'm thinking of trying my hand at scones. Nothing has yet struck my fancy for tomorrow night, but I'm sure something will.

And I get to watch the entire Monday Night Football game tonight to cheer on Ray Rice in the hopes that he has a MONSTER fantasy night. But you know what? If that doesn't happen and I lose yet again, at least I'm having a bad year when I don't have to pay anything. I might still come out ahead even if I don't win a damn thing this year. If I don't win, I won't have to do something nice for The Boy I Currently Like. Since he advised me on many draft choices, I told him that if my team wins it all, I'd do something nice for him (I do blame him a little for my shitty season).

The very best part of all this -- I only have two days in the office next week and then it's Thanks-fucking-giving. I cannot fucking wait, y'all.

12 November 2009

Nothing's coming up Milhouse.

This really hasn't been the best week. I am about 85 percent sure that my hormones are coloring everything that's happening, but I don't think I'd feel a whole lot better if this week had taken place last week. I mean, shit's pretty fucking sad if I'm wishing it was Sunday night at noon on Wednesday. I hate Sundays So. Much.

The death of The Nun on Sunday obviously started the crap week in motion. I did a lot of crying that day, which led to my feeling like absolute puffy shit on Monday. I don't know about y'all, but when I start the week exhausted, it only gets worse from there.

Last night, I realized I no longer like yoga. That threw me for a loop, despite the fact that I knew I didn't really like the class. For whatever reason, the actual realization hit me like a ton of bricks. This is what I told The Boy I Currently Like last night: It's not a challenge. In fact, I feel like she's holding me back a lot of times. She doesn't know her left from her right, a shin from a thigh and is always calling poses by wrong names. Her class has no flow. We get into poses awkwardly. I just don't feel good after. In fact, it often leaves me feeling worse than when I went in. I don't look forward to it.

Without yoga to look forward to every week, I got nothing. It's work, gym, TV, sleep, repeat until I die. I can't even take a fucking day off. I need one so badly.

As if work wasn't bad enough, we found out today that we're getting a new benefits plan next year. This fucks up so much for me. You know, I don't have enough actual work to do. Of course I have time to analyze my health care spending over the past few years and try to predict what will happen to me next year to see which of the three plans would work best for me. Oh, and do I want an FSA or HSA? The plan I choose dictates which I can have.

But what about prescription coverage? Where are my prescriptions -- Tier 1, Tier 2 or Tier 3? How do I know what 20 percent is? When I had a "consumer driven plan" my Advair didn't cost the same as it did when I didn't have insurance, so how do I know the price they're going to use? How the fuck are my birth control pills that cost $36 per month when I was unemployed and UNINSURED, $50 a month with this insurance coverage? Suddenly, those lavish executive perks to United Health are making a lot of sense.

This change is absolutely forcing my hand with my IUD/Essure decision. Even if I get decent coverage of Essure under the new plan (not bloody likely), I can't afford the outpatient procedure plus an extra $150 to $300 on birth control pills while I'm waiting for my fallopian tubes to scar over. I don't even know how I can figure out how much the procedure would hypothetically cost when I'm not even under that insurance plan yet. I kinda doubt I'll be asking these questions when we have our all-company meetings next week on the subject. Plus, if I have to use up my flex money from this year by December 31 instead of March 15, what choice do I have?

At least I have only one more unproductive day left at work. Being distracted and exhausted has done me zero good this week. I probably should have worked from home at least one day, but apparently, our the term server sucks so much ass. And after a shitty work week, I get lots of driving, sadness, little sleep (at least I get a bed tomorrow night) and NONSTOP FAMILY. Don't get me wrong -- I love my family and I will be happy to see them all, even under less-than-happy circumstances. Oh, but ... well, I'll be so glad to get back here Sunday afternoon. So glad.

Then it's back to the grind. But hey -- at least I have cookies.

10 November 2009

Somewhat heartening news. And some disheartening news, just for balance.

According to this piece by Eric Black on MinnPost, every single DFL candidate for next year's gubernatorial race is in favor of 100-percent, straight-up full gay marriage.

While the point of Black's piece is that this very well could end up being a de facto referendum for Minnesota on gay marriage and/or could end up being a significant wedge issue the Republican party uses in the 2010 race for governor, I still can't help but feel a little bit hopeful.

