13 February 2009

The Key Cadillac Girl: Back by ... popular demand?

Well, it's demand, anyway. Rockin' Reader Mark dropped me this note earlier this week:

Ok, its time to bring back another column of the key Cadillac girl as we now have the most bizarre and uncomfortable ad yet for Valentines Day. It amazes me with the sales of American cars, that this small outfit can continue to advertise at all, but I guess with the quality of these ads, they get a lot for their buck. However, maybe the latest bailout is helping.

Your wish is my command, y'all. As it turns out, I've seen this TV spot several times over the last couple of weeks and I'd been planning on writing something. But with VD coming tomorrow, I'm sure the ad is going to stop running soon. Or at least I pray that's the case. So time is of the essence here.

Mark is absolutely right -- the ad is totally awkward and uncomfortable. Then again, that's been the running undercurrent in all of these Key Cadillac ads. There was the weird dancing on the billboard in Downtown Minneapolis a year or so ago. Then there was a basketball-themed ad during March Madness and a baseball-themed spot that featured the Key Cadillac Girl in the strangest-looking batting stance I've ever had the displeasure of seeing.

The Valentine's ad theme seems to be exhorting would-be car buyers to head on down to Key Cadillac to buy their loved one a fancy new car. Oh, but what about the lovelorn losers amongst us? For whom will they buy an expensive new car? Why, you should buy one for yourself, silly! Because, as the Key Cadillac girl tells us, you have to love yourself before anyone else will love you. Or, in the immortal words of Foxy Brown in "Big Bad Mama" (which features the incomparable Dru Hill), "Love yourself, put no one above thee; 'cause ain't nobody gonna fuck me, like me."

However, if you go out and buy yourself a new car from Key Cadillac, not completely un-hot, awkward young women who speak in a wooden, stilted fashion with a weird accent and stand in the most awkward of poses will be all over your shit. Say goodbye to your lonely nights of masturbation and crying yourself to sleep. Besides, no one wants to be alone during a recession. Especially a on Valentine's Day. And if you have a a flashy new Escalade or something, your chances of pulling in some desperate young tail are going to be much, much better.

At least, that's the message I'm getting from the spots.

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