I have this friend. She shall remain nameless for the purposes of this entry. We've been friends for several years; probably around seven or so. I've said a million times to many people that she is the worst wing woman ever. EVER.
Sunday night, I was talking to a friend who happened to be out the night of my second "date" with Detlef. He met Detlef and the World's Worst Wing Woman. It wasn't necessarily anything specific he said that made the light bulb go off in my head, I guess. But for whatever reason, that conversation really made me think.
I know that I told someone after that night the World's Worst Wing Woman had actually been pretty good. But why did I say that? Because she left us alone in The Clown Lounge so I could engage in a public make out session? Gee thanks. You know how I love public displays of affection. And it's even better when it's drunken making out.
What I conveniently forgot was how she kept feeding me drinks (that I inexplicably paid for) after I said I couldn't get drunk because Detlef was coming. I also conveniently forgot her stomping off in a huff to the bus stop because she couldn't get a cab (she is insistent that she should be able to hail a cab in this city and therefore refuses to call for one) and wouldn't come to Detlef's place with us to call and wait for a cab. Yeah, it's better to wait for an hour alone at the bus stop on University than to drive back into Minneapolis and wait for a cab at someone's house. I also conveniently forgot that after we went back to get her, she insisted that Detlef drive us back to my house so she could get her car. Even though he didn't really want to drive all the way back to my house because he'd been drinking. She didn't really care.
So, really, she didn't do a good job being wing woman at all. Granted, it was ultimately my fault that I got kinda drunk. And there was nothing that could be done about Detlef's lackluster kissing and the disappointment I felt upon meeting Detlef Jr. for the first time. The whole thing was probably doomed anyway, but she really didn't help matters at all.
Now, I could have explained her behavior away by taking into consideration the great deal of stress under which she found herself. I'm not sure how that would explain her behavior in years previous, though.
She has literally dragged me away from a guys while I was talking to them. On more than one occasion. I remember one time, it was the night after Thanksgiving I think. We were at The Local, sitting at the bar and having some drinks. Some guy came up to talk to her. I participated in the conversation a bit at first and then fell back. During this time, a guy sat down next to me. We eventually struck up a conversation. In the meantime, the guy the World's Worst Wing Woman had be talking to had left. Now that he was gone and I was deep in conversation with someone else, she was ready to go. She announced that it was time to go and we had to go NOW. I barely had a chance to say goodbye to the guy. As we were getting on the bus to head back to her place, she asked "Did you get his number?" Yeah, because I totally had time to do that while you were pulling me toward the door. I hardly said goodbye.
She has pushed guys away from me on a dance floor. She is rude to people around us at concerts. She's been rude to guys who have talked to me or us when we're out. She's always ready to leave if I'm talking to someone and she's not getting all the attention. And when she's ready to you, brother, you'd better be ready to go as well.
Is it just part of her personality? Is she intentionally cock-blocking dudes who many want to talk to me? What's the female equivalent to cock-blocking? Is she cooter-blocking me? I don't know. I'm not sure I care.
The problem is that often I don't realize it's happening while she's doing it. The realization comes later. Or if I do realize it, I'm not going to be a bitch and make some scene because I'm not ready to leave and she is. "Sit her down and talk to her about it," you say. I could do that. Part of me thinks she'll say that I'm crazy and imagining things. The other part thinks she'll get all defensive and freak out. I'm a big fan of avoiding conflict. Thankfully, she's about to become very busy and very broke, so I doubt she'll be going out with me much. Problems sometimes resolve on their own. Still, though, she's not meeting the next guy I date until things are firmly cemented to withstand her shenanigans.