Instead of writing a couple of separate blog posts, I thought I would lump everything together. Because I'm lazy or something.
First: Foul poll for baseball: Fans say costs too high, money's too tight as season looms. Big shock there, right? My favorites are the player quotes.
"I'm not surprised with the economy being so bad and the way things are, the price of a ticket is probably going to be high. Hopefully they'll still come out and support us," said new Yankee pitcher, CC Sabathia.
Yeah, too bad you don't have a job or health care and maybe you're relying on the food shelf to make sure your kids have enough to eat. But you'll still come out to see me pitch, right? Or would you like to see me roll around in some of the money I'll get from my $161 million contract?
"In light of the economic status of our country, there are many blue-collar Americans that probably won't be able to afford taking their son out to a ballgame, and that's understandable," said Mariners DH Mike Sweeney.
Look, I love me some baseball. I can't wait until the Twins opener on Monday. I will almost certainly go to a few games this season. And I will spend a shitload of money on beer and hot dogs (man, I could totally go for a Dome Dog right now ... I suppose I will just have to wait until the Fry-a-Thon). But that "Sucks to be you," attitude I get from those quotes just chaps my ass.
Second thing in the news is this delightful nugget: Minnesota's STD rate increases for 13th year. Minnesota rules! Sadly, the most disturbing thing from the story when I read it earlier is gone from this updated version. But that disturbing bit of information indicated that 42 percent of women who should be getting screened for chlamydia aren't, and their doctors aren't telling them they should be tested.
Wait. What? If you're a sexually active woman, you should be getting an STD test at your annual lady parts check-up. Dudes should be getting tested, too. AND WHY ISN'T YOUR DOCTOR TELLING YOU AS MUCH? I was tested right before I met The Boy I Currently Like and I was tested again after being nailed by him and only him for a year at my last exam. By the time the next one rolls around, if we're still together, it will have been two years and I'll still get tested. Why wouldn't you?
Okay, so I have trust issues. There's that whole Cheating Asshole Ex history. I trust him as much as I possibly can, but what does it hurt to get tested? I just don't get it. Christ.
Moving on to other shitty things ... I finally watched Jimmy Fallon's show. Gomez were on last night, so I recorded it. Sweet Jebus, he sucks. But his house band, The Roots? They fucking rule. It makes me sad that they are not touring to play for this shithead's show. Then again, maybe they're getting a lot more exposure. I need to run to the Fetus tomorrow to get the new Gomez album. Someone on The Current led me to believe it wasn't coming out for a bit, but it came out yesterday! Damn you, Mark Wheat! I looked around the Interwebs to steal it, but to no avail. I only wanted it until I can get to the Fetus tomorrow, you bastards.
The line-ups for Rock the Garden and the Basilica Block Party are out. The Decemberists, Calexico, Yeasayer and Solid Gold at Rock the Garden and The Black Crowes, Mat Kearney, The Jayhawks, Counting Crows, Matt Nathanson and The Hold Steady at Basilica? Not fucking bad. Well, there is much suckitude at Basilica ... but I'm down with The Black Crowes, Jayhawks and The Hold Steady. It's nice that if I even make it to Rock the Garden (my cousin's commitment ceremony in Portland is the day before), it'll cost me more as a member of MPR to go this year than it cost me as a non-member last year. Yay!
Finally, some letters to douches. Dear Guy Wearing Flip-Flops: I know it's now April. We all want it to be nice out. But flip-flops are really not appropriate footwear when it's snowing and four degrees above freezing. Also, you may want to put on a coat if you're going to be walking around Uptown. Enjoy your frostbite. Dear CorePower Yoga Dude: The Rainbow parking lot is for Rainbow patrons, not for your towel-wearing, yoga-going ass. Jesus Christ. It is after work on double coupon day. Parking is at a premium here and you're taking up valuable real estate. Namaste, my ass, jerkwad. Dear Douche Driving on Excelsior: Maybe you could take a break from weaving around, sitting at green lights, driving 10 miles an hour and driving in two lanes at the same time to PUT DOWN YOUR GODDAMN PHONE, YOU FUCKING CUNT.