I've mentioned the fact that I've been losing weight in posts here and there over the past few months. I can't be positive, because I'm not sure exactly where I was when I started (I can't even pinpoint when this all started because the changes have been pretty gradual), but I believe I'm in the neighborhood of 30 pounds lost. It'll probably be a few more once Aunt Flo leaves town and takes her five pounds of water weight with her. Fuck that bitch and her baggage.
Obviously, I notice it when I put something on and realize it's become so big there's no way I could wear it out in public. Other people have begun to notice, too. At Christmas I heard many comments from my relatives. At my mom's birthday party last weekend, I heard it even more. Including someone saying (I think it was one of my aunts, but I was really drunk and can't for the life of me be sure), "You're getting so tiny!" This is hilarious because a) I'm so not getting tiny and b) no matter how much weight I lose, there is no way I will ever be tiny. I'll always be tall and have big feet, broad shoulders and big boobs.
Most of the time, the changes have been gradual. I notice clothes are getting bigger; I catch a glimpse of my arm inadvertently flexing while I'm putting lotion on after a shower and notice more definition than I remember. And then I flex some more because I 'm a huge dork. There are things I can do in yoga that I couldn't do six months ago. I up the speed on the treadmill faster and go faster all the time. You know, that kind of stuff.
Some of the changes seem to be really sudden, though. I put on one of the tank tops I wear to yoga that has been nearly skin-tight the entire time I've owned it and one day it's all loose. How did that happen?
The worst sudden change, though? My ass seems to have shrunk considerably in the last week or so. Where does ass go to all of a sudden? And why? I do yoga. I lift weights. My ass should not be going anywhere. This is most unacceptable. I do not want my white girl ass back. The Cheating Asshole ex-boyfriend used to tease me about my flat, white girl ass. Somewhere along the line, my ass filled out because a guy I dated a year or two later often remarked on the junk I had in my trunk and was prone to punctuate these comments with a smack of said junk.
I thought maybe it was because the jeans I was wearing were too big. I tried the pair that was freshly washed and shrunk as much as possible in the dryer. That helped, but not as much as I'd hoped. Maybe I just need to finally suck it up and buy new jeans a size smaller. But I'm trying to hold off another month on that. My underwear seem to fit differently. The curve of my ass looks different in the sweatpants I sometimes wear around the house. My ass feels different in my jeans.
What is going on? I know my body is changing, but this was one change I didn't expect. I guess I'm going to have to start focusing on my glutes more when I'm lifting. There's a new squat machine at the gym. I'll see if I can't start using that. There's also the "Butt Blaster" machine, but honestly, I can't even look at that thing without giggling. I highly doubt I could use it effectively while I'm gasping for air because I'm trying not to melt into a puddle of laughter.
Besides, my tits aren't going anywhere. Why my ass? I'd willingly give up a little boob to keep some of the butt. I will compromise with you, Mother Nature. Let's just sit down and talk about this like rational adults.