Dear Ol' Drippy,
It's nice to know that you've showered. I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but your big, wet ass is going to leave quite the delight on the toilet seat behind you. Who knew, right? I mean, you're dripping water all over the floor, so why would the toilet seat be all wet after you sat on it? Crazy how things work, huh?
I had to use three massive wads of toilet paper to wipe the seat off. And that still wasn't enough. Granted, the toilet paper at the gym is shit. I don't know how anyone would imagine pooping there (oh, but people do it). And let's not forget about the fancy footwork I needed to employ to avoid the puddles you left on the floor.
So thanks for leaving a wake of water behind you without regard for anyone else. You couldn't pee before showering? Or after drying off? Forgive me. Lord knows how much I love cleaning up after other people at the gym.
Yours in Christ,