25 February 2008

I am a fucking mess.

Honest to Christ. I don't even know where to start. First of all, my new jeans are too big. After about two wears, I can remove them without unbuttoning or unzipping them. I suppose I should be glad, but it's actually considerably more frustrating than encouraging. They were supposed to last me until I dropped another 15 pounds or so. And I've not lost that much in the last three weeks, I'm fairly certain. Fucking Old Navy. Guess I should be happy that they were two for $40 and I didn't spend an assload of money on them.

I feel like I should be in a really great mood. Okay, not a really good mood. But I hardly think this undefined, crushing sadness is really appropriate. Yesterday was awesome -- I got my Wii, had delicious bacon for breakfast and spent a good chunk of the day with The Boy I Currently Like. But as soon as he walked out the door, I was on the verge of tears. I woke up this morning on the verge of tears and it continued all the way through yoga. It was pretty much all I could do to keep myself from bawling during Savasana. The urge to cry didn't leave after yoga, either.

All this is most likely due to my current state of unemployment. There weren't a lot of prospects out there last week. I was supposed to hear from the organization with which I interviewed the previous week by the middle of last week. But I've heard nothing. This shouldn't be surprising, because as fast as most places say or intimate they want to move, it never usually happens. I came home from yoga today to a rejection from the place with which I had my very first post-canning interview. Granted, I would have had a really long commute and it looks like they downgraded the position (an "assistant" was added to the title). It still stings, though.

The search has been a bit better today. I even got a call to schedule an interview about an hour after I'd submitted my materials for one of the jobs. That call came while I was in the midst of opening a package containing my birthday present from The Boy I Currently Like. Oddly enough, it was the present that finally set off the tears. Normal people aren't going to get all weepy over a couple of two-disc Tom and Jerry DVD sets, of course. I'm pretty sure I've never made any claims of being normal, though.

A couple of weeks ago, we were flipping around through the TV channels and ended up watching some Tom and Jerry on Boomerang. I told him I love Tom and Jerry -- it's by far my favorite cartoon ever. Oh. My. God. He listens to the stupid, random shit I say. He pays attention and he remembers. Okay, so it's not earth-shattering or anything; but my past is riddled with thoughtless guys. And the ones who did give gifts, tended to give generally crappy, thoughtless gifts. So, it means a lot to me and on a day like today it's the kind of thing that will reduce me to a puddle of tears.

Clearly, I need to finish this thing up and get to watching my DVDs and playing Guitar Hero.

Update! I got a second rejection today. Awesome. Clearly I need to get drunk while playing Guitar Hero.

6 comments:

JP said...

awe, so sad.... I hate feeling like coming to tears like that. But it all happens to us... Drink lots!

Muffy Willowbrook said...

JESS! Your job situation will turn around - trust me. One summer I went on 44 different interviews before I found a job. 44 in ONE summer!

Tom & Jerry is good shit. Live it up. Enjoy it, and your friends.

Things will look up soon.

Jess said...

Thanks, ladies.

Christine said...

Hang in there!

Bethando said...

Your not a mess. You're normal. : ) And you'll find something, don't worry. I am so happy for you about the gift!! I think it must mean he thinks of you as "Girl I Currently Like". Yeah!

Jess said...

Yeah, I know what I'm feeling is probably normal. And I know I'll find something eventually.

I really just need to remind myself often. It shall be my mantra.