04 February 2009

Listening to you vomit was the highlight of my day.

I guess I should be glad you apparently got it in the toilet. I've heard tales of puke on the floors. Between the stalls, even!

And it was very kind of you to choose the stall right next to mine, when you could have put a stall between us, or even two stalls between us.

Thanks for making my day. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

8 comments:

Shila Shila and Cult Jam said...

Ew!!!! What's wrong with the ladies there?!

Jess said...

I ask myself the same question every day. I wish I knew the answer.

Garwood B. Jones said...

Were you in the closest stall to the door? A few feet can seem like an incredible distance if you're choking back upchuck.

(I'm sure your emotions are justified but I just like to be contrary.)

jana said...

um, your work bathroom is a nightmare. if you blogged only about work-bathroom-grossness i bet you could still blog like, every other day.

ick.

Kassandra said...

...ew

Jess said...

Garwood, I was in the stall closest to the door. However, we have one of those loungey bathrooms (and those nasty women often treat it as such), so the closest stall to the door is actually behind a corner.

Were I to have an emergency of the upchucking variety, I would make a beeline for the stalls that didn't require me to make a couple of turns. But maybe that's just me? Besides, her blowing of chunks didn't sound urgent or anything like that. (Also, I had no idea you read my blog. Sweet!)

If I separated each incident, I could probably blog daily about the work bathroom, Jana. And if I ran low on material (she says as she sighs wistfully), I could write about how their cigarette butts litter the ground and ledges right outside the building entrances, despite the fact that the City of Bloomington prohibits smoking within 25 feet of building entrances.

These people are some classy motherfuckers.

Garwood B. Jones said...

Of course I read your blog. I enjoy MN sports, retro appetizers, and hating on stupid/gross people. Where else do you get that winning combination? And now that we're both Malibu drivers...

When you write your women's bathroom book, maybe I can write the foreward? My men's bathroom stories don't warrant even a whole chapter but I'd like to include my top five ettiquette rules at the urinal. #1. It is absolutely unacceptable to make loud relief noises that sound like you're having an orgasm while taking a piss. "OOOOOOWWWWWHHHHHH... yeah (inhales deeply, whistles through teeth)." UNACCPETABLE!

Jess said...

Yay, Malibu drivers!

You absolutely can write the forward to my book, but it makes me very, very sad that there should be more than a pop-up book for elementary school children.

Peegasms, as we call them in the business (I have no idea what that means), are totally unacceptable in public. I can only imagine how much worse they are when perpetrated by dudes. Unless, of course, you're Homer Simpson.