22 June 2009

Excellent advice.

Or not. I mean, if I followed Cosmo's advice, I'd have tricked some poor sucker into marrying me by now -- and I would have him trained like a zoo animal. (I found this nugget o' joy via Jezebel, of course.)

Sweet buttery Christ. Okay, before I completely shit on the list, I think positive reinforcement is a good thing when you're dealing with anyone or anything. That's where my benevolence ends, however. I'd hope no grown-ass, adult woman would possibly think these are good ideas. Cosmo readers are all teenagers, right? I know I was awful young when I stopped reading it. But you know they are out there. I feel deeply for their husbands/boyfriends/pets.

I love sharing these things with The Boy I Currently Like. Keeps him on his toes. Some months ago, I informed him I was totally judging his cuddling techniques. Color me delighted to discover I could analyze the way he sleeps, too. Because, you know, when people are sleeping, they are totally doing things intentionally. Where's the piece about his habit of scratching my head in his sleep, or his "wrap you up like a monkey" sleeping style? I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THOSE MEAN, COSMO.

Honestly. Perhaps it's meant to be hilarious -- Cosmo is running a big joke on all of us. What else would you call suggesting using a scrunchie as a makeshift cock ring?

3 comments:

Cult Diva said...

I picked up a Cosmo while doing magazine research one day. I don't think I've read one in several decades. However, my teenage son finds it hilarious and was reading parts of an article aloud the other night while just howling at the stupidity of it.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I'm with Cult Diva. I haven't picked one up in decades because the articles were insane and I always felt inadequate for not wanting to 'trick' a man into dating/marrying etc..

Jess said...

It's a good read if you're looking to be offended. Or if you want some bizarre/hilarious sex tips.

I spent an inordinate amount of time reading through the ridiculous sex tips to find the link to the scrunchie cock ring. How anyone could attempt half of them without busting out laughing is beyond me.