02 April 2009

Old people get away with stuff.

I somehow managed to get to the gym tonight and have a fairly good workout, despite the fact that I desperately wanted to pull over and take a nap while driving there.

After dragging my ass to the gym, I decided to stop at Trader Joe's. I needed almonds, among other things, since my fucking pistachios might have a touch of salmonella. There I am, waiting in line, giving the person in front of me a bit of space, since I'm occasionally not an asshole (I'm a big believer in personal space, so do unto others and shit, right?). And while I'm standing there, this goddamn old fart sidles up in front of me with his cart and proceeds to put his stuff on counter.

What the fuck, Grandpa? You're sucking up all of my Social Security. The least you could do is wait your damn turn.

I was mildly shocked and fairly pissed, but I didn't say a word. I didn't even make a sarcastic remark to the guy who eventually rang me up. He's fairly old, too, you see. They're probably in cahoots. Not cursing him out counts as my good deed for the day, by the way.

Actually, I can't even be mad at the geezer. He's doing exactly what I plan to do. I'm going to be a huge asshole when I get old. Seriously. I'm going to cut in line, steal shit and tell young people off all the time.

It's gonna be sweet.


Emily said...

My great grandma used to regularly fart loudly in public and announce that no one could do anything because she was old.

Stephanie said...

I can't wait to be an old lady. I already have the "hating teenagers" part down pat. Just got stuck on a delayed plane with the Mounds View High School choir. Purest form of torture.

Jon said...

Age and treachery will always win against youth and enthusiasm.

This will become your mantra as you age. I accept it as a great universal truth.;)

My mother, who is in her eighties, will announce to anyone blocking a grocery store aisle: "I'm coming through. Get out of my way!"

Jess said...

I'm adding "farting loudly in public" and "yelling at people to clear the way" to my list.

Sweet merciful crap, Stephanie. Teenagers as a whole are bad enough, but sometimes the nerdy groups of them are so much worse.

Anonymous said...

Should have tripped him lol