26 February 2009

Dear Science: Fuck off. Seriously.

This is a letter to the discipline of science, not TV on the Radio's latest album, Dear Science. Though, that can fuck off, too.

It wasn't that long ago I was proclaiming my love for science. Red wine is good for my heart! It has anti-aging properties! Hooray! But now science is telling me again that even one alcoholic drink a day (or less!) will give me cancer because I'm a woman. (Please note: the story is just saying it increases your risk of cancer. I'm just being melodramatic and sarcastic.)

Shows what you know, science. I've already had cancer. Ha-ha.

Of course, this is just another in a series of contradictory studies that say "this thing is good for you. Oh wait. No it's not." Coffee is good for you. Or is it bad? No, it's good for you. Except when it's bad. Eggs are bad for you. Or are they good? Farm-raised fish are bad for you in this way, but wild fish are bad for you in that way. Blah, blah, blah.

One has to wonder if people live and die by these studies. No doubt there are some who do. However, they must be going nuts trying to keep up. I can only hope my healthy habits outweigh my unhealthy habits. And if not, my retirement plan is to die before I need a retirement plan, so I'm sure it'll all work out in the end.

I'll take your study under advisement, science, but if you'll excuse me, I need to open a bottle of wine so it can breathe before the Gopher game starts.


Emily said...

I'm a big fan of everything in moderation, trying not to eat too much processed crap, and telling everyone to fuck off.

So good for you.

Jess said...

I think telling everyone to fuck off is key.

Jon said...

Emotional health is one of the keys of good physical health. Telling someone to fuck off is one of the necessary parts of a daily health regime, especially when they're a money grubbing researcher with an agenda.

I sometimes think these researchers were beaten for eating an extra slice of bacon at breakfast. Then again, some reporters have no idea what they're reporting and pull tidbits of information to make a good story. They can go fuck off, too.

my name is Amanda said...

What makes me so upset about these stories is the way they go "increased chances of cancer FOR WOMEN!" "WOMEN CAN'T DRINK OR THEY WILL GET CANCER." Oh my good lordy this pisses me off. I think the media playing up the story is just another example of the inherent sexism of the greater populace. Or maybe I'm just into conspiracy theories. Alls I know, is that already if I ever get pregnant I'm expected to give up sushi and caffeine. (What the hell am I going to eat/drink if I have to give up sushi and caffeine?!) I don't smoke, I workout, I don't eat fast food. So I'm going to continue to have my goddammed glass of wine and/or bottle beer for as many consecutive nights of the week as I want!

Barefoot Blogger said...

They are the same people that try to tell us that bacon is bad. BAD?!?!

I agree with you; as long as your healthy habits are either equal to or outweigh bad habits, you're just fine.

There's a whackjob out there espousing every different "diet" fad. I agree with Jess. Fuck 'em

Jess said...

Dammit. I want bacon now.

Jess said...

And sushi.

Shila Shila and Cult Jam said...

If it makes you feel any better... practically all these studies are paid for by government grants (er, our taxmoney).

So... NOW it all makes sense why the results are useless.

Jon said...

Here's bacon as never seen before.


Jodi Bluebird said...

yessssss. I agree. Science is contradictory. So I say "eh. what the hell? I'll have my wine (and my coffee!) if I want to! Fuck!" :)

Muffy Willowbrook said...

Wait...what? You've had cancer? I'm assuming you're all better now?


Jess said...

Yeah, you didn't know that?

I had a tumor in my thyroid. I had the whole thing removed almost 15 years ago. So, I'm forever taking thyroid hormones.

However, I was (finally) declared cured a couple of years ago, so I don't need to be monitored as closely anymore.

Doniree said...

Yes, everything either causes cancer or contains mercury.

Seriously, I'd go nuts if I put too much thought into these studies. I agree with Emily - find the balance.