Tomorrow is my least favorite day of the year -- my lady bits exam. Though, for all the bitching and complaining I and other women do about this exam, it's never as bad as one builds it up to be. Sure, it's uncomfortable, but it's over fast.
This year, this exam will serve as my annual thyroid check up, which is cool. One less copay! And since I'm really trying to maximize my copay dollar, I'm coming in with a full list of shit I want checked out. Usually, it's just "Make sure my cooter is free from unwanted guests and give me a refill on my whore pills and sexy asthma meds."
Not this year, buddy. My left hip has been sore for months. As has my left knee. There were times the pain got so bad that I thought I should make an appointment. But I toughed it out so I didn't have to drop an extra copay. Then there are the tension headaches. I thought about leaving them off my list of concerns. But why should I? Maybe I don't have to suffer constantly. Okay, so the tension headaches aren't constant. I actually hadn't had one for a while until just recently. The knee pain and tension headaches come and go, but when they're around it's no fun. The hip pain has been pretty constant. All of them started up when I increased the frequency and intensity of my visits to the gym. God forbid I try to be active.
When all that stuff is written out in one place, it makes me sound like some decrepit old woman. And some days I feel like I am. However, I'm pretty sure my hip and knee pain have something to do with my left leg being longer than my right -- almost enough to require some kind of orthotic shoe insert. That's what I'm gunning for. I'd rather not do more physical therapy. I did that a couple of years ago for tendinitis in my Achilles. This is where I found out my left leg was longer than my right and that my hips were really flexible, which exacerbates the problem. However, at the time the problem was on the right side. Jesus H. Christ. Just give me the $200 shoe inserts and let me be on my way.
I'd rather not get drugs for the tension headaches. At my last job, we had a woman come in and do 15-minute chair massages for $10 once a month. This kept my headaches at bay the entire time I worked there. However, I've yet to find a place I can get a $10 massage in Minneapolis. A coworker at an even older job did manage to get massages prescribed by her doctor for her headaches, but it took a lot of work. Honestly, I should probably just start budgeting for a massage monthly or every other month. I could make it work. But a $20 copay for that would be even sweeter.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go lie about how much I drink.