25 February 2009

Worst proposal ever?

Last week, I was reading a post on Jezebel about a story in the Daily Mail on a woman who had been proposed to nine times. I knew a girl like that once. I worked with her at Dayton's/Marshall Field's. I could never understand it. She wasn't cute. Not terribly smart or funny or really anything. But dudes apparently loved her. I can't even remember how many times she'd been proposed to, but she was on her fourthish engagement at the ripe old age of 25.

I suppose there are some who would feel like a loser after reading such a story if they'd never been proposed to. Not me. Why would you want proposals from dudes you wouldn't want to marry? Is it some sort of feather in your cap? Is there some sort of exhilaration you get from being asked, even if you're going to say no? Shit. I may never know. I can't say I'd ever be surprised if I'm never proposed to.

Oh, but then I was reminded of something. The friend of The Boy I Currently Like who played basketball in college with The Cheating Asshole Ex (I've got to come up with a better name for him) was regaling me with stories about The Cheating Asshole Ex on Saturday night. Of course, that got me to thinking back over the last few days and I remembered that holy shit -- I had been proposed to.

Okay, it was more like an epic fail of an attempt to win me back after I dumped his ass. But there were matrimonial overtones. I cannot remember how long it occurred after I'd broken up with him for the second time. Probably past the sending roses phase. And it must have been long enough after for him to have been harrassing me with phone calls so much that I blocked his number (also his work number and eventually several of his friends' numbers), because he left a message on my WORK VOICEMAIL and played this song:

(I don't think it's the video ... just the song with a black screen. Embedding on the video was disabled, but if for some strange reason you want to watch it, here you go.)

Yes, boys and girls, that is Jagged Edge's "Let's Get Married." The song with the lyrics that go:

Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We ain't gettin' no younger girl, so we might as well do it

I'm sure you're all shocked to the very tips of your toes that I didn't swoon. I laughed. I laughed until I cried. Then I told all of my friends about it. And I laugh some more. I'm laughing about it right now. Is there a more appropriate response? Other than screaming "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?," of course.

So yeah, after a little reminiscing, I can absolutely say I would rather never receive a marriage proposal if it's going to be something like that. Or like any of these. Those "marriage magnets" can keep that shit.


Little Ms Blogger said...

Wow. I can't imagine why you'd want to turn down such an AWESOME proposal????

Did he get thi idea from MTV Cribs?

.::~P~::. said...

Oh with a proposal like that, I would say yes over and over again.

Are you fucking kidding me.... wtf is wrong with people!

Jess said...

Don't be jealous, ladies.

Bitterly Books said...

You need a new nickname for The Cheating Asshole Ex?

What about The Mistake?

Jess said...

No, I'm going to stick with The Cheating Asshole Ex.

The person who needs a name is a friend of The Boy I Currently Like. He played basketball in college with The Cheating Asshole Ex. He has an Interwebs name I could use, but I won't do that unless he decides to out himself.

Damn. It looks confusing to me, and I know what I'm talking about. (Though, "The Mistake" is good.)

Emily said...

1. Jesus Christ!

2. There must be some sort of effed up payoff to turning down proposals because I doubt NINE people would propose to someone without some sort of indication that the woman wanted to be proposed to.

Jess said...

I think the woman said something about being everything those men wanted in a woman, but not being herself or something.

Sounds like entirely too much work, if you ask me.

Jerious Norwood said...

How about Torso-man?

Jerious Norwood said...

And his hulking, vaguely off-putting buddy could be 'Hog Man'

Jess said...

I shall consider both very carefully.

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