Some people just do not give up. It's been almost two years since I last saw Booty Call Matt. I'd say it's been well more than a year since I last spoke to him. He'd show up every now and again, calling in the wee hours of the morning, as if that's totally a normal thing to do to someone you've not seen or spoken to in months or even more than a year.
I had my reasons for not telling him early on about The Boy I Currently Like. Mainly, I didn't think I owed him anything. Had he called me one fucking time at a decent hour, I would have told him it was over. But I just do not have the wherewithal to have that conversation at 3:00 a.m. on a Tuesday. Or at that time any day of the week, really.
So, when my phone rang a little bit ago, I wasn't completely shocked to see that it was Booty Call Matt. After all this time, I'm still a little shocked every time he calls, but not completely shocked.
Finally, he calls before bar close, before midnight even. I ignored the first call, as my hands were all chicken-y (I was pulling apart the chicken I spent all afternoon roasting), but since he called back immediately, I figured this was it.
It was a short conversation. He was cagey about asking to come over or something of that nature. What are you doing? What do you have planned after that? Do you want to have a beer before you go to bed? When I said no, I would not like to have a beer before bed (with you), I have a boyfriend (yes, I said it. Let's not make a big deal here. It was simply so I did not have to describe our relationship without standard terms, which might leave Booty Call Matt to think he had a shot). He came back with "Is he there?" WHAT THE FUCK DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE?
Oh, but it gets better. Shortly after he hung up with "I'll talk to you later" (Yeah. Right), he sent me a text that read: "You sure you don't want a late scoring TD?" First of all, are you fucking kidding me? Could you possibly be any more lame? Second, what part of "I have a boyfriend" do you not understand? I'm not sleeping with anyone but him. Since the last time you left my apartment, I have not slept with anyone but him. I have no desire to sleep with anyone but him. He rocks my world roughly a million times more than you ever did and I am absolutely crazy about him. Please just go the fuck away already.
I want to believe this will be the end of it, but I've thought that many, many times over the last couple of years and I've been quite wrong. Still, I can hope. And I can not answer the phone. God help him if he ever shows up at my door again. I will call the fucking cops in a goddamn heartbeat.
Update! There was another text: "not even an awesome massage?" Insert eyeroll here. I was tempted to text back "UNSUBSCRIBE," but in the interests of just making him go the fuck away, already, I opted to ignore it.