You may or may not have noticed, but I've been in a bit of a funk lately. What? I know. It's crazy.
My problem at the moment is that it's getting harder and harder to keep it under wraps, or under control or what have you. It would have been bad enough that I had several hundred dollars worth of car repairs to deal with last month. But there was the change to the payroll, which meant an extra week without a paycheck. It also meant that I was kind of losing that third week of pay. Oh, I'll get it -- when I leave the company.
Somewhere in there, I was accused of plagiarism, which was SO awesome. Oh, but then it was time to get paid. Except, when the new pay day finally came around, I didn't get a pay check. Then two weeks later, there was another problem with the pay check. Finally, my check will have cleared and I will have money tomorrow. For a day or so.
This shit is absolutely fucking exhausting. It is just wearing on me and dragging me down. It's one thing after another and I just can't even dig myself out of the hole I'm in, much less get caught up or ahead.
I've realized that it's all I've been writing about in my blog. You don't come here to read about how much my life sucks. At the same time, the reason I started this blog was to have an outlet. That's all fine and good when no one is reading, but now I have to take y'all into consideration.
Then there are the people in my real life. If I'm getting sick to fucking death of talking about my financial and work situations (they're pretty much inseparable), I can't imagine how my friends are feeling.
But the question is, how do I deal with it? I can only talk about it so much. Putting on the happy face is such a chore. It's also a big, fat lie. Avoiding contact is a good way to not lie and to not subject the people in your life to your constant Downy-Clowniness. However, that can lead to people worrying about you.
So what do I do? Not one of those options seems to be ideal. Is there something I'm missing? Should I just stop caring? Tell everyone to fuck off? I kinda want to just hide under my bed for the next six months or so, because at this point, drinking really isn't even working anymore. I'm a little scared.