09 January 2008

Do you ever drink alone?

Does the Lord count as a person? What if it's my Jesus statue?

I came across this little tidbit in my daily visit to Jezebel yesterday. Oooh, a quiz! I love quizzes. I took this one. My results?

Many people are not aware of how their alcohol consumption compares to that of the general public. More than 91.5% of the general adult American population and 98% of women consume fewer drinks per week than you reported consuming.

Sure, I'm a much better drunk than most women, but I really have some catching up to do with the general public. Also, those people are dirty fucking liars. I find it hard to believe that most people I know are the exception to the rule. My world isn't that insular.

And God forbid you're a woman and you drink. It's perfectly okay for men to have a few drinks a day, but if you're a woman? OH MY GOD. You're going to die a horrible, horrible death from breast cancer or something else, you awful, drunk slut. Fuck off, science.

Now, where's my flask?


Brian in Mpls said...

This is why I am surprised we don't hang out.

Muffy's Bestie said...

I LOVE taking these tests!!! anyhoo......this was my result:

It is likely that your current drinking patterns are hazardous or harmful to your health and well being.

So Jess, maybe we should meet for a drink and talk about our issues!!!!!!! LOL!!!!

Jess said...

Ah, but we have hung out, Brian.

I got that part, too, MB. I think your suggestion is really the only way to go.

Muffy Willowbrook said...

I drink every day.

Hazardous and Harmful?! Is it really necessary to be that graphic? I think not. I say go down in a blaze of glory.

Jess said...

As do I, Muffy. Well, most days. But since I've had to push my workouts back an hour to accomodate the New Year's Resolutioners, I can barely get in a glass of wine after I get home before it's time for bed.

Now I've got to up my weekend binge drinking just to make sure I get enough red wine consumed every week. You know, for my heart.

Andrew Wice said...

Recent studies show that excessive alcohol consumption makes one 65% more likely to attempt a sexual act in side-by-side bathtubs in a meadow.

The drink of choice for 83% of consumers of prescription erectile dysfunction medication? Rusty Nail shooters with a Bud Light back.

Jess said...

This is most insightful news, indeed. Thank God I don't live near any meadows.