Via Jezebel, I came across a story that tells me just how big of a loser I really am.
The Centers for Disease Control conducted a survey that shows 17 percent of women had not married for the first time by the time they were 35. For men, it was a fourth. First of all, how sad is it that "for the first time" is a part of the discussion? Second, man, am I in one select group!
Reading stories such as this often make me ask, "What the hell is wrong with me?" And I ask that not simply because I'm one of just 17 percent of the women in this country my age who has not managed to land a husband (or who live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal. Though, I doubt that was even considered).
I also wonder what's wrong with me because I was never that little girl who dreamed of her wedding day. You hear so often about people having their dream wedding or their dream wedding dress; about women who've envisioned the entire thing before they're even engaged. Me? I've never been able to see myself in a wedding dress. The idea of a wedding strikes fear and panic in my heart. All that work, planning and expense? DO NOT WANT. I've never been able to see myself being married.
So, am I defective because I'm not married? Or am I defective because being married really isn't that important to me? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't want to get married some day. I just don't see it ever happening to me.
Besides, the whole thing is terrifying. Well, I'm terrified of the idea of divorce. If I'm not married, I don't have to go through a divorce. It's kind of the same situation I'm in with The Boy I Currently Like. On the one hand, I wouldn't mind if we finally decided to start using the boyfriend/girlfriend labels. If for no other reason than I'm totally fucking lazy and it's easier to call him that than "my friend" or "the guy I'm dating," or something equally wordy and awkward. And there's a sense of security that comes with the label. But at the same time, those labels mean something and there are connotations and expectations and then if everything goes wrong it's a big-deal break-up instead of "we stopped seeing each other."
The worst part, though, is that society has led me to feel like a defective. I've got a job I don't hate where my work is praised and appreciated. My family isn't too bad. I've got the best friends a girl could ask for -- many of whom are my age and not married, I might add. Of course, some of them aren't legally allowed to marry in Minnesota, but that's neither here nor there. I don't think any of them see themselves as defective. I certainly don't see them that way. So why should I feel like a freak?
At the end of the day, though, I know things could be much worse. I could have fallen for this bullshit. Maybe I'd just wasted more time with him. Maybe I'd have gotten married. But if I had, I'd most certainly be divorced. Bullet dodged.