19 February 2008

The Key Cadillac Girl.

Ah, local advertising. Is there anything better? Why, yes. Yes, there are lots of things that are better than local advertising. To be fair, though, sometimes there is some unintentional hilarity hidden in amongst the terrible quality and general annoyingness of it all.

Alas, the Key Cadillac Girl certainly doesn't fit into the unintentional hilarity category. She's not terribly annoying at the moment, either. Though, I have a horrible feeling that she could reach Watson's Pool Girl-levels of irritatingness. (Side note: I think I made up two words already in this blog entry! Yay me!) All she needs is a creepy older guy to appear alongside her and she's got it all.

No, the Key Cadillac Girl just makes me feel kind of embarrassed for her. I first noticed her on this billboard Downtown. I'm not sure if it is still there, but I think it was right around Hennepin and 4th. My memory seems to place it as showing up right before the stop in front of the Central Library. She's on there doing something that looks reminiscent of Daunte Culpepper getting his roll on. God, I fucking hate watching him do that. It bugged the shit out of me when he was a Viking and I was still a Vikings fan. Imagine how much it makes me want to punch him in the nuts when I have to watch it now.

I can't remember the copy on the billboard. Something about a car from Key Cadillac will make you feel like dancing or whatever. Um, no. There's some kind of fancy-ass, black Caddy on there, and the Key Cadillac Girl frozen, in her black strapless dress, mid-roll with a goofy look on her face. When I was working, my bus ride took me past that billboard every day. And sweet Jebus, it just made me feel so bad for her. Kind of like that commercial Beyonce did for ... Direct TV? Dish Network? I can't remember. Watching it just made me sad, because I imagined she felt kind of dirty after doing the spot. She couldn't have needed the money. And it's such a stupid commercial. I was just embarrassed for her.

The Key Cadillac Girl is now doing TV spots. They seem to be considerably less cringe-worthy than that billboard. I'm just not sure what to think about her. She's not ugly or anything. But she's not hot, either. She's cute, I guess. Her screen presence seems to be somewhere in the "little to none" range. There's just something a little bit off about her. I can't really place what it is, though.

I bet y'all have never even noticed these commercials or the billboard. But now? Now you're going to start noticing all of it. And then you'll start to get annoyed by all of it -- to the point where it makes you crazy. Then you'll blog about how fucking crazy those ads make you. That's when I'll know my work is done.

Suckers!

15 comments:

Muffy Willowbrook said...

I have noticed those commercials and always wondered to myself, Who the hell is she supposed to be marketing to?!

The only people who can afford, or who would really WANT to own a Cadillac are men my dad's age, and isn't it a little inappropriate to have a girl who's no older than 25 selling cars to them? Or maybe her dad owns the dealership and wants to make his baby a star?

Whatever the reason - it's weird. I don't get it. Just show the damn car. I don't need to see her in a red cocktail dress, do I?

Jess said...

I knew I wasn't the only one who noticed them!

Anonymous said...

I'm in Kansas City so I haven't seen the Cadillac commercial, but I had to comment on the Watson's girl. I didn't realize they had moved past Indy and KC. People used to say she was sleeping with the older guy. Then it came out that he was her step dad. Even when she was pregnant, they seemed chummy...

Jess said...

Yeah, I've known it was her stepdad for quite some time, but that just adds to the ickiness of the whole dynamic.

JP said...

awe come on... what better way to appeal to the older man crowd than with a 25 year old! Pure Genius!

Bethando said...

I tried googling her, but she's no where to be found. I guess I'll have to wait till I get there for this little gem.

Dylan said...

I noticed those billboards, but I haven't seen the commercials. I have a strange fascination with the billboards. When I drive past, I can't take my eyes off them. It's strangely fascinating to me. What is she doing? Is that some kind of dance? It doesn't much look like a dance. And the copy -- Makes you feel like dancing. It's just so dumb. It doesn't make me feel like dancing. It makes me feel like buying the ad agency that thought up those ads and then firing whoever's idea it was, then selling the ad agency to somebody else.

Jess said...

I suppose she's Googleable now! Good for her.

Glad to know I'm not the only one who can't turn away from that god-awful billboard. It's just ... that "dance" thing. There's something creepily hypnotic about it.

ryan said...

I've always assumed that she was somebody's kid. She's cute and though the commercials are a little campy, they're not terribly annoying.

The "Watson's Girl," on the other hand, has always seemed to be banking on the notion that sex sells. Urgh.

gorilla16 said...

I'm only even posting this to you like-minded people because I actually googled in Key Cadillac Makes You Feel Like Dancing with the intention of gaining the image, cut, paste, send to friend with subject line of: How much do you hate?

Anonymous said...

That Key Cadillac Girl is the ugliest thing on tv. That huge fucking mouth with those big ugly mismatched teeth. She MUST be the owner's daughter. Nobody else would hire that god awful face. And that icky body. She poses with a bat with one leg turned completely away from her body like she thinks she's hot. NOT. And that billboard of her doing the Las Vegas lounge lizard "dance" made me vomit. Let her go be somebody's nanny, as she sure has no talent for this business.

Anonymous said...

The Key Cadillac girl is SMOKIN hot! I'm sure she is daddy lil girl. but who cares! Because of her, and ONLY because of her, i remember the dealers name!

Anonymous said...

No....they actually hired and paid her to do that.

MS. TLC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jess said...

Aw, you deleted your comment. It's a damn shame she haunts your visits home.