One night at the gym this week, I saw a commercial for the upcoming MLB Home Run Derby. I didn't see the entire thing and didn't watch it very closely. It seemed like they were showing highlights from last year, when the Twins' Justin Morneau won. However, it didn't look like Justin Morneau was actually in the commercial.
This morning, I saw the commercial again. They showed the 2006 winner, Ryan Howard. They showed the 2007 winner, Vlad Guerrero. There were a few others shown, but the only one I remember was David Ortiz. And for last year? Why, they'd show Justin Morneau, because he won it, right? RIGHT?
Oh, how fucking wrong you'd be if you thought ESPN would stoop to show last year's winner. They cleverly avoided talking about the "winner" for any of the years. Instead, the copy was "Who will own the night?" This allowed them to show Josh Hamilton.
Josh Hamilton? Hey, did you guys know he used to be a junkie? And that he regrets almost all of his tattoos because he got them when he was high? Because he used to be a junkie, you know. (This has been a running joke between me and my sister for a year. We launch into it whenever we hear his name or even see some douche wearing his jersey at a Twins game ... against Boston.)
You can go straight to fucking hell, ESPN. I can't say I'm surprised or anything. It seemed as the announcers could barely contain their disgust when Morneau didn't just lie down and let Hamilton win. Yes, I know Hamilton was on fucking fire and pretty damn amazing in the early rounds. But it is not Justin's fault that Hamilton shot his wad before the finals and had nothing left when it mattered. How dare Justin even go out there for the final round. The audacity.
And if memory serves, the guy from MLB who presented Justin with his trophy fucked up Justin's name on top of it all. He's not some damn nobody, you cocksucker. HE WAS THE MVP, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. The hits just keep on coming. All y'all at ESPN can suck my right on. Assholes.