08 July 2008

My eyes must be deceiving me.

Yesterday when I was driving through the parking ramp at the gym, I passed a car with a decal on the back. I could have sworn it was Calvin peeing on a cross. Like a blasphemous version of Calvin peeing on a Ford or Chevy logo. Or like a cartoon take on Piss Christ.

I was entirely too excited about this, as I heart blasphemy. Against my better judgment, I actually went to check it out to make sure I saw what I thought I saw. Big mistake. It was Calvin on his knees, praying in front of a cross. Boo! When will I ever learn to just take my first impression and have fun with it?

It's like the time I was at Walgreens and walked past the eye drops section and I was positive I saw something called "Hobo Tears." Now, I'm not going to go back to see what the package really said. Why? Because the real thing could never be as awesome as Hobo Tears. Also, I'd see what the package actually said and realize I need to stop smoking the crack.

In other news, I think I hate my new job. But it's a different kind of hate than the hate I had for my last job. This training is brutal. They do acknowledge that it is awful. I guess that's good? It is terribly nice of you to tell me I'm going to want to scream and tear my hair out and then tell me not to get frustrated. Um, okay. I'll see what I can do about that.

Once I get acclimated, I'm sure the hate will dull and I'll get through the days without crying or marking up the insides of my wrists. That's what I'm hoping happens, anyway. 'Cause I'm far too old to be a cutter. Thank the Baby Jebus for booze.

8 comments:

I'm Frank said...

If Hobo Tears do, in fact, exist, send me some for Christmas, as that would be the best gift I could ever get.

Also, the image of Calvin praying in front of the cross is in itself blasphemous. I think that any boy who has an imaginary pet tiger and takes frequent imaginary trips into space is in need of an exorcism of some kind.

Jess said...

Hobo Tears would be quite possibly the best product ever. If I ever see them for real anywhere, I will buy every last bottle.

I suppose you're right that the image is blasphemous on it's own. Apparently, I need more blasphemy to really get revved up. I've been horribly, horribly desensitized, I guess.

Michele said...

The first time I saw the praying Calvin, I thought he was peeing on the cross too! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who imagined this. And laughed.

Beth said...

Hobo Tears would be awesome.

And i've made it my mission in life to find a job I like, that won't render me broke. When I find one, i'll let you know.

Jess said...

I cannot tell y'all how heartened I am to know there are other delighted-by-blasphemy, Hobo-loving, job-haters out there in the world reading my blog.

I love you guys this much. *Arms spread out as wide as I possibly can get them*

Group hug!

Michelle said...

Calvin peeing on a cross would be hilarious. I heart blasphemy.

Hobo Tears is the best product ever! :)

I am sorry the new job isn't going as well as you would like... I find too, that as long as I have booze it at least makes work bearable.

Muffy Willowbrook said...

Holy crap - what? a Cutter?
You need to cut?

DUDE!....Don't. Let's go drink instead. Put the knife down and pick up TJ wine instead.

and then let's hug it out, ok?

Jess said...

I don't need to cut yet. Drinking and digging my fingernails into my palms or the insides of my wrists seems to be sufficing for now.

Believe me, honey, I am partaking in the TJ's wine. I'm totally down for hugging it out, though.

Michelle, Hobo Tears would be ultra-moisturizing, don't you think?

Work didn't end up being that bad today. It's weird, but when I'm doing real, live work instead of training shit, I seem to get rave reviews. The stuff I do for training? That gets ripped apart and that is what leads to crying in the bathroom. Fuck.