I had all of an hour between coming home from work and leaving for the gym tonight. The Gophers played at 6:00, so I figured if I left at 6:00 for the gym, I wouldn't be tempted to watch and I could get home right about the time the game was finishing and then I could watch it while fast forwarding through all the timeouts and halftime, as I'd recorded the game on my trusty DVR. Plus, even though it's still early in the New Year, the gym is dead as hell on Thursdays and the crowds have seemed pretty thin this week as it is.
My plan, she was brilliant. I was home for about five minutes -- getting ready to change into my gym clothes -- when I heard a loud noise outside. I thought to myself, "That sounds like it could have been an accident. But there are so many loud trucks on this road, it was probably just a truck going over a bump."
I went to put in my contacts and change my clothes. I was in my bedroom, half-naked, when someone pounded on the door. "Fuck that. It's probably NARAL collecting because it's the anniversary of Roe v. Wade or some shit (though, the last time they were here, it was nice out and I was drinking on the deck and I totally gave the girl $10, 'cause I was buzzed and happy). Plus, I'm trying to get this damn bra fastened."
But once I was dressed, I decided to peek through the blinds to see if whoever pounded on my door was still around. That's when I saw a minivan all pushed up into the back of my car.
My powers of denial are so fucking awesome, I am in denial even when I don't consciously know that I should be in denial. Do you think that's a skill I could somehow turn into cash? Me neither.
So, I put on jeans (over my workout pants), a jacket and my boots (without socks ... big mistake) and go out to see WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. I'm not entirely sure, even after asking the guy a couple of times. My stretch of Lyndale is quasi-two-laned, but even in the best of conditions that second lane is a stretch. With the horribly, horribly, awfully shitty job the City of Minneapolis has done with plowing, that second lane is an absolute no-go. The story this guy told me made me think someone was trying to go in this mythical second lane and was either going to force him into oncoming traffic or over to the side of the road. Which doesn't exactly make sense, but I have problems with spatial reasoning.
There was a ton of room on the side of the road behind my car. However, due to the horrible, horrible, awful, shitty fucking job the City of Minneapolis has done with plowing, this guy slid right into the back of my car. FUCK.
He'd called the cops and his insurance company. I called mine while we were waiting for the cops. They drove by a couple of times, but didn't stop. So I called again. The dispatcher said they were looking for us. THEY DROVE BY TWICE. HOW CAN THEY NOT SEE US? A couple of minutes later they did find us. And man, they were spectacularly unhelpful at first (I have your badge numbers!). "Have you exchanged information? That's all you have to do." He wasn't even going to get out of the car. Uh, my insurance wants a police report, ass.
I'm thinking the guy who hit me is regretting calling the po-po. He ended up getting a ticket for having a suspended license. Oops. Yeah, I'm sure you took care of it. Neither I, nor the cops, have ever heard that one before. My faith in your insurance is totally solid after hearing all that.
My rear bumper is gone. It was mostly off, but the guy who came to pick The Car Destroyer and his daughter? girlfriend? wife? up pulled it off completely. That was nice of him. My muffler is hanging pretty low, but it's still attached. My trunk is pushed in a bit. It seems to be driveable. I reversed it and parked properly again, which is kind of a feat in and of itself, since there's always a danger of getting stuck due to all the fucking snow and shitty plowing.
This week was craptastic already. I've been vacillating between sad and crabby. I'm kinda broke (a flex plan is awesome, but when I have to wait three weeks to get my $400 back, it's not all that fucking great). No one has noticed my new glasses. I'm ugly as sin. But goodness, that wasn't enough. No! Let's add frustration and bullshit on top of all that. I'm trying to decide if I should work from home or take the bus. I guess that will all depend on what happens when I call State Farm when I get up tomorrow. Oh, and it's going to be totally fucking cold again, too! Seriously. How does it just keep getting better and better?
Oh, the Gophers are losing, too. Thank God I didn't go to the gym because I wasn't sure driving without a bumper and smashed driver's-side taillights was a good idea. I get to watch this shit.
At least I'm getting drunk.