12 November 2008

Sweet bacony Christ!

A couple of days ago, the incomparable Justin from J&D's Bacon Salt dropped me a note to tell me he'd sent me a little gift. You may remember me talking about Bacon Salt on any number of occasions. Let me remind y'all: that shit is fucking good.

I had my first day of training for The Big Account today and the weather has been shitty, so I promptly forgot about Justin's e-mail. Well, I'd forgotten about it until I opened my door and a box fell on my foot when I got home after work. I might have peed a little from all the excitement. It's hard to say.

Let me tell y'all, "little gift" is the understatement of the year. In this box was The Ultimate Bacon Lover's Gift Pack. Wanna know what's in it?

The Ultimate in bacon goodness. For a friend, for you, or a random act of kindness. Includes a jar of Original Bacon Salt; 5 delicious new Bacon Salt flavors (Applewood, Cheddar, Mesquite, Jalapeno and Maple); a jar of Baconnaise (please specify Regular or Lite); and J&D's Bacon Lip Balm. All in a fun gift box just in time for the holidays!

Baconnaise! Holy shit! I got Baconnaise! It is the full-fat version. I was all ready to order the Lite, but I was waiting to order because I thought ordering just that was dumb. So I was going to maybe order some Christmas presents or something, but I was being lame and God, who can think about Christmas presents before Thanksgiving? Anyway, I doubt I will ever bother ordering the Lite version now. There's a reason for going to the gym, you know.

How to describe the taste of Baconnaise? Well, the smell is delightful, first of all. I had a bag of regular Popchips ('cept they are from Trader Joe's, so they are way cheaper), and I decided to use them as a means of conveyance for the Baconnaise to reach my mouth.

When the Baconnaise hit my taste buds, I'm pretty sure the Earth moved and angels sang. It tastes like the second coming of Christ. In my mouth. (That's what she said.)

Honestly, I think the fact that it is the full-fat version and I'm very much used to eating low-fat mayo might have had something to do with it. The heavy, velvety, creaminess of it makes it feel so luxurious. But it doesn't even taste like mayo. All you can taste is the bacon. It's like Bacon Salt on crack. IT IS SO FUCKING GOOD. You should get your ass some as soon as fucking possible. I'm not kidding. It's kosher and vegetarian. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE. Well, unless you're vegan. Then I'm so, so fucking sorry. You poor bastards.

And the nine million bottles of Bacon Salt? Holy shit. I'm so excited to use them all. I'm going to be putting Bacon Salt in everything. I still haven't put Bacon Salt on peanut butter. I think that needs to happen post haste.

Oh, and the Bacon Lip Balm? Totally smells and tastes of bacon. I will be bestowing bacon-flavored kisses on anyone and everyone who wants them as long as that shit lasts. I'm not kidding.

So thank you, Justin. I should also thank Dave, 'cause Justin didn't do this all by his lonesome. I think y'all should win some sort of humanitarian award for all the good you've done for this world.


Emily said...

So. Incredibly. Jealous.

I just ordered myself some baconnaise today. I can't WAIT.

Jess said...

You're going to be one happy girl in very short order, sister.

It makes me tingly in my lady parts.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Bacon salt on peanut butter? You diabolical genius!

Muffy Willowbrook said...

I think bacon on Peanut Butter sounds pretty good!

Where do I get my hands on all this bacon goodness?

Jess said...

I've actually had the peanut butter and bacon combo before at P.B. Loco. And right now I'm eating a whole wheat tortilla with peanut butter (stupid Trader Joe's having only unsalted creamy) and hickory Bacon Salt, wrapped around a banana.

My only complaint? Not enough Bacon Salt.

Muffy, you can buy it all online here. Also, it's supposed to be available at Lunds, Byerley's and Rainbow. However, last time I looked at the Lunds on Lake, I didn't see it. But it's been a while since I last checked and I have totally forgotten to even look when I'm at Rainbow.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Never knew that they created bacon salt or baconaise --- I might ask my secret santa to buy me some this year because I don't know what I want.

Thanks for the link.

Anonymous said...

It sounds so good. I want some now on my toast!

Anonymous said...

This post was so good, I'm going to put it on a bookmark on my ipod Touch. I need bacon updates regularlly!

Jess said...

I would absolutely encourage your secret santa to get you some Baconnaise and Bacon Salt, LMB.

The only thing that could possibly improve peanut butter toast would be the addition of Bacon Salt, I'm fairly certain.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Why didn't they give a discount code for your readers...that would be nice...

Andrew DK said...

"Bacon Lip Balm"
Mmm, mmm. Nothing like making out with a pork chop.

Ezekiel Barzillai Smythe said...

I spent all of my childhood and some of my adult life thinking I hated bacon. So much so that I'd "hold the bacon" on double-bacon cheeseburgers. The audacity! Then one day I accidentally ate bacon on something, and realized that I am actually a crack addict. I mean bacon. I'm guessing that we'll be reading more about your gym exploits in the near future? :)

Jess said...

Do not make out with an uncooked pork chop, though. That's a recipe for disaster.

I'm very glad to hear you've gotten over your fear of bacon Mr. Smythe. I'm not sure I've ever met anyone who didn't like bacon. If I ever do, I would probably inspect them to make sure they were indeed human.

It's hard to say how much more writing about the gym I'll be doing. I mean, I don't intend to eat spoonfuls of Baconnaise or anything. And I already spend a lot of time at the gym.

Quite frankly, I could have an entire blog dedicated to how much I hate the people at my gym. God, they suck. I figure that would get boring, though, so I try to write about the noteworthy stuff -- the guys in unitards, the farting in yoga ...

Jen said...

PB Loco...yum!!

I had a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich last night and it was so damn good. Wonder how it would've tasted with some baconnaise?

Jess said...

The Boy I Currently Like and I had grilled cheese for dinner last night, too! I totally would have added bacon, but we didn't decide until late in the day what we were going to have, and I couldn't be bothered to get a package out and defrost it when I got home, much less cook it and then make the grilled cheese. Plus, I made mashed potatoes, too. That's enough goddamn work for one night.

You should try adding apple next time -- I had a cheddar, bacon and apple grilled cheese a few weeks ago and it was divine. I imagine adding Baconnaise would only make it nine million times better. Screw Paula Deen's roasted red onion mayo!