18 February 2009

The birthday with which I apparently cannot be bothered.

So today is my birthday. Normally, I would be stoked as hell. I just don't really care this year. You'd think after last year, when I was unemployed, this year would be super awesome funtime birthday. But ... I'm just not feeling it.

Maybe it's because I'm turning the dreaded 35. I've never had trouble with any other particular year -- I was totally stoked to turn 30, for Pete's sake. And I think 36 sounds just fine. The World's Worst Wing Woman said she was incensed on my behalf; that 35 sucks. However, 36? Totally cool. The Boy I Currently Like will be turning 35 just days after me. We were talking about the big 35 and he said he had spent so long preparing for 35 that he thought he was going to be 36. So, not only does he get a free year, he gets to enjoy being younger than me for nine whole days. And enjoy it he will.

Could it be this extra-long, horrible winter? Okay, so it's a normal Minnesota winter. It just seems interminable because we've had abnormal winters for so long. Still, it's either cold as fuck and sunny or warm and gray. It's awful; it's weighing on everyone. Usually, my birthday is the bright spot in the winter. Guess that's not happening this year.

Then there is the general state of horribleness in the air, what with the economy in the shitter and people losing their jobs left and right. All I read is doom and despair and lost jobs and businesses going under and I can't fucking stand it. Especially after I just went through a bout of unemployment just a year ago. How can anyone have fun or think of themselves at a time like this? I do have a job, yes. But for every good thing that happens -- "Company X loves the work you did on this project and they want to renew it for this year at a higher cost." There's something bad, like, canceled projects and a need to increase billable hours.

I feel like I just don't deserve to have fun. I feel like I'm putting a huge burden on my friends by asking them to come out and have a few drinks with me to mark my hanging around another year. Really? In years past, I would not only ask people to come out and have a few drinks, I'd have several such occasions and not think twice about it.

God, proofreading this whole thing kinda makes me hate myself. What a fucking whiner. It's a wonder I have any friends at all. Either I'll go to yoga tonight and feel better after that, or I'll skip yoga, go to happy hour with KayGee and get drunk and feel better. By the time Saturday rolls around and I show up to drink at Liquor Lyle's with my friends, I'm sure I'll be out of this funk. Because, at the end of the day, I have a job, a pretty decent family and the most awesome-est group of friends for which a girl could possibly dream. Whatever this funk is, it can't be hanging around for all that long. Right?


Jen said...

I vote for going out and getting drunk! So try and have a great birthday today. No matter what you may think about yourself, you are so not a whiner and everyone thinks you're awesome. FACT.

pipermkd said...

As a lurker who really enjoys reading your blog (and who is also turning 35 today!) I definitely advise you to consume copious amounts of alcohol, listen to the warm birthday wishes from people who love you, and do what I'm doing - DON'T read the news today. Happy Birthday!

Becca said...

well, I'll just say Happy Birthday. Hopefully whatever you choose you'll start to feel better. I do like pipermkd's suggestion about not reading the news today.

Garwood B. Jones said...

35 is a snap, dear. Have a wonderful day and whatever you do, do it for yourself. I suggest yoga, then getting drunk.

I tried to find you a news story with some happy uplifting connection and, well... I found this.


Look on the bright side: you're not yet having your soul broken on a wheel.

Happy Birthday!

Jess said...

Thanks, y'all. I will, at the very least, be drinking at some point.

Interesting read, Garwood. I think it's clear to anyone who reads that I definitely have the anger angle down. Broken soul, here I come!

I'm troubled by this quote, however:

His own observations had confirmed the survey, an analysis of confessional data carried out by Roberto Busa, 96, a Jesuit priest celebrated for his computerised study of the works of St Thomas Aquinas.

Confessional data? Where did you get that data Father Busa? THAT SHIT IS SUPPOSED TO BE BETWEEN ME AND GOD. Of course, I stopped naming specific things in confession (and stopped altogether 10 years ago) after our priest talked about teens sneaking out and driving when they weren't supposed to in a homily after I'd confessed to that very thing right before Mass. Seriously dude? NOT COOL.

Oh, and Happy 35th, pipermkd!

Diana said...

Happy Birthday, Jess! We <3 you! And, if you are not out of this funk by Saturday, we'll make you drink it away. I think I'm going to delegate my drinking responsibilities to you (Sarah's too much of a lightweight!), so you'll be feeling fine in no time at all. :)

Frank said...

9 days younger than you. Wow, you're such a cradle robber :P

Brian in Mpls said...

Happy Birthday:)Screw other people :)

Jess said...

I would be honored to take up your drinking slack, Di. And yes, Frank, I am a dirty, cradle-robbing whore. It feels pretty good.

The day is looking up. Most likely due to the fact that I am at the Herkimer, halfway through a Bloody Mary. But it is also due in no small part to you guys. I cannot thank you all enough for ruling so fucking hard.

Ezekiel Barzillai Smythe said...

Hey! Happy birthday! I don't know you but I'm pretty sure if I did, we'd be out hitting the bars with epic viking style. I hope you have a great day, and I leave you with this:

Your escalator operator said...

Strange how the years keep going faster but the birthdays after, say, 29 get more blah.
Still: Happy birthday! Love the blog.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Well...um...happy birthday anyway...I guess?

Jess said...

I like the idea of doing it up epic Viking style (totally appropriate, by the way, as I froze my ass off walking up the street to the bar. Thanks, windchill!) juxtaposed with a Strawberry Shortcake video.

Thanks again to everyone. Now that the actual day is over I can go back to feeling weird and awkward about life in general.