You know, you could have sent that invite to the "red carpet event" at the Mall of America more than 18 hours before it was to take place. I could have certainly used a free pair of boy shorts. And I think we all know how much I adore free cocktails.
Though, I'm not sure how much use I could have gotten from the "20 percent off everything in the store" part. It's been quite some time since I've been in a Frederick's of Hollywood retail location. I know when I did that you carried my size in the store, unlike some places. However, since I've bumped up to an even more ridiculous cup size in recent months, I'm not sure if that is still the case. I suppose I'll find out soon enough if I can start saving shipping charges on my bras and undies by simply popping across the street to Hugedale.
Freddie's isn't the only one to blame here. I would have had plenty of time for free drinks and free underwear if I hadn't had to drive to my sister's place after work on Friday to pick up my mom and take her to my nephew's first basketball game of the season. Why they couldn't work that shit out is beyond me.
Things probably worked out in the end, though. I once again have a freezer full of free pork. My mom gave me a Columbia jacket she wore briefly and decided she didn't particularly like. It's too hot or something. Hey, I'll take a nice winter jacket off your hands. No problem. She also tried to give me a pair of long-length jeans she mistakenly bought, too. My mom is not a tall woman and she certainly doesn't have long legs. I put them on and it was like, "Everything's coming up Milhouse!" In what universe these jeans might be considered "long" is beyond me.
After my nephew's team stank it up in their second game on Saturday morning, we decided a little retail therapy was necessary. When we walked into the mall, mother dear said, "I'll buy each of you one thing." It felt a little like we were all 10 years old instead of one 10-year-old and two 30-somethings. But she likes doing it and shit, I like getting a pair of new boots, so everyone wins! My sister and I also bought new hats and mittens. I'm all fucking set for winter now, kids.
The sucky kids' basketball I was subjected to Friday night and Saturday morning were foreshadowing what I was in for the rest of the day, I think. Good sweet Christ, why did the Gophers even bother playing last night? Or the last few games for that matter? I don't have high hopes for The Bob Saget fan club either. I'm leading and still have my kicker to go, but my opponent has two players left to my one. Boo.
But what does that matter? It's a short week. I'm so excited for Thanksgiving Eve and Thanksgiving, I can't even tell you.