29 January 2008

Attention Interwebs: I do not have a penis.

What is it with the spam I get for this blog's e-mail account? All of it -- I shit you not -- all of it is about increasing the size of my penis. The spam I get on my Yahoo account and my regular Gmail account is varied. Maybe someone is trying to sell me Vicodin (yes, please!) or Xanax. Perhaps they're trying to get me to refinance my home. Good luck with that, suckers. Sometimes, it seems that I have a secret crush or a booty call or a secret lover e-mail waiting for me somewhere. Delightful!

But at iwastoldtherewouldbebacon@gmail.com? We only get penis e-mails. Is "I was told there would be bacon" the hip, new way to express your disappointment upon getting into a dude's pants and being greeted by a tiny ween? You know what? If it isn't, it really should be.

Here's a sampling from today. "FuckstickSignificantAntony" makes me giggle.

Increasing your penile size is your sure way towards s'e_xual health and well-being

As your dic'k gets larger, no woman will say "no"

See your dic'k swelling day by day!

Proven effect for your pen!s enlargement

Watch your thing getting bigger day by day!

New product to increase your male stick

Add more length and volume to your pen!le measurements!



Of course, I would imagine this post will significantly increase the amount of penis spam I get on a daily basis. I'm a genius like that.


crushthemall said...

It reads like the lyrics to the worst/best song of 2008.


Muffy Willowbrook said...

GAWD!! I get those same damn emails all the time - it's so gross! Leave my tiny (non-existent) penis and me alone!


Jess said...

It'll be a song so bad it's the best song ever.

Jen said...


What the hell does this mean?

Jess said...

I imagine future societies will still be trying to determine the meaning of that ... um, phrase?