My boss pulled me into his office this afternoon, ostensibly to talk about this big new initiative on which our department is working. However, what he really wanted to tell me was that if I'd heard any rumblings about potential layoffs, I shouldn't panic and run out to look for a new job.
Um, rumblings about layoffs? I'd not heard anything at all, but there was something in the air. However, there's been something in the air for a while now. It's kind of inescapable, isn't it? Isn't it in the air everywhere?
So I should feel good, right? When these layoffs are announced (I thought it was supposed to be this afternoon), I know I won't be amongst those getting the axe. I'm to keep this information under my hat. He went to his boss to get permission to even tell me. He made sure to tell me that they love the work I've been doing -- my willingness to pick things up and work on tough projects. All a preview to my review, which I will be getting (no raises, though, but I haven't had a raise in years ... at least there's a shitty economy on which to blame it this time around and not just a shitty boss) next week or so.
Even if what he told me is true -- that my job is safe -- I can't relax. Even if our department has the most promising prospects for this year, I can't relax. When the layoffs do come, there'll be more work for those of us who are left. I'll have to deal with people being let go who have way more time there than I do. Granted, it makes financial sense to keep the new people. I get paid less, get less vacation time and all that. I mean, I'm cheaper (in so many ways outside of work, too!) all around. But now I'll have to feel horrible about those who are let go. I know it's coming and I can't say a damn thing about it.
You'd think that I'd be thrilled. I know my boss really likes me and what I bring to the table. He apparently even thinks enough of me to make sure I don't put myself back out on the job market, lest someone snatch me up. This is hilarious to me, of course. But I'm still totally anxious. Fuck.