20 October 2008

Yoga FAIL.

Sweet merciful crap. I'm so fucking cranky. Our yoga class tonight was focused on balances, with a side focus of leg strength. So, you know, we were doing mostly leg balances.

I've said it before, but I'm not sure I can stress it enough: I SUCK AT BALANCING. And I suck roughly 1,500 times harder on the right side than the left for whatever stupid reason. Of course, I spent 45 minutes on the treadmill before class and used my inhaler, so I was all full of energy and a bit jittery. Oh, and my legs were tired. Let me tell you how much that helps when you're trying to balance. And the longer the class went on, the more I sucked and the more frustrated I got, which increased the sucking, because I was frustrated and couldn't get my breathing under control and focus.

Look, I know I have to do the stuff I suck at and the stuff that is difficult to improve. I spend a lot of time cursing under my breath at the gym, whether it's in yoga or when I'm on the elliptical machine or lifting weights. The stuff I hate doing is probably the most important for me to do.

What really pisses me off, is that I can bust out a Tree Pose or King Dancer in my kitchen or living room when KayGee and I are doing drunk yoga. Why can I do it when I'm not in class?

An entire class of epic levels of suck is apparently a bit too much for me to handle. Because I want to fight somebody right about now. I hate being a failure.

10 comments:

tryingtofigureitout said...

here is the thing about doing things at home and doing things in public.
example #1: at home (or in my car)... i am a freaking ROCKSTAR! (ask my kids... they'll tell you)
example #2: if justin timberlake could see me dancing in my kitchen he would BEG me to be in his next video...

But, I get in front of people and for some reason I can't carry a tune in a bucket and I have absolutely no rhythm ...

Here is a suggestion. Drink[alcohol]. Drink lots [of alcohol] before you do yoga. This will surely loosey goosey you up and you'll be able to accomplish whatever you like in that yoga class!

Jess said...

Dude, if I drank before yoga, I wouldn't be able to do anything.

I can't even walk in a straight line when I'm sober. Hello, balance problems?

Anyway, post-alcohol yoga has already made me feel better about being the suckiest suck who ever sucked.

Gotta go. My damn wiener kids are here.

Ezekiel Barzillai Smythe said...

Well, nothing makes me feel like more of a failure than the two octogenarians (one man, one woman) at my gym. They are in superb shape and they are 50+ years older than I am. WAAH!

Jess said...

Those oldsters are clearly freaks of nature, so you probably shouldn't feel too bad.

And hey, at least you aren't being asked by old people at your gym if you got so strong by hauling babies around.

Emily said...

That's exactly why yoga isn't a good fit for me; I get all frustrated and can't help but compare myself to everyone else in the class and getting stressed about it (despite reminders that it's "not a competition").

I think I do better relieving my stress through kicking and punching types of exercise.

Jess said...

See, one of the totally lame reasons I love yoga is because I'm usually one of the better people in my yoga classes (not that I'm being competitive!). I probably needed a tough class to knock me down a few pegs and all that.

I'm mostly over it now. And I'm sure tomorrow's class will be much better.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Can't overthink the balance poses, once you do, you fall. That is why it works so well after drinking in your kitchen.

Jess said...

Focus and concentration are often my downfall. I totally do better with my eye closed/drunk as shit when playing darts.

Jen said...

wiener kids?

Jess said...

It's from the Simpsons. I cannot help myself from spouting Simpsons-related stuff from time-to-time.

Or all the damn time.