12 November 2007

I don't know exactly what I want out of life.

However, I'm pretty certain about what I don't want. I don't want to have kids. I don't want to live in the suburbs. I don't want to commute into the city for my job.

It's always more clear to me when I do things like stay with my cousin while my aunt and uncle are out of town or when I take my nephew to a game and then have to get him home, fed, showered and into bed within an hour. Don't get me wrong -- I think my cousins are great. I love to spend time with them; but it's always much more enjoyable when I'm not the one responsible for their well-being. And I adore my nephew, but it's the same thing -- I'd rather just hang out with him than having to be the meanie who won't let him stay up and play Guitar Hero a little longer.

The idea of me being responsible for anyone else is pretty ridiculous anyway. There are plenty of days where I feel like I can barely take care of myself.

No, I love my life the way it is -- living in the city, throwing my money away on rent, getting around as much as possible on the bus, only having to worry about getting myself out of the house in the morning. Does this make me selfish? Maybe. Do I care? Not so much.

It's not as if I'm some antisocial, child-hating freak. I have my urban tribe. They're as much my family as my relatives are. There's the boy I like. I could make room for him in my selfish, insular existence.

I really have no idea where I'm going with this. It's just always so depressing for me to be away from my life for several days. I want to sleep in my own bed, be around my own stuff. Just a few more days and everything will be back to normal. I'll be back to my own life. You may not think it's so great, but it works just fine for me.

3 comments:

Muffy Willowbrook said...

I agree. Nothing is as comfortable as spending it in my own home surrounded by my stuff. And don't feel bad about not wanting kids and not wanting to live in suburbs. I'm on your bandwagon.

Jess said...

I think there's plenty of room on this bandwagon, too. Which is fine, because we'll probably need the space to store our booze.

Tomorrow night I'll be sleeping in my own bed and I can't fucking wait.

Christine said...

Ah! The suburbs! AH! Scary stuff.