31 March 2009

Time to call in the haz mat team.

I don't understand why or how it happens, but people leave shit in the lockers at the gym fairly often. Nearly six months ago, I wrote about someone leaving a nice, black bra in a locker at the gym. I still do not understand how you could realize you've left your sweet bra somewhere and not go back to get it.

At least that long ago, and I think longer (I really can't remember a time when they weren't there), there was a locker holding a pair of khaki shorts and a purple thong. Almost every. damn. time. I went to put my shit in a locker, I would open that one and see those leftover clothes and feel my urge to kill rising ... rising ... rising!

Fast forward to today, and once I get done working out, the shorts and thong have migrated out of the locker. Quite frankly, I'm surprised it took six months for those nasty, dirty drawers to crawl out to freedom.

Because you know those aren't clean. You probably changed out of your shorts and thong into proper gym shorts and undies that won't give you an accidental episiotomy while you're working out. Then maybe you wear your gym clothes home, because you're not going to bother showering at the gym, as it is fucking nasty.

But how do you not realize that you've forgotten your stuff and look for it the next time you're at the gym? I don't get it. Also, I don't get how the staff will come in and cut a lock off a lock that's been on a locker overnight, but they won't take shit out of lockers that has been there for months. Then again, I wouldn't want to touch anyone's dirty drawers that were left behind.

I probably should have showered in bleach, with a Brillo pad, huh?


Bitterly Books said...

I think they're afraid of what happens to that shit when they're not around. You don't want to shower at that gym--would you want to strap it to your private areas and wear it around all day?

Sure, you could wash your bra, your thong, whatever, but would it ever really be clean again? Wouldn't some of the elemental basis of funk that infests that place have worked its way into the material, never to be removed?

Would you want a bra back if you found out that the sweaty maintenance guy with the back hair who always reeks of onions had been wearing it while he mopped the floors because he liked the way it felt against his skin?

Some things just can't be washed out, not with soap, not with bleach, not even with holy water. They could have the basic decency to throw their shit into the trash, but I can understand why they'd never want to wear it again.

Idris_Arslanian said...

I'm sure, you've already seen this, but if not, you should check this out: http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/squeez-bacon.html

Jess said...

You make a most excellent point, Bitterly Books. As much as I bitch about the grossness of the gym, I'm feeling pretty sheepish that fact didn't occur to me.

That squeeze bacon must be an April Fool's joke, yes? Then again, you can get anchovies made into a paste in a tube ...

Bitterly Books said...

I think it's still fair to complain about how no one takes responsibility for their stuff. They may not want it anymore, but that doesn't mean that everyone else wants to see it lying around.

Jess said...

Yeah, at the end of the day, people are assholes for one reason or another.