I found this letter in my purse earlier today. I apparently wrote it on Sunday, after my nephew's first baseball game. But there was so much going on and I was so tired, I forgot all about it. Better late than never?
Dear Red Sox Grandma,
If you don't stop jingling those goddamn keys, I am going to snatch them out of your hand and shove them down your fucking throat.
Also, for the love of all things holy, please put on a bra. No one -- least of all a bunch of eight- to 10-year-old boys -- needs to see your saggy, nipping-out tits flopping around in that flimsy dress. Gross.
Yours in Christ,