15 February 2008

I'm a horrible person.

Honestly. I can be such a bitch sometimes. I've ranted time and again about all the people who annoy me at the gym, but today I felt kind of bad about it.

When I got into the locker room, there were a couple of older ladies chatting around the lockers I normally use. I wasn't paying a ton of attention to them; I'm not a bad of an eavesdropper. Besides, I didn't really think they'd say anything worthy of submitting to Overheard in Minneapolis.

My ears perked up a bit when one of them said she'd just run three miles. I was like, "Hot damn! That's impressive." Turns out she'd misspoke -- she'd just walked three miles. But then the older of the two started talking about how she feels stupid when she's using the bike.

First of all, this woman had to have been like 70. She had a cane sitting next to her on the bench. A cane! And here she is saying that she feels stupid using the recumbent bike while people go running by, dripping sweat. Lady, you should not feel stupid at all. We all have to start somewhere. You should be commended for what you're doing.

So, I felt bad for all of my previous ranting and I vowed to stop doing that kind of shit.

Then after I finished my cardio, I went down to stretch and followed this dude into the ... I don't know, studio/racquetball area, I guess it's called. This overly muscled tool had a highlighted, curly mullet. And he looked like he'd raided the wardrobe of some '80s Chuck Norris/Jean Claude Van Damme crapfest movie. My new leaf wasn't turned over for very long. But, Jesus. He had a mullet! I'm only human.

Also, why is Michael Bivins hosting NBA All-Star Saturday night?


I'm Frank said...

Don't feel bad. I run 70 miles a week on average, which makes me feel pretty badass most of the time, at least as badass as a scrawny runner can feel.

But at just about every road race I run over the summer, there's always some old dude (like, 50-60) who always blows the doors of me in a race - the type of guy who wears spandex and ties a bandanna around his forehead and wears knee braces.

It's humbling.

Also, I didn't know Bivins was hosting the All-Star game, but then again the All-Star game is to Basketball was drunken mini-golf is to the PGA.

Big Blue Monkey said...

You are a bad person. And who else should be hosting All Star Weekend?

I guess you'd like to see Iggy Pop, or some such person. You racist!

JP said...

Every time I read these gym stories I have to remind myself that you are going to the gym close to a large city.. as sometimes it sounds like you walked through a time warp or maybe a fashion warp..

WHERE do these people in there crazy outfits and bad mullets come from?

Jess said...

I'm just wondering why Michael Bivins isn't working on another New Edition reunion (it's been like, 10 years!) or better yet -- a Bell Biv Devoe reunion. Oh man, that would be sweet.

There was an overly-muscled, curly-mulleted dude who worked out at the Y in Mankato when I lived there. That kinda made sense. But in the SLP? It's just terribly confusing to my poor wee brain.