But it seems that you've forgotten your pants. I mean, I can't imagine you intended to work out in that Flashdance sweatshirt and ... Sweet buttery Christ, is that a red, white and blue Speedo?
Look buddy, I know we were all feeling totally patriotic last night after doing out civic duty. But that is no reason for wearing a Speedo to the gym and not swimming in it. That is horribly, horribly inappropriate gym attire. You trump the unitards, the guys in jeans and the woman wearing clogs. I hope to fucking Christ they hosed that place down with bleach last night after everyone went home.
And you, Trader Joe's cashier, I know we bonded over our shared Irish heritage last time you rang me up -- your lovely tattoo and my necklace -- but after last night I kinda think you're a bit of a douche.
It's nice to be chatted up while you're scanning and bagging my groceries. And even offering me workout advice is not totally out of bounds. But trying to impress upon me just how salient your advice was by dropping the "I played DI sports," nugget was too much. But you didn't stop there, did you? You had to say DI A sports. No AA for you, huh? Honey, I've been to college and I've had plenty of contact with D1 athletes. I am not impressed.