12 August 2008

How can you not tell?

Wait. Perhaps the better question is: How can you stand to be around yourself?

There was a guy at the gym tonight who smelled so fucking bad. It was the sweaty, unwashed, been-working-in-the-hot-sun-all-day kind of stank. His stench was so strong it made me cough.

I just do not understand how one gets to that point. Whenever I smell some stank-ass person, I always freak out and think it's me. Clearly, I am probably not ever going to become one of those people who can't smell their own funk. I notice mine early and remedy the situation as quickly as possible. God, if I forget to put on deodorant, my increasing stinkiness is all I can think about until I get my hands on some deodorant.

The guy at the gym was probably six feet away from me at first, so I only got wafts of his disgustingness when he was moving air around. Unfortunately, he was on a butterfly-type machine, so there was plenty of air rushing past his reeking pits. I thought maybe if I went way down and did my triceps, he would be done and gone by the time I moved back down to do lat pulldowns and the chest press. And he was. But his stench remained.

How bad do you have to stink to drive someone away from the gym? I might be the wrong person to use as an example here, because I apparently have a fairly sensitive nose. That always seems a bit odd to me, as I am congested so often. But it is true. The World's Worst Wing Woman has noticed it. Before The Boy I Currently Like and I met, he said something about my nose being intimidating. And he's a boy, so he can get a wee bit stinky. But I don't mind his brand of manly stinkiness. In fact, I quite like it.

Maybe there's a threshold that must be crossed. I still like that humid, sweaty smell the gym sometimes gets when it's raining or in the winter that reminds me of the way the little gym would smell during and after wrestling practice.

StankAss McReekypants, though ... God, he was so awful. I coughed. I had to breathe through my towel. I had to cut my workout short. And what's even more confusing was this -- Stinky was walking around, chatting with a variety of my fellow gymgoers. I cannot understand how anyone could stand to be withing 20 feet of that guy, much less close enough to have a conversation with him.

Gross. Take a fucking shower, asshole.

6 comments:

Emily said...

I remember once reading (probably in some women's magazine) that you're supposed to switch up what perfume you wear because you get used to the smell and need to apply more and more to be able to detect it. Therefore, you start unknowingly knocking people on their asses with your excessive application of Clinique Happy.

Maybe the same rule applies and if you smell bad enough for long enough you adjust to your own disgustingness stench?

I'm not sure how the other people in the gym managed to carry on conversations with him though; that's still a mystery.

Jess said...

The occasional shower would probably do this guy some good.

I've heard the same thing about perfumes. I wear three different ones or don't wear one at all. Depends on the day, I guess. Still, I tend to put the same amount on, regardless. Guess I took that damn women's rag advice to heart.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Maybe he's from France and only believes in showering once per week. LOL.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Bad stink is just horrible and almost impossible to get out of your nose and memory.

Hope the smell didn't linger with you too long.

j

Jess said...

This guy smelled as bad as the hippies who worked at the PIRG office in my old building at my old job (not the mouse poo on my desk job). Sweet Jesus, there were a couple days I could smell those fuckers from the other side of the building.

Now you know why I won't give you any money when you come to my door, bothering me while I'm watching the Twins or playing Wii.

scargosun said...

I have one of those noses too. Makes it so I can't wear perfume, gives me a headache.

I think guys that stink like that are proud of their stink. It's like "I've been working outside doing manly things and now I am going to do some more."
Why can't he just pee on the wall of the gym outside andmark his territory like that?

Jess said...

Peeing on the wall would have been preferable to smelling this guy's rank ass.