God, I hate weddings. Well, at the very least, weddings for the my mom's side of the family. Honestly, I'm not entirely thrilled with most weddings. The party and whatnot is usually fun -- especially when it is for my dad's side of the family. But if I had a choice, I'd avoid them as a rule.
My second-youngest cousin on my mom's side of the family got married earlier today. It was your typical small-town wedding (did you know public schools catered wedding dinners now? Me neither, but I haven't had a meal that awful since high school), right down to the readings. Does everyone use the "love is patient, love is kind," and the reading from Ephesians about women submitting to their husbands? Honestly. Though, the "love is never rude" line from the first reading always cracks me up. Of course, the Ephesians reading always gets my feminist undies in a bunch.
Then the pastor (Lutheran wedding ... at least they're short) started his homily with this discussion about submission which made me totally uncomfortable. Look, I think talking about submission and being on one's knees is just fine (delightful, even) in the bedroom. Or, you know, the living room or in whatever room you choose to do your dirty stuff. But I do not like clergy talking to me about submission. He also used caramel apples as some sort of visual aid.
We then went to the bar to pass the time between wedding and reception. We drank, watched the Twins and played video games with my nephew and my cousins' kids. Then my grandparents showed up. Lovely. I've written before about how awful these people are. It's so fucking hard for me to even be civil to them most of the time.
My grandpa gave my cousin away today. I'm not even sure what we were talking about, buy my grandpa said something I couldn't really hear about still being able to walk or something. Apparently, he was telling me that should I ever get married, he could give me away. I didn't figure it out until my mom said, "She has a father." Yes, grandpa, unlike most of your grandchildren, my dad is very much in my life. About a minute later, mom said, "And she has a brother."
I was retelling the story to my sister on the ride back and we added all of my uncles to the list. And, failing all of them, we'd probably try to reanimate the corpse of my dead grandpa before I asked my mom's dad.
Doesn't matter, though. Because on the off chance that I ever get married, I'm eloping.