13 March 2008

Enough, already.

For the love of all things holy, please God, stop with the Subway commercials about that formerly fat fuck Jared and his 10 years of not being fat, but being totally fucking lame. Maybe it's because I have been watching a ton of basketball lately (approaching hour nine for today), but sweet, merciful crap, I feel like I've been seeing those commercials nonstop.

Commercials are annoying and these grate on my nerves more than any others that come to mind at the moment (are there any other commercials? I can't think of a single other commercial I've seen today. Oh, wait, that stupid A-Rod one), and that's bad enough. But you know what's worse? That formerly fat fuck Jared hanging out with the Big Ten commissioner in a suite and getting some screen time during the Gopher game against Northwestern this afternoon. Steve Lavin said, "Isn't that the Subway guy?" And Brent Musberger said something about yes it was and he'd lost "what? 150 pounds?" HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE COMMERCIALS BRENT? He's lost 245 pounds. And kept it off for 10 years. And he's still an asexual dork with the personality of belly button lint. And I want to slit my wrists. Someone got on the horn and set Brent straight within seconds. He made sure to pass that on to us lowly viewers. Thanks, ESPN.

Oh! Here's the commercial again. That's it -- tomorrow I'm keeping a tally and I'm boycotting Subway. Not that I can remember the last time I went there (probably due to a horrible, aborted lunch at work). Still.

But even stupid Jared can't ruin the fact that today was super-mega gorgeous. It's just about 8:00 and I've had the door to my deck open since early afternoon. I've now got windows open, 'cause I'm playing test kitchen and the oven is heating shit up. I'm trying to healthify my pumpkin bread. It looks and smells good. We'll have to see how it tastes. My family loves this bread. LOVES. IT. Dad said I could and should sell it. But where? "Oh, I don't know. Those craft fair things your mom always goes to?" Um, thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad, but DO NOT WANT.

I'd planned to do all of this baking this week, but since I've felt like ass, that didn't go as planned. I want to try my hand at Irish soda bread and homemade whole wheat bread. But I need to be my own guinea pig before I ask anyone else to be a secondary guinea pig. The 'rents are happy to take on that role, but I'm not going to just hand off baked goods without trying them myself. So, I've got to kind of spread this stuff out, you know? I can't be eating a loaf of bread a day. I mean, I could do it. It's probably not the best idea in the world, though.

Then again, my family doesn't really mind of a piece or two of something is missing. I might try the Irish soda bread tomorrow since my interview needs to be rescheduled to next week. That was excellent news, 'cause I just don't feel like I'm all there yet. One cold-medicine-soaked job interview in a week is probably plenty, no?


Jen said...

"formerly fat fuck Jared"...

hahahahaha! They should totally call him that on the commercials.

Thanks for my laugh for the week.

Brian in Mpls said...

How bout them Gophers...Did you watch that?

Jess said...

I totally wish they would call him that, Jen.

And of course I watched the game, Brian. Can't watch them play tonight, though. Stupid Big Ten Network and Comcast.

JP said...

I can't even tell you the last time my oven was on.

Brian in Mpls said...

I know I won't be able to catch tonights either but I did go watch the Badgers play at lunch.

Now I am off to catch a few more games at Tailgate till five.

Jess said...

I'm going to try to get an invitation to watch it on my brother's fancy-pants TV. He gets BTN.