19 December 2007

Oh, we hear you.

Dearest Fuckstain,

We realize that you are a Very Important Raquetball Player. Did you realize when you busted into the studio to yell to the dude you had been playing with that the lights were off, the doors were closed, people were lying on the floor quietly and there was soft music playing?

Oh, you did notice, but you didn't care because you are too fucking cool to be considerate to other people who pay their gym memberships to be able to use the facilities, too. I understand. I mean, it was quiet in there, so you obviously needed to yell instead of speaking at a normal volume or God forbid, whispering.

And we all know you're cool. You didn't need to wait until our instructor walked away after asking you to please keep it down to tell us that someone asking you politely to lower your voice would only want to make you talk louder. Oh, honey. It was totes obvious! Bonus points for the sarcastic remark about the martial arts class in the studio across the hall. You're so fucking clever, I can't stand it! The shit you said about people with tattoos being stupid? Wow. That's cutting edge. And to say it within earshot of people who have tattoos? Dude. You rule.

In closing, I hope your dick falls off, you fucking asshole.

Yours in Christ,
Jess

6 comments:

Jen said...

"I hope your dick falls off, you fucking asshole."

Why oh why doesn't this ever happen? We pray and we pray and we pray....nothing.

Muffy Willowbrook said...

What an ass....Disgusting Jerk. He actually said that about people with tatooes?! Eye roll...

Jess said...

He sure did say that. And he said it just loud enough so the girl on the mat next to me with the sweet ink on her upper arm could hear.

My visible tats probably weren't that visible to him from where he was standing.

brightyellowworld.com said...

You are my hero. This was hilarious. I would want to kick his fucking ass.

Shelby said...

Okay, I read this after linking from your second love letter to him. Get a group together, and let's jump him after his workout one night. We don't have to hurt him, we'll just yell at him loudly and take the battery out of his cellphone.

Jess said...

Oh, but I want to hurt him!