This might help me to avoid the crisis of faith I experienced in the 2006 election. Then again, with T-Paw not running for re-election so he can tell Minnesota to fuck off while he starts his run for president in 2012, half the problem has already solved itself. I still hate that dick from the DFL who told me I was throwing my vote away. Asshole.

Now for the disheartening part. I was at The Boy I Currently Like's place Saturday and we were watching "Weekend Update" on SNL when we learned the House had passed the health care reform bill. Oh my God. Awesome, right? I totally thought so at the time. Oh, but it wouldn't take long for me to see the downside.

That downside is the Stupak-Pitts amendment. This amendment would be the single largest blow to abortion rights since Roe v. Wade was decided. My understanding is that not only will the public option not cover abortion and anyone receving a public subsidy couldn't purchase health insurance that covers abortion, but it also prohibits insurance companies from offering a plan that covers abortion if anyone receiving a subsidy was to buy in to the plan. Insurance companies offering two separate plans, one for those without subsidies and one for those with subsidies, isn't very bloody likely.

Currently, something like 80 percent of private insurance plans cover abortion. So, how is this "reform" really making health care better? I mean, I know we're only women. And the poor women who need this kind of reproductive health care really don't matter.

Mother. Fucker. I am so fucking pissed. I don't want to say "Fuck this health care reform bill," but with the Stupak-Pitts amendment attached to it, I have no other choice. Health care reform is supposed to make ALL health care more affordable and accessible to ALL people. That includes women and it includes abortion, which is a LEGAL MEDICAL PROCEDURE. End of fucking story.

The good news is that people are up in arms about this. I've not seen it mentioned in any sort of "mainstream" kinds of places. I've gotten e-mails from NARAL and Pro-Choice Resources. Planned Parenthood is on the ball. Jezebel has written about it. Rachel Maddow is talking about it. I can only hope the Senate doesn't have any similarly ridiculous amendments and Stupak-Pitts gets dropped in conference committee. Because that isn't health care reform, so it's totally fucking pointless.

09 November 2009

If only it could be this version.

My sister and I will be singing at The Nun's vigil and funeral this weekend. I guess they have an actual vigil mass instead of a wake, which is odd. But this is a religious order, so, I suppose it's a bit fancier, what with being closer to God and all.

One of the songs we're singing is "How Great Thou Art," and while I've heard the song and am vaguely familiar with it, I've never had to sing it. So, I hit the interwebs so I could employ The Google. And I found the version below. We won't have an awesome backing choir (at the most, we'll have a bunch of nuns and an organ), nor will we have sweet jumpsuits. But I can pretend, right?

08 November 2009

The last of a generation.

When The Boy I Currently Like sprang out of bed around 11:30 this morning to answer the phone, I was a little disappointed to be getting up so early (when you don't go to bed until 3:30, 11:30 feels kinda early). But it turned out to be ... good, I suppose. My mom had called a few minutes before I checked my phone. I could kind of tell by her message that there would not be good news when I called her back.

My great aunt, The Nun, had a stroke this morning. She's not going to recover. She was sent back to the convent; to the third floor. She often told us that when nuns go to the third floor, they don't come back. That's where they go to die.

She is 96. She has congestive heart failure. But this was unexpected. My dad talked to someone at the convent who said she spent yesterday with friends and had popcorn last night -- she had a good day. All that ... well, it doesn't make me feel better. Maybe a little.

Sister Noreen is the last of my grandpa's siblings left. She is the last person from that generation left on my dad's side of the family. When I was a kid, I was apparently scared of her. She could be a little brusque and set in her ways, but she really was a remarkable woman. I mean, how many 90-plus-year-old-nuns can you have a reasonable discussion about abortion and politics with at Christmas dinner?

Her given name was Lucy. When she was 13, my great-grandparents took her to the convent and basically said, "You're going to be a nun." Someone from each generation in my family went into religious life; they alternated sexes each year. So, one of her uncles was a priest. She didn't have a choice and that has always bothered me. However, because she was a nun, she got an education and worked and was able to travel ... things she might never have done if she'd stayed a lay person.

My poor sister. Today is her birthday. Not exactly the kind of news you want to hear on your Special Day. Unfortunately, I know how that feels. My grandpa died the day before my 13th birthday and we buried my grandma the day before my 23rd birthday. I thought it would be my 33rd birthday that we'd lose another relative, but I guess it was her 33rd.

