KayGee and The Prison Librarian came over last night for farm-fresh brats and drinking on the deck. More on that tomorrow or something. They told me a story about something that happened after we left Psycho Suzi's on the pub crawl last weekend. I'm writing about it because I think it might help me sort it out in my head and help me decide what I should do or even can do about it. I thought a lot about it this morning in the shower (that's my thinkin' place) and it makes me so mad and upsets me so much I was totally bawling.
KayGee's sister is engaged and getting married in September. Our friend Princess Kay of the Milky Way recently got engaged to The Doctor, as well. I guess the soon-to-be-marrieds were chatting on about wedding shit and at some point, KayGee leaned over to Sweetness and said something along the lines of, "So, California?" And they were chatting about that, when Princess Kay leans over, puts her arm around KayGee and starts in on some, "Wouldn't it be cool if you guys called it by some other name," spiel. She apparently kept on in that vein, saying "It would be the same, it would just have another name."
Um, what? I was flabbergasted when KayGee and the Prison Librarian told me this. Look, I know Princess Kay and The Doctor are kind of conservative. But a very considerable chunk of their friends are gay and lesbian. How can you think that way when you're talking about your friends and their lives?
We've been going through something similar in my family, as it turns out. My cousin proposed to her partner a year or so ago and she sent an e-mail out to the family telling us as much. Obviously, they have no plans to get married any time soon, because they live in Wisconsin and they can't. The subject has come up in random family discussions. My dad has said he wouldn't go to a wedding. A couple of my other uncles and my brother have pretty much said the same. I'm not surprised by this in one way, I guess. My dad is conservative and very Catholic. My brother and uncles (two of them, anyway) are of a similar mindset. But this is their niece; she is our cousin. I was even more shocked to find out most of my aunts feel similarly, though I think they'd go to a wedding. "Well, we don't approve of what she's doing, but we'll go to support her anyway."
While I'm not that surprised by the sentiment amongst my dad's siblings, I still am kind of shocked. How could you even interact with them at family gatherings if you'd skipped out on the wedding because you don't approve of same-sex marriage? I don't understand it. Why can't you just love your niece and support her? Be thrilled she's happy; that she found someone she loves and she wants to spend the rest of her life with. You've done it for all the others. Are you saying you love her less because she's a lesbian? That ain't right. Not at all.
As much as my family's attitude upsets me (seriously, I'm crying again), Princess Kay voicing her previously-hidden views seems so much more horrible to me. My family members don't have many gays or lesbians in their lives. But Princess Kay? She is a huge fag hag. How can you look at a wide swath of your friends and think they're somehow lesser citizens than you? Half of our immediate group of friends is in same-sex relationships. How can you look at these people you care about -- that you love -- and tell them that you don't think they should have the same rights as you? "Hey, thanks for throwing an engagement party for us. I'd never do the same for you because I don't think you should be able to get married." It's just so fucking wrong and I cannot wrap my head around it.
I don't think I can be friends with her any longer. I don't know how to tell her that or if I even should, since I heard the story second-hand. But this is a huge deal. At the moment I think I'll wait to see if she apologizes to the people she hurt with her comments. My usual M.O. in a situation like this is avoidance until I get over it or the other party eventually goes away. That doesn't seem like a valid option in this case. I suppose avoidance will work for now. Fuck.
Okay, I'm done with this poorly-thought-out post. I need a drink (okay, another drink) and I'm getting puffy and congested from the crying.