This is a letter to the discipline of science, not TV on the Radio's latest album, Dear Science. Though, that can fuck off, too.
It wasn't that long ago I was proclaiming my love for science. Red wine is good for my heart! It has anti-aging properties! Hooray! But now science is telling me again that even one alcoholic drink a day (or less!) will give me cancer because I'm a woman. (Please note: the story is just saying it increases your risk of cancer. I'm just being melodramatic and sarcastic.)
Shows what you know, science. I've already had cancer. Ha-ha.
Of course, this is just another in a series of contradictory studies that say "this thing is good for you. Oh wait. No it's not." Coffee is good for you. Or is it bad? No, it's good for you. Except when it's bad. Eggs are bad for you. Or are they good? Farm-raised fish are bad for you in this way, but wild fish are bad for you in that way. Blah, blah, blah.
One has to wonder if people live and die by these studies. No doubt there are some who do. However, they must be going nuts trying to keep up. I can only hope my healthy habits outweigh my unhealthy habits. And if not, my retirement plan is to die before I need a retirement plan, so I'm sure it'll all work out in the end.
I'll take your study under advisement, science, but if you'll excuse me, I need to open a bottle of wine so it can breathe before the Gopher game starts.