I'm not really sure what else there is to say or what I might want to say. I know there is more, but I'm fairly drunk right now, and hours of crying have left me pretty wiped out. I just hope she knows how much we love her.

Sister Noreen died a short time after I wrote this.

Big time!

I had a blog post featured in a story in the St. Paul Pioneer Press today. How terribly exciting!

The piece is called "A Day in the Life: Who is Minnesota? Look online at some blogs to find out," and is basically just a collection of posts from Minnesota blogs throughout the day on October 28.

It's shocking that Alleen Brown, who wrote the piece, managed to catch me on a day where I had not a single profanity in my post. Nor did I talk about my lady parts, blow jobs or anything else that would be wildly inappropriate for a major metropolitan newspaper. Don't get me wrong -- my post might still have made it in. The PiPress, after all, is the sexy newspaper in MSP. Or it was when I was in Journalism school.

My name isn't even on it, so it's not like it's a big deal. Actually, I'm fairly glad about that. I hesitate to let my family know that I have a blog. They don't need to read profanity-laced tirades. They don't need to know about my lovelife. There's really so much they don't need to know. But at the same time, I kind of don't care. I mean, I went and posted the link on Facebook (though, I didn't say which post was mine ... if someone wants to visit each blog and figure out the one written by Jess, more power to them). Can't make it too easy, right?

05 November 2009

Leave yoga angry in a few simple steps.

It should be noted that I was in a good mood before class started.

1. Bear Fitness instructor's class runs long. Because I can't ever get enough ear-splitting techno and hollering over said techno.

2. Bear Fitness instructor hangs around, chatting with a student about why she seemed so tired, taking up more of our class time.

3. Bear Fitness instructor finally leaves, promising to turn off the lights in the studio.

4. Bear Fitness instructor didn't turn off the lights. Nor did the front desk. Spend entire yoga class looking at your dry, ugly feet; ugly face; fat ass and other various disgusting body parts in harsh, fluorescent lighting.

5. Martial arts students chatting and practicing on the studio floor, in the mirror, distracting the shit out of you, what with all the fucking lights and all.

6. Have a yoga instructor who doesn't know her left from her right, a thigh from a shin, Warrior One from Warrior Two or Tree Pose from Triangle Pose.

Want to keep feeling bad after you leave?

7. Buy a prepackaged bag of lettuce mix at Trader Joe's because you don't want to make another stop at Rainbow just to buy a head of lettuce, when the other things you need are cheaper at TJ's.

8. Avoid the second grocery stop because you have to drive to the rental property management office to drop off your rent check because you just can't fucking get it together enough to put your check in an envelope, put a stamp on the envelope and get it in the mail in time to avoid a late fee. Feel a tiny bit less bad when someone else pulls up at the same time doing the same thing.

9. Something else about valet dudes running into traffic on Lake Street and playing chicken with other drivers on Bryant.

10. OH! Drive past a house on Bryant Avenue, just north of 31st Street, that has CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS IN THE THEIR FUCKING YARD.


Glitter is illegal.

Glitter is also considered jewelry by the Minnesota State High School League.

My cousin is running in the state cross country meet on Saturday at lovely St. Olaf College in Northfield and I went to the MSHL website to try to figure out what time she was running, since my mom failed to mention that critical bit of information. This is where I stumbled on the Jewelry Rule. How could I not? It was bolded and the link said "Jewelry Rule Emphasis."

I find it a bit odd that insulin pumps and heart monitors fall under "jewelry." As do glasses (extending this rule to my own life, I actually do have a very nice, fairly expensive piece of jewelry -- my Prada glasses). Thankfully, those are all legal jewelry items.

Also considered jewelry -- tattoos. They're legal unless they are objectionable. Then they are objectionable and illegal. Face paint, though? Illegal.

I understand the general intent of the rule. You don't want someone getting an earring ripped out. And you can't have kids wearing outlandish wristbands or scarves while they're running. I guess it kind of makes sense to throw everything under one rule, but calling it a jewelry rule when you're covering everything from insulin pumps and casts to glitter and nose rings ... well, it's not exactly descriptive.

