25 September 2008

Assholes everywhere.

Am I the only one who has to follow the (both written and unwritten) rules of the road? I suppose I'm probably a bit more sensitive than usual, what with being sad. Oh, and hormonal. Mother Nature, your timing is impeccable as always, you dirty whore. But damn, there just seem to be a larger-than-normal number of shitheads in cars out there today.

On my way home from work, the back-up on Cedar to get onto the Crosstown was long. I was totally okay with that, though. I was feeling so generous that I let some guy merge in front of me. He even waved thank you! He couldn't possibly be an asshole if he gave the thank you wave, right?

Wrong. Instead of letting someone merge in front of him, he sped up and I had to let them in. Jerk. The merging karma will come back to get you, Dickwad in the green Explorer. Okay, so it was a violation of an unwritten rule. It's still annoying. You need to pay that shit forward.

The breaking of the written rules of the road is of course, far more egregious. I don't know what is wrong with the drivers in Uptown -- especially on 31st between say, Lake Calhoun and Hennepin Ave. -- but sweet buttery Christ, I'm pretty sure 85 percent of the drivers around there have no fucking clue how a four-way stop is supposed to work.

Like the guy who pulled out in front of me today -- there was a car that beat me to the stop. Then I arrived and then the third guy arrived. The guy who was there first went first. Since I arrived second, it was my turn to go. However, the guy who arrived third (who was to my left, as it turns out), decided he needed to go next. IT WASN'T YOUR TURN ASSHOLE. Even if we'd hit the intersection at exactly the same moment, it was still my turn because if that happens, the car to your right goes first.

Of course, he waved at me like I was doing him a favor by not fucking t-boning him.

A block later, a woman taking a left turn deemed her needs far more necessary than anything else and turned left in front of me as I was going through the intersection. I was cursing at these fuckers -- loudly. And through my open windows. Oh, one of these days I'm going to get a cap in my ass for doing that shit.

Then the gym was smelly and now the Twins are imploding and I am cranky. Also, I can't find the Minnesota statute on what the fuck to do at a four-way stop, so I'm worried I remember the rules incorrectly, but I don't think so. Still, that's adding to the crabbiness. Clearly, I need to get to drinking.


Emily said...

I think what's worse is that people in Minnesota seem to completely lack the ability to merge.

The point of merging is to get up to the speed of traffic, NOT to make a complete stop at the end of the onramp and then "turn" onto the freeway.


Jess said...

Where do these merging-retards come from? Sorry. I should maybe call them the mergingly-challenged?

'Cause I've lived in Minnesota for nearly all of my life (save for that year in Wilmington. Talk about shitty drivers ...) and I think the people in this state are the suck at merging, too.

Jen said...

I thought it was just Southerners who couldn't drive. Oh and I have a question. Has it suddenly become legal to turn left on red? I saw it happen twice in one week, both at pretty big intersections, so I was just curious.

Jess said...

Ah, the left on red. Those were ubiquitous in Wilmington. And not just one car, but like three or four.

I think it's only illegal if you're not more important than everyone else.

Ezekiel Barzillai Smythe said...

Oh geez... people are silly. Here in Seattle (land of cold politeness) there is a little problem of arriving at an intersection where no one can decide who gets to go because they're all being "nice." So, people will inch forward, only to slam their brakes on in indecision, wave the other person on, the other person refuses to go out of kindness, then FINALLY someone will decide to go -- and get flipped off for being the selfish asshole who didn't want to spend 20 minutes at an intersection.

D. Kendall said...

I thought I was the only one, but I also can't find the rules on MN four way stops. Your blog = awesome.

Jess said...

Huh. Maybe that's why no one seems to know what to do when the arrive at one. Hahahahahahaha. Who am I kidding?

And thanks ever so much. I'm like, blushing and stuff.

You know, Mr. Smythe, we do get that overly polite gridlock at four-way stops here, too. It's usually one extreme or the other and you're screwed no matter what if you know what you're doing.