So today is my birthday. Normally, I would be stoked as hell. I just don't really care this year. You'd think after last year, when I was unemployed, this year would be super awesome funtime birthday. But ... I'm just not feeling it.
Maybe it's because I'm turning the dreaded 35. I've never had trouble with any other particular year -- I was totally stoked to turn 30, for Pete's sake. And I think 36 sounds just fine. The World's Worst Wing Woman said she was incensed on my behalf; that 35 sucks. However, 36? Totally cool. The Boy I Currently Like will be turning 35 just days after me. We were talking about the big 35 and he said he had spent so long preparing for 35 that he thought he was going to be 36. So, not only does he get a free year, he gets to enjoy being younger than me for nine whole days. And enjoy it he will.
Could it be this extra-long, horrible winter? Okay, so it's a normal Minnesota winter. It just seems interminable because we've had abnormal winters for so long. Still, it's either cold as fuck and sunny or warm and gray. It's awful; it's weighing on everyone. Usually, my birthday is the bright spot in the winter. Guess that's not happening this year.
Then there is the general state of horribleness in the air, what with the economy in the shitter and people losing their jobs left and right. All I read is doom and despair and lost jobs and businesses going under and I can't fucking stand it. Especially after I just went through a bout of unemployment just a year ago. How can anyone have fun or think of themselves at a time like this? I do have a job, yes. But for every good thing that happens -- "Company X loves the work you did on this project and they want to renew it for this year at a higher cost." There's something bad, like, canceled projects and a need to increase billable hours.
I feel like I just don't deserve to have fun. I feel like I'm putting a huge burden on my friends by asking them to come out and have a few drinks with me to mark my hanging around another year. Really? In years past, I would not only ask people to come out and have a few drinks, I'd have several such occasions and not think twice about it.
God, proofreading this whole thing kinda makes me hate myself. What a fucking whiner. It's a wonder I have any friends at all. Either I'll go to yoga tonight and feel better after that, or I'll skip yoga, go to happy hour with KayGee and get drunk and feel better. By the time Saturday rolls around and I show up to drink at Liquor Lyle's with my friends, I'm sure I'll be out of this funk. Because, at the end of the day, I have a job, a pretty decent family and the most awesome-est group of friends for which a girl could possibly dream. Whatever this funk is, it can't be hanging around for all that long. Right?