However, it made me giggle, so kudos to you, MSHL. I'll be sure to wear as much glitter as possible on Saturday to make up for the lack of it amongst the runners. Because, you know, I'm certain if I was running in a cross country meet, I would be devastated to find out I couldn't adorn myself with glitter.

04 November 2009

Not exactly a great start.

Last week, preseason college basketball polls came out, and the Gophers were ranked 25 in the AP poll and 18 in the coaches poll. Awesome! I was excited about the start of college hoops anyway, but the prospect of having a Good Team this year, well, I was getting close to Cloud Nine.

Golden Gopher Basketball news this week, though ... not so good. Royce White, Minnesota's Mr. Basketball and the team's top freshman recruit this year, was arrested at the Mall of America and is suspended indefinitely. Well, that's just excellent. Devron Bostick was also suspended indefinitely, but there's no word on just what he did. But wait! There's more. JuCo transfer Trevor Mbakwe is also off the team until his felony assault case in Florida is resolved. He could miss the entire season, as it seems his December trial is almost certainly going to be pushed back.

And then there's the recent football team trouble with the law.

Honestly. (I'm shaking my head sadly, here, by the way.) I know you're young and stupid. We've all been young and stupid. However, when I was 18 and making poor choices, I was an anonymous college student. You are Big Time, D-1 athletes. Your fuck-ups will be noticed. One hopes you can learn from your mistakes, but I tend to not have a lot of faith in people. So, you know, prove me wrong and shit. Oh, and Ski-U-Mah!

03 November 2009

The Worldwide Leader isn't completely useless.

Tuesday, since it's nothing but Monday in a Hat, seems to be a TV wasteland. Summer Tuesdays, I was forced to watch E:60 and the World Series of Poker at the gym. Gah. I don't even know what E:60 is, quite frankly. It's human interest sports stories?

Recently, however, ESPN has been running the 30 for 30 documentaries at 7:00, so I'm gone by the time poker starts. Yay! Incidentally, The Boy I Currently like has been raving about the 30 for 30 films. I've seen half of a few of them while at the gym and thought they were good -- from far away and without really being able to read the closed captioning. Maybe one of these days I'll remember to set my DVR. I would have liked to have really watched the one on Len Bias tonight.

Back to tonight, though. So, I'm watching E:60 while I'm on the treadmill and they had a brief feature on mutton bustin'. Mutton bustin' is like the rodeo. Except it's kids under six years old and they're riding sheep.

And yes, it is as awesomely hilarious as it sounds.

02 November 2009

Why am I not surprised?

That the smelly hippie lady who teaches belly dancing and subs for yoga at the gym would not flush the toilet after she uses it? Your water conservation is probably canceled out by the enormous amount of toilet paper you used, lady.


That A-Rod would have not one, but two, portraits of himself in his bedroom. Oh, did I mention that it's him as a centaur? Yeah, gross.

The ups and downs of Sunday afternoon drinking.

Don't get me wrong, I had a delightful time with everyone at KayGee and The Prison Librarian's place yesterday, even if we were watching the Vikings-Packers game (thanks for not having any dam game breaks, Fox. Contrary to popular belief here were other games on, you douchebags).

However, today I'm really feeling the effects of having Sunday afternoon plans. I'm not hung over or anything. I just realized that I failed to do most of my usual Sunday-getting-ready-for-the-work-week stuff. I was only home for a couple of hours Saturday after my nephew's football game before I went to The Boy I Currently Like's place. And it was tough tearing myself away from there yesterday, so by the time I got home, I had like, an hour to shower and get ready.

So, here it was, Monday morning and I realized I have nothing for breakfast. Not even any bread, which also puts a crimp in my pre-gym snack. Speaking of the gym, I left my water bottle at home. Either I stop at Target and buy another one, or just buy a bottle of water at the gym. The first seems a bit much, but then I always have a bottle in my gym bag. The latter seems wasteful.

I managed to scramble up a couple of eggs and throw them in a tortilla and still make it to work at a reasonable time, so there's that. I forgot a bunch of other shit at home that isn't that important. I'll just have weird hair and when my makeup wears off, there will be no touch-ups. The good news is, I managed to remember everything I need for the gym (save for the water bottle). So, yay for that.

You know, it felt like there was something I should have been doing last night instead of laying on the couch reading Y: The Last Man and watching the Wolves game. Oh well. I got my laundry done and I'll get through today.