10 October 2008

I'm not ready for that level of commitment.

Monday was my annual tune-up with the cooter doctor. I know you're jealous. Don't try to hide it. Everything is delightful. I even get to skip my mammogram this year.

I did have one thing I wanted to discuss with my doctor -- my birth control. I've heard all kinds of good things about the IUD. Well, mainly that it's set-it-and-forget-it five years and you stop getting your period at all by the end of the first year. Sure, it isn't pleasant having it inserted if you've never had kids, but what's a couple days of discomfort for five years of carefree sex?

Now, the IUD isn't something you just pop into the doctor and get that day. I know it's a process, but I have no idea how long it might take. Gotta find out if my insurance covers it, because if not, there is some really serious planning that needs to happen. I wasn't even sure if I was ready, but what can it hurt to at least ask about it, right?

So, we discussed it. And I'm so not ready for it. Like, I'm not even going to consider discussing it with The Boy I Currently Like. There's no point. It's too much.

My doctor said that first of all, you have to be absolutely certain you don't want kids. No problem there. I told her I'd never wanted them. She kept saying things like, "Well, if you've come to terms with that," or "As long as you've made peace with that." Lady, there's no terms to which I need to come nor any peace that needs to be made. I've never wanted to have children. Sure, I could change my mind at some point, but after 34 years, I just don't see it.

Secondly, apparently I need to be in a Very Serious Monogamous Relationship. Like, bordering on marriage. What if I don't know if I ever want to get married? No IUD for you, sister. Not ever.

Look, I'm okay with The Pill. We've been together for nearly 15 years, since right after my first and only pregnancy scare. I know how my body and emotions react to it. I know when I'm not on it, I can get a little crazy. I've gone off for a few months a few times over the last 15 years, and to be honest with y'all, I don't like myself when I'm not on it. Sometimes you just need to see what else is out there, right? I've seen it and I'm happy with what I have now. It's a month-to-month commitment. Not that I'm going to use the option, but it's nice to know I have an out.


Emily said...

God, I hate when people think that women who don't have children have to "come to terms" with it.

I mean yeah, if you're getting a little older, would like kids, and it's not happening, that's something to come to terms with.

But not have kids because you don't want to? That's something to CELEBRATE.

scargosun said...

I'm with Emily. I think I said that earlier today. We are the perverbial cheese standing alone in the whole having kids thing. I am not getting an IUD b/c I have heard all the BAD stories about it but the whole, 'making peace' thing is irritating.

Jess said...

The worst part was, she kept saying that shit after I told her I've never wanted to squeeze out any puppies.

Muffy Willowbrook said...

I have the IUD and it's been a great alternative to the Pill. I had to break up with the Pill when I started getting migraines from it. I guess that's one of the wonderful things that happens to your body after you turn 35.

My doctor made no big stink about committing to a child free lifestyle whatsoever. And she said if I changed my mind in a year, than that was fine. I doubt I will - but she never made me feel like a hethan because I'm not dying to be a SuperMom.

Jess said...

Shit. I hope I don't start getting migraines in the next year or so.

See, I thought my doctor would have an attitude similar to your doctor's. Then again, she was telling me what I'd need to say to the gynecologist I saw. She even said, "This is what you need to tell them, in these words."

So I guess maybe it's not her being the freak about the rules.

Anonymous said...

That is so weird. Why should she assume that you secretly want kids, when you told her you don't? It's your body, in any case.
If she wants kids, let her have them!

Anonymous said...

That's so weird. I got my IUD when I was 23 and didn't want kids, but knew enough to know that I might in the future. It was my last option before having my tubes tied, as I can't take any of the hormonal stuff because of my stoopid illness.

The new ones are actually really safe - not like the ones in the 70's that scarred up your uterus pretty good and you never would be able to have children.

As for the pre-marriage monogamous thing? What I was told for the 10 years that I had the thing was that you just had to be clean - try not to fuck people with lots of disease, and no anal/vaginal action without a good shower in between (no worries there, lady).

And the pain, while significant going in, was pretty much done by the next day. However, don't do like I did and have it done in the morning and think you can work that day. Fuck that. Go get yourself some booze and plant it on the couch for the day.

(Also, if your insurance doesn't cover it - which it should - Planned Parenthood does them on a sliding scale, and it's not too bad.)

Jess said...

My insurance does pay 80 percent, so there's that.

The whole thing with the monogamous relationship is about the fact that if you get an STD when you have an IUD (acronymlicious!), it can be worse than it normally would be.

So yeah, you have to be careful. But I'm not not some moron who is going to have unprotected sex with someone new or someone I don't fully trust. I mean, I've done the pill-plus-condom method for most of the years I've been on it anyway.

I hate having to hear the same version of a speech that dumb people get.

Anonymous said...

I got an IUD when I was 32. Yeah, it was really painful/uncomfortable when I got it put in but I bet labor and raising a kid is a lot worse.

I was all prepared to answer all the questions and explain why I should be able to have one even though I am not married (I have been dating my boyfriend for 12 years but the MD did not know that) and didn't have any kids. The doctor I saw was new to me and didn't even ask me any questions. She handed me a pamphlet and told me to read it and make an appointment if I decided if I wanted it. Definitely not what I had expected.

I got the Mirena and have had it for one year. I love it! I spotted for about 6 months off and on and haven't had a period since. I will say though, the cramping was so bad when I got it that I don't think I would ever go through it again, but I am glad I have it and will reassess in 4 years. Maybe by then I will have forgotten the pain...

Jess said...

Women constantly get over the pain of childbirth to have more kids. How that is possible is beyond me, but I suppose then, it wouldn't be impossible to get over the cramping associated with th IUD once every five years to not have to experience the pain of childbirth.