27 October 2007

My First Mammogram.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. I had my very first mammogram today at the ripe old age of 33. Thanks, family history of breast cancer! My mom, one of her sisters, one of my dad's sisters and my dad's mom all have had breast cancer. They're all fine at the moment, save for my grandma. But she died in a car accident a few years after the B.C. I also apparently have "dense and bumpy" breast tissue. Thanks, doc, for helping out with the self-esteem there.

I've been hearing since I was probably 28 or so that I'd need my first mammogram much earlier than most women. Maybe 30? No, 31. I didn't hear anything about 32 and my doctor said at the beginning of my exam a few weeks ago that I'd probably do it at 35. Apparently, my bumpy tits made her change her mind mid-exam.

So, here we are today. Yes, on a Saturday. People are apparently surprised about that. Whatever. I figured if I did it this morning, I could just head to the gym and do some cardio before yoga and then I'd feel so much better. Unless of course yoga was canceled because there was going to be construction. Nice. (Side note: there was some fucking martial arts shit going on in the studio. Construction, my ass. Fuck you, Bally.)

I was the youngest woman there by at least 10 years. Most of the women were grandma-aged. The changing room was actually fairly nice. There was coffee and tea, a bowl of pink-wrapped candies, and we got these robes that looked almost like something you'd change into for a spa day. Fancy!

What was supposed to be 15 minutes in-and-out turned into about a half hour of waiting. How the fuck do you get behind first thing on a Saturday morning? The technician who was going to do my mammogram was really nice. She explained everything to me and apologized for the freezing room (it was seriously nipply in there).

Contrary to all the horror stories I've heard, it wasn't that bad. It certainly wasn't pleasant and I'm glad it'll be at least a couple of years before I have to do it again, but it was more uncomfortable than painful. It didn't hurt the girls to be smashed between the metal bottom piece and the clear plastic top piece. Though, my neck hurt a couple of times. "Dude, I thought this was supposed to be a breast x-ray. Why are you pulling the skin all the way from the back of my neck?"

There's an awful lot of positioning to do. I heard the words "nipple profile" more than a couple times. I didn't even laugh when she said it! I'm totally mature.

And that was it. She had to do a fourth view of Lefty (that's what you get for being bigger, I suppose), but just three of Righty. My tits need better names than Lefty and Righty. Must get on that. Now I wait 10-12 days to hear what they found. I'm not nervous, even having gone through a cancer diagnosis 13 years ago. This was basically a "let's do it so we have a baseline when we start for real in a few years" kind of thing.

I suppose I should get back to my kitchen shit. I'm baking a chocolate stout cake for The Original Slat's birthday. Then I have to decide if I'm going to assemble the lasagna I was going to make for The Boy I Currently Like and I to have for dinner tomorrow night. He thinks he might be getting sick, so we might not hang out tomorrow. Dammit all to hell. I'd been looking forward to it all week. And of course, I wouldn't want him to be sick. I'm not completely selfish and all that.

Just have to wait and see, I guess. If I don't see him, at least I got felt up a little today.


The Boy She Currenty Likes said...

It is true. I'm sick in all sorts of gross but not particularly painful ways.

If snot were a staple, I could feed a small country.

And now, I've grossed myself out. I'm blaming V-8 Fusion for not bailing me out at the last minute.

Jess said...

You've left all the boob talk alone. Clearly you are very ill. Poor thing.

J.B. Neal said...

pics plz k thx bye.

Jess said...

Are you saying, J.B. Neal, that you want to see pictures of squashed boobies?

They're really much nicer to look at when they're not squashed. Though, the squashed view may be better for the "nipple profile."

J.B. Neal said...

Let's be honest with ourselves, a boob is a boob, jess. ;)

Jess said...

Touché, JB. Tou-fucking-ché.

Virginia Belle said...

wow. you are young to get a mammogram. but you know, preventative measures and all. good for you.

i appreciate hearing that it doesn't hurt, because i keep hearing that it does, and so i am dreading it.

btw, alcoholism runs in my family the way boob cancer runs in yours. unfortunately, the only tests we get for it are called "DUIs". LOL

Jess said...

Yeah, I am pretty young, but I guess at least now I know there is nothing to get freaked out about.

I suppose it's just like the annual lady bits exam -- you hype up how horrible it will be in your mind for days in advance and by the time you're taking your feet out of the stirrups, you're saying, "Well, that wasn't so bad."

There's nothing to be afraid of. It doesn't really hurt and hey, it could save your life. Look at me! I'm making public service announcements.

Sadly, VB, DUIs are infinitely more expensive than mammograms. I take the bus as a preventative measure against DUIs. I think I shall start calling the bus my drinking mammogram. Because, you know, that almost makes sense.

Anonymous said...

No yelling at Jb Neal for his/her LOL Cats speak?


Jess said...

If I saw it somewhere other than on an LOLcat for the first time, it's okay.