09 July 2008

What's your story, Toilet Radio?

Before I get to the toilet radio thing, I guess there's some work bathroom background I need to get into. I could have sworn I wrote about this already, but apparently that was just in an e-mail to The Boy I Currently Like.

So, there was this episode of The X-Files (I actually just saw it again during my Brief Period of Unemployment) where a woman at some sort of mailing facility (like a Fed Ex-type place, maybe) went to the loo for a break and she was in there, smoking and reading a magazine, blissfully unaware that there were bees, lots and lots of bees coming out of the vent in the wall. Then one stung her and another and another until they'd stung her a bazillion times and she died. I think this was also the episode where Skinner was doing all kinds of underhanded shit for the Smoking Man and getting caught on tape and whatnot. But he was trying to get the antidote for Scully or something. I'm not entirely clear on the non-bee related stuff in the episode. Then again, it's all related to the bees, in a way (By the way, who is going to see The X-Files movie? *raises hand*).

Now, only those of you who have done a bit of drinking with me may be aware of this (or anyone who has read about my numerous trips to the bathroom, I guess), but I have a tiny bladder. I've heard it has something to do with being Irish. I don't know the theory or myth or whatever that is behind it, though.

Anyway, I'm in the bathroom often and the air conditioning or the vents in there are very loud and it SOUNDS LIKE THOUSANDS OF BEES are just waiting on the other side to emerge. And boy, do they sound angry. Every time I'm in there, I fear the bees are going to start coming out from the vent and then start stinging me and I'll die from a million bee stings in the damn bathroom.

But over the bees, sometimes I hear what I like to call the Toilet Radio. It's actually the music that plays in all the common spaces of the office building. I only notice it in the loo, though. Now, you'd think it would be Muzak or lame easy listening shit. And you would be right sometimes.

You would not be right all the time, though. Mixed in with the shit I don't know and the Enya and Chicago and Corey Hart and the not-terrible-but-old Temptations and The Mamas and The Papas and Smokey Robinson and the not-terrible-but-kind-of-old-and-really-odd Fine Young Cannibals cover of "Suspicious Minds," I have heard Cat Power and Rufus Wainwright just today. I've also heard Gomez and Snow Patrol and Sade and Spoon.

Um, what? Do they play like, whatever might pass as easy listening in a certain genre? I wouldn't say the Temptations shit I heard today was easy listening, because I was kinda dancing as I walked out of the bathroom. There are times I'm in there and want to stay to hear the rest of the song. It's nice when I go in to cry and get cheered up by whatever's playing.

It's kind of an adventure, the bees and the music. It keeps me on my toes when I'm peeing.


Anonymous said...

Love the parting quip about being kept on your toes! I snorted!

Jess said...

I'm not even sure I realized what I was saying when I wrote that. I was a bit buzzed when I was posting.

Today I heard "Marry Me Bill," "Hey There Delilah" and a Ben Lee song all in a row (I was scrunching out my hair -- it's a bit of